Are you truely here
by Igraine
Summary: Chapter24 now up. Max hallucinates, and believes that she sees Ben. She is forced to deal with this. Max/Alec
1. seeing you again

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. (Though I wish Alec was)  
  
A/n- I've never written a dark Angel fic before so please review it so I know if I'm just turning out crap. thanks.  
  
  
  
chapter 1...........Seeing you again  
  
Alec sat down on his couch in a painful movement. His body ached, Max.. had beat him good. He cursed himself. Why did he have to look at that damn women, why was he always thinking with the little X5?  
  
He shook it off, why did it matter? He never used to condemn himself for things before her. He decided that for the night he would blame Max. for everything. Her and her little red white and blue 'it's not like that' boyfriend. Is was after all their fault, theirs and the that Manticore mind bender. They were always getting him involved in things he didn't care about. All he wanted to do was sit down in his home and watch tv, maybe go find some cute girl to shack it up with.  
  
But know, they couldn't let him alone. Max. had to come by with her big almond eyes and ask for his help. Why did he have so much trouble saying no to her. Since the first moment they had met.  
  
But last night he had looked right at her and said no. And then he got his ass kicked. What did he do to deserve that. She had hurt him where no man should ever be harmed. He supposed he shouldn't of called her a bitch though. She had it coming, he didn't want to fight her, she left him with no choice. But man did she look good kicking his ass.  
  
He hated her. He hated her because he cared about her. Before she came along, he had only cared about himself and the mission. But she had to come along and give him a conscious and 'feelings'. He hated her for that.  
  
And now he was sitting at home in pain, and she was most likely out with mr.do gooder Logan. He turned the on tv and closed his eyes letting the sound wash over him until he fell asleep.  
  
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Max. waited at the corner of some old street. The air was damp and it made her feal sick. She looked around for the contact she was supposed to be meeting. She had gotten a phone call from somebody who had some old files from manticor.  
  
All he wanted was some money. Money Max. was willing to spend if it meant finding out a cure for her and Logan. Or some type of information on her screwed up genetically engineered body.  
  
She heard a noise on her left and quickly turned to see a short man with dark slicked back hair. He gave out a greasy vibe, Max. immediately disliked him. He had a manila envelope in his hand. It was the guy. "You got my money?" he asked. His voice was thin and weasel like.  
  
Max. took the envelope of money out of her jacket and held it towards him. He reached out to take it but she pulled back. "The files?" She asked. He gave her the folder. She took it and gave him the money. She didn't wait to stay and talk any longer. She didn't like him. She went strait to her bike and revved up the engine, going home.  
  
When she got to her apartment she called hello. She got no reply. She saw a note on the counter, she assumed it was from OC. She read it.  
  
Hey Boo, got some stuff to attend to, probably wont be in tonight. Your boy Alec called, sounded irritated, might not want to call him back.  
  
Love ya  
  
-OC  
  
Max. put down the note. She was slightly relived to find that she would have the place to herself. She wanted peace to look through the files. She sat down on her couch and took the files out of the large envelope. She opened the one on top. She felt as though she had been slapped. On top of the papers was a picture of Ben when he was young.  
  
It looked as though it had been taken right before the escape. Under that was is barcode, written under it X5-493. There was some medical information, and max was disgusted to see, but a short list of possible breeding partners, Max. being one of them. She cringed at the thought, Ben was like her brother, thank god they had escaped, even though it ultimately ended up in his death.  
  
Max. felt tears in the corner of her eyes, remembering Ben. He was probably the most venerable of them all. She remembered when he was little, she had gotten ill and he sat by her bed praying to 'the Blue lady'. Max. went to the next page. Now she felt as though she had been shot. It was a picture of Bens corpse.  
  
She put the folder down and shut it. She brought her legs to her chest and began to openly sob. She sank into the memory of Ben and his death. If only she hadn't broken his leg. It wasn't his fault he went insane. It was Manticores, She had a quick flash back of Ben. She could hear his voice as he cried saying "I'm a good soldier. I try so hard" He shouldn't have died.  
  
She could see it clearly in her mind now. She could feal him in her arms see his eyes as he begged her not to leave him, "Please " he had said "You know what they'll do to me. They'll put me down there with them...the Nomalies. Please"  
  
So she did the only thing she could, she put his mind on something else, and broke his neck. She could hear the cracking noise. she could feal his body go limb. She could see his head fall back, his face not even having time to register shock.  
  
"Maxie, it's okay I'm here" She opened her eyes but didn't see him. She heard his voice though, she was sure of it. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and opened them again. There he was standing right in front of her. All reason had left her when she first heard his voice. And now here he was standing in front of her, his sandy hair falling over his eyebrows, which were delicately placed over his big brown eyes.  
  
He looked at her very confused, "Max.?" he said.  
  
Max. stood up and threw her arms around his neck, "Ben" she said, "Ben I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" She buried her head in his shoulder and continued to sob. 'Ben' wrapped his arms around her slightly acwardly and said "shhhh, It's okay Max."  
  
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When Alec came into Max's apartment, the last thing he had expected to see was max in a small ball sobbing. She opened her eyes and looked around the room, but her gaze drifted right over Alec, as though she didn't even see him. She closed her eyes again.  
  
Alec walked until he was standing in front of her. She opened up her dark almond shaped eyes and stared at him. Alec and never see her look at him like that. Her eyes were full of affection, and sadness. "Max.?" he asked.  
  
She stood up threw her arms around him, "Ben, I'm sorry. "I'm so sorry" That explained it, she thought he was Ben. She must of been dreaming about him or something. Not knowing what else to do her wrapped his arms around her and stroked her back, whispering what he hoped to be words of comfort.  
  
He knew he couldn't do that forever though. As much as he would like to just stand there with Max. in his arms, he knew he couldn't. "I'm Not Ben" he said. "It's me Alec" Max. immediately stepped back from him.  
  
She rubbed the tears from her eyes "Alec?" She said. He smiled at her, his special look at my cocky grin Smile. She frowned. She looked at him now with a glance he was much more used to. Annoyance. "What are you doing here?" she asked.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Max. was angered by herself. She knew that it couldn't possibly be Ben now, she should of known that a minute ago. "What are you doing here Alec?" She asked him.  
  
"Hey, I can't just stop by to see my good old Manticore Buddy Maxi?" he asked.  
  
At the use of that form of her name max took a step back. She saw him in her head again. Standing with his foot on Father Destry's chest. " This is for you, Maxie" he said. She shook her head.  
  
"Don't you ever EVER call me Maxie" she yelled at Alec. He took a step back, obviously confused. "GO!" she yelled. Alec looked hurt. He had the same look of pain in his eyes that Ben always got when someone had used harsh words with him. She couldn't have him here though. He was to much like Ben. It was to painful.  
  
Alec turned and walked out the door Max. quickly closed it behind him. She turned around and saw Him standing it a corner. "That was a little harsh" he said.  
  
"Ben?" Max. asked.  
  
"Of course Maxie, who else would I be?"  
  
End of chapter 1 


	2. Don't leave me

Chapter 2............Don't leave me  
  
"Ben?" She asked again, not believing it was him. She walked over to him and reached out a hand to touch him. He felt real, warm, solid. "Ben, I'm sorry please forgive me" she said.  
  
Ben looked at her, His eyes were full of Ben. Just Ben. A look that was only his, one she had never seen in anyone else, not even Alec. "I forgive you, just, don't leave me again" He said.  
  
She nodded, "I wont I promise" she said. Ben wrapped his arms around her and she pulled her self closer to him possessively. he was here. He was with her. She had her brother back. That's all that mattered.  
  
After a moment he stepped back, and put his hands on her face, wiping her tears away with his thumbs, "See Maxie, it's okay now. Big brother Bens back. Look at you, your a mess. See what happens when you ignore the blue lady?" he said to her. Max looked down. "you can't ignore her Max, and you can't ignore me. You know that." He lifted her chin up and brushed her hair out of her face. His full mouth placed a delicate kiss on her forehead.  
  
Ben wrapped an arm around her shoulders, walking her over to the couch. She sat down with him and rested her head on his chest. "Tell me about the good place Ben" she said. She missed the slow sound of his voice talking about the happiness that would await her.  
  
"Well, if your good, then you go to the good place, where nobody gets punished. no one gets yelled at, and no one disappears. And when you wake up in the morning, you can stay in bed as long as you want" he started. Max closed her eyes and fell asleep, just as she always had when she was a child.  
  
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Alec knocked on Logans door, and waited for him to answer. After a minute he came to the door. "Alec" he said. He didn't sound especially happy to see him. "Logan, my buddy, my man, what's up" Alec said inviting himself in. We sat on the couch and put his feet up getting comfortable.  
  
Logan gave him a death glare. "I think something's wrong with Max" Alec said. Logans facial expression quickly turned from annoyance to concern. "I was just over there and she thought I was Ben. Then she freaked out because I called her Maxie, and she yelled at me to leave." He explained. "honestly Logan, I think shes lost it".  
  
"She was probably just thinking about Ben when you got there" Logan said.  
  
"Well, she was asleep Alec said, I guess she could of been dreaming about him".  
  
"That's probably it, she was meeting a contact to get some old files on manticor. She must of been dreaming about him, so when you got there she had trouble telling fantasy from reality. I'm not surprised she freaked out at you calling her Maxie, that's what her brothers and sisters used to call her when she was little"  
  
It made sense, but Alec wasn't sure that was it. She really thought he was Ben. "I don't know, she seemed really out of it" He said.  
  
"What were you doing at Max's in the middle of the night any ways?" Logan asked Alec. "And be honest, why are you really here" Logan said.  
  
"Well, um....." He paused, "I kind of got kicked out of my apartment, for something that was completely not my fault by the way. Any ways, I figure I could throw some 'you let me out in this world' crap and guilt her in to letting me stay with her" he said. Logan glared at him. "So, what do you got to eat around here? Or am I intruding? I could just go back to Maxs" he said.  
  
"No" Logan said, as Alec thought he would, "You can stay here, there's some pizza in the frige I think" He said, and went to the phone, most likely to call Max.  
  
Alec went to the fridge and grabbed the box of left over pizza. He hoped up on the counter and put the box in his lap. He opened it up and started eating a piece. "Ahhhh, nothing like cold pizza" he said to himself. He kicked off his boots and let them fall to the ground. He rhythmically kicked his feet against the counter.  
  
After a few minutes logan came into the kitchen, "Listen, max isn't answering her phone or her pager so I'm gonna go over to her place and see what's up" he said.  
  
"What, it's been like two minutes, give her a chance to get to a pay phone" Alec said.  
  
Logan simply glared at him again, "get off my counter, and put your shoes by the door" he ordered him.  
  
"Jeeze, sorry. I didn't realize you were such a neat freak" Alec said. He hoped off the counter and picked his boots up.  
  
"So why did you get kicked out of your apartment any ways", Logan asked as he put his jacket on.  
  
"Oh that's not important" Alec said, "What's important is that it's brought me here, and now I can spend some quality time with my good buddy Logan" Logan stared at him, still waiting for him to answer the question. "Okay, well you see, the landlords daughter-"  
  
"Never mind, I should of known" Logan cut him off. Alec made an innocent look. "I'm leaving now" Logan said. "You can sleep in the guest room or something, and please, don't have anyone over, and don't eat all my food, and try not to be a slob" He said.  
  
"Okay, no problem" Alec said. After Logan left Alec hopped back up on the counter and continued to eat the pizza.  
  
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Logan knocked on Maxs door, but nobody answered. He turned the door knob, it was unlocked so he went inside. Max was asleep on the couch, curled up in a ball. Logan shook his head, he shouldn't of been worried. He left a note on her counter asking her to stop by in the morning. He saw a blanket so he put over her, careful not to touch her. "goodnight Max" he said, and left.  
  
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Max woke up late the next morning, which was strange because usually she didn't sleep much at all. She looked around the room and found herself alone, "Ben?" she said. She got no answer. She walked over into her kitchen, and found a note on the counter. It was from Logan.  
  
"He came by last night" It was Ben's voice. She turned around and he was standing behind her. "Who is he?" Ben asked.  
  
"Logan, a good friend of mine. He wants me to come by and see him" she said. She went into her room and changed. She got her brush and began to comb through her long strait dark brown hair. She looked up in the mirror, Ben was behind her again. He walked until he was standing right behind her. He put his hands on he shoulders, then he lifted up the ends of her hair.  
  
"You changed your hair again" He said.  
  
"Well, they don't really let you do things with your hair at manticor, I just never really got around to curling it again" She said.  
  
"I think I liked it more before" He told her. Max shook her head and put her brush down, "I'm just giving you my opinion, I'm not telling you to go and get it cut and curled" he said.  
  
"Whatever, I've gotta go see what's up, you coming?" she asked. He shrugged and followed her as she left. "Logan lives close so we can just walk" she said.  
  
They walked down the street together, not saying much. Every now and then Ben would nudge her shoulder to get her attention, so he could smile at her. Max remembered him doing that a lot which was nice because when she was young and at manticor, you didn't find much of a chance to smile. But Ben had always found a reason. She would always Smile back at him. This was the Ben she knew, not the Crazy teeth collecting man she had seen before.  
  
When they got there Max let herself in, she never knocked. It wasn't her style. "Logan" she said.  
  
"Hey Max" Logan said as he came out of the kitchen. "Have you had anything to eat, I can fix something if you want" he suggested.  
  
Max was about to say that sounded great, but Ben looked at her and shook his head. "Um, no I'm not really hungry" Max said. Ben smiled at her. She smiled back.  
  
"Hey Logan" a male voice said, "Do you have any moisturizing lotion? Not that I'm a girlie guy or anything, it's just, the chicks love the smooth skin" Max looked in the direction that the voice was coming from, it sounded a lot like Alec. And sure enough Alec came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, his body and hair wet. "And by the way, have you ever heard of fabric softener, I mean, the sheets were-... Hey max, when did you get here" he said noticing her.  
  
"Just now" she said. Ben stared at Alec. He walked a circle around him. For the first time Max noticed that no one could see Ben but herself. It didn't really mean anything in her mind though. "So, Alec, you live with logan now" she asked.  
  
"Well," Alec said walking over to Logan and putting an arm around him, "You see, we could just no longer deny our attraction to one another" he laughed. Ben also laughed. Max Glared at them both.  
  
Logan didn't find it funny either, he shrugged off Alecs arm. "Alec got kicked out of his apartment so I'm letting him stay here until he finds a knew place" Logan said.  
  
"So what's up? who's the big bad we need to beet down now?" she asked.  
  
"Oh, um, well...... Alec said that he was by your place yesterday and you were acting a little out of it. I just wanted to see how you were doing" Logan said.  
  
"So you wanted to check up on me" Max said. Logan nodded. "Logan, I can take care of myself" Max said, angrily.  
  
"Ooooooooo, do I sense a little bit of trouble in paradise?" Alec said with a cocky grin. Ben laughed again. Max hit Alec on the back of his head. "Ow, I'm just saying" he defended himself.  
  
"Any ways, Logan If that's all, I have to go, I have plans so I can't really stick around" Max said.  
  
"Plans? What are your plans?" Logan asked.  
  
"I'm gonna get my hair back to how it was. You know, shorter, a little curly" she said.  
  
Ben nodded and smiled, "Sounds cute" Alec said.  
  
"Yeah, well it is, I gotta blaze, bye" she said. She left quickly, not wanting to stay around.  
  
"Hey, Max, who was that guy in there, the one that looks like me" Alec asked.  
  
"Oh, that's right I forgot you didn't know. That's Alec, your brother. Another one of manticors secrets" she told him.  
  
"I have a brother?" Ben asked. Max nodded. "I like him" Ben said.  
  
"I don't" Max replied, "Well, maybe a little, he's just so self involved, he's nothing like you" she said. "Now come on, I have to make a hair appointment" they left the building.  
  
End of chapter 2 


	3. folowing orders

Chapter 3........Folowing orders  
  
"Max, wait up" Alec shouted as he ran to catch up with her. She didn't seem to hear him. She kept on looking to the left and smiling, or laughing. "Max" he called again.  
  
Max turned when she heard Alec call her. "Alec? What do you want" She asked him.  
  
Alec ran his hands through his hair, brushing some more of the water out. "I just didn't want to hang out with Logan all day, I mean I know you like him and all, but I find him dull" He said. "So, what are we doing?" he asked.  
  
"I told you, I'm getting my hair done" she said. "and I don't know if I want you coming with me" She said. She looked at Ben who was now standing next to Alec. He was nodding at her, in approval. "Well, come on" She said to Alec. "There's a place a few blocks from here" she lead the way.  
  
"So, about last night, " Alec said. "Did you really think I was Ben?" He asked.  
  
"Well, you see the thing is, Ben really is..." Ben was shaking his head at her, telling her no to tell Alec. "He is your twin and all, and I was having a dream about him, so, well yeah I did" she said.  
  
"So, you and Ben were close" Alec said in his obnoxious cocky way.  
  
"Alec, I swear to God, if you were implying anything there I will kick your ass" Max yelled at him. Alec gave her a 'who, me?' look. "Yes, him and Zack, I was always closer to them then anyone else" she told him, "they were my brothers, and I lost them both" she looked down.  
  
Ben put a hand in hers, "You haven't lost me Maxie" he told her. "I know" she said. He smiled at her and she smiled back.  
  
"Well, you seem to be in a good mood today" Alec said.  
  
Max looked at him at him, "what do you mean? " she asked him.  
  
"Well you keep on smiling" he said, "and" he held up his hand which was holding hers, "I didn't realize we were on a hand holding level of friendship" he returned his hand to hi side, not letting go of hers.  
  
Max stared at their hands, then looked up at Ben. He was nodding at her, smiling. okay she told herself if it makes Ben happy. So they walked down the street, Ben on her one side, Alec on the other.  
  
"So, what happened in your dream?" Alec asked. He looked down at their hands. He couldn't believe she was holding hands with him. It was very out of character for her. She didn't answer, she was looking to her side, smiling a little. "Hello, Max" he said trying to get her attention.  
  
"Oh what? I'm sorry, What did you ask?" she said.  
  
"What did you dream about?" he asked again.  
  
She looked down again. Then she looked to her side again, waited for a moment and nodded. "I dreamed about his death" she said. "Every little detail was there in my mind" Alec saw a tear form in the corner of her eye.  
  
"How did he die" Alec asked. He had wanted to know this for a while. Ben was after all his brother, even though they had never met.  
  
"I killed him" she said. Alec was stunned. He didn't understand. She started talking again though, "He was killing, Manticor had driven him insane. He wanted to be good, a good solider, so he could go to the good place" she said. Not much of her explanation made any sense to Alec so far. "So, I got in a fight with him, trying to stop him, and I broke his leg. He didn't mean to do anything wrong Alec, he was good, really, he was. I was helping him up, so we could go. I could get him help I could help him. He was good. But we heard a helicopter" she was crying now.  
  
"And he begged, he begged me not to let them take him. Not to leave him behind. And he was good, he was himself again. I couldn't leave him. They would put him with the Nomlaies, so I killed him. I had to, I couldn't carry him and escape in time. If I stayed I would of been taken also, And I couldn't just leave him there. He was good, a good solider" Alec looked at her. She was shaking her head a little, like some one was talking to her while she was trying to work through her thoughts. "I-..I, I had to-I-I couldn't leave him, he was a good solider, he couldn't go to the nomlaies"  
  
Alec didn't understand her at all anymore. but he saw that she was crying, and he didn't know how to handle this situation. He hadn't been trained for this kind of thing in manticor. He put his free hand on her cheek and turned her so she was facing him, stopping them both. "You did what you had to do" he said.  
  
She fell into him, throwing her arms around her neck. He wrapped his arms around her, slightly more comfortable this time. "I know, I know I had to, but I missed you Ben, I missed you"  
  
Alec pulled back from her and held her shoulders, bending slightly, looking her directly in the eyes, "Max, it's me Alec, I'm not Ben" he said.  
  
She looked at him, her Eyes were full of confusion, like she didn't understand why he was saying this. She shook her head, "I know" she said, I wasn't calling you Ben, I was just saying that I missed him" she said. Alec wasn't so sure about her answer.  
  
"Max, are you okay?" he asked her.  
  
Max looked at Ben, he nodded, "Of course I'm okay, I just miss my brother" she said. Ben smiled at her.  
  
"I'm not your brother, you know that don't you? I'm not Ben, we're to completely different people, I never even met him" he said. But as Max looked at Alec, she just saw more and more of Ben in him. She nodded any ways. She grabbed his hand again and leaned into him a little. Ben grabbed her other hand and they walked again.  
  
" So, why the sudden urge to change your hair?" Alec asked her. As they were walking down the beat up trashed side walk.  
  
"Oh, well, um, I used to always have my hair shorter and curled, but you know, Manticor kind of changed that" she explained, "And well Be-" She stopped herself as she saw Ben shaking his head, "I always like it more liked that." Alec smiled down at her, she smiled right back at him, "You looked just like Ben just then" she said.  
  
Alec looked away, "I'm his twin, I always look like him" he said. He didn't like being compared to Ben, especially not by Max, and nod when she was acting so weird.  
  
"I know, but your facial expressions are usually so different. But just then, when you smiled at me, you were him. He always smiles at me like that" she said. "Oh, here we are" she said as they turned the corner.  
  
Alec looked up at the salon, "Max, are you sure you want to get your hair cut here, I mean, there's lots of other places" he said.  
  
"Alec, what's your problem, This place is great. They're cheep and they to a good job" Max said.  
  
"But you know who can do a better Job? Me! Let's go back to my place, common, I'll do a great job, you'll see" he said trying to convince her not to go into the salon.  
  
Max rolled her eyes and pulled him in to the salon. "Alec!" a busty blond woman said enthusiastically as they entered. She came up and put a hand on his face, "Oh poor thing, what happened to your eye, whose this?" She said looking at Max, "Are you here for your weakly nail appointment, I don't have you marked down for today, but I can squeeze you in" she said.  
  
"Your weakly nail appointment?" Max asked. She held up their hands, well, that actually explains allot" she said.  
  
"Um, Bar fight" Alec said gesturing to his forehead. "Um, I'm not here for my nails, My friend Max here, wants to get her hair cut" Alec said.  
  
"Oh, well no problem, common Max, we'll get that hair fixed up in no time". She pulled Max into a seat in the back of the room. Alec sat on one of the couches and read a Magazine. He prepared himself for the taunting of Max.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	4. Wakeing up to you

A/N Okay, this next chapter is a little wierd, and might be hard to follow. But it's suposed to be, so bare with me here. I'm sory for the wait on this chapter, I'll try to get the next one up sooner, it's just that my lap top broke, and it's very hard to get time on the family computer. Since this chapter is a little off, I would apreciate reviews so I know if I shold not do more like it. Thanks:)  
  
Chapter4......... Wakeing up to you  
  
"Why don't you order a Pizza for everyone" Ben suggested.  
  
"Do you guys feal like pizza?" Max asked OC And Alec.  
  
"Sounds good to me" Oc said. Alec grunted in approval.  
  
Max was about to pick up the phone to order a pizza when the phone rang, "Hello" she said into the phone.  
  
"Hey Max it's me" Logan said into the phone.  
  
"Hey Logan what's up?" she asked him.  
  
"Not much, I was thinking maybe you might want to come over for dinner or something" he suggested.  
  
"Well, that sounds Grea-" Max stopped talking as she saw Ben shaking his head. "Pizza Maxie" he said to her. "I'm sorry Logan, We were all gonna order a pizza" She told him.  
  
"You have people over" he asked her.  
  
"Well, not exactly, it's just me Original Cindy, Alec and B-....Just me Alec and original Cindy" she said.  
  
"Oh, well, how'd the hair cut go?" he asked her.  
  
"Great" she said, "I look just how I did before Manticore, I love it, and you'll never guess what I found out. Alec gets his nails done once a weak. Mister perfect apparently need help be so" she told him her juicy bit of gossip.  
  
Logan laughed on the other line. "Well, it's nice to know you all had fun, I should go. Tell Alec I'll leave the door unlocked if he ends up coming home late" Logan said.  
  
"I can't believe your actually letting him live with you. I'd probably pull every one of my nicely styled hairs out" she said.  
  
"I heard that" Alec said from the couch.  
  
"Well I'll see ya latter" Max said.  
  
""Yeah, Bye" Logan said. Max hung the phone up and dialed the number to a pizza place, and ordered a pizza.  
  
Ben came up behind her and put his hands in her hair. "It really does look cute like this" He said. He gently and softly kissed the top of her head. "Why don't you go sit with Alec, he looks board" Ben said.  
  
Max obediently went over to Alec and sat by him. "Your hair looks so cute like that" he said. Max had to laugh at this. Alec really was exactly like Ben sometimes.  
  
"Are you implying that it looked bad before?" she asked.  
  
Alec rolled his eyes, "Women, they can never just except a compliment" Ben made a gesture in agreement. Max glared at them both.  
  
"It's not that I can't except a compliment, its that I cant except a compliment from you." Max said. Alec rolled his eyes.  
  
"So do want to head to the crash after the pizza?" Oc asked, "you can show off your hair" she said.  
  
"Every one has already seen my hair like this" Max said. "I don't really want to go out tonight, I'm tired." she said.  
  
"Yeah, I got to agree with Max, I'll probably hang out here for a while then go home, well to Logans" Alec said.  
  
"You live with Logan now? What's with that" OC asked him. He shrugged.  
  
"Yeah, what is with that. First I see you two hugging, then Your showering at his house and talking about fabric softener. You trying to steal him" Max asked jokingly.  
  
"Well, you know, how could I resist the guy. With all his heroic actions. Never thinking about himself first. Always fighting the good fight" Alec said. Max hit the back of his head. "Ow, that hurt" he whined. "No, well, the hug, that was all weird chick Mias fault. And, I mean, I came here, but you were all acting wacky, so I Went to Logans" he said. "I got to stay some where don't I?"  
  
" I guess so" Max said. Max closed her eyes and thought. She leaned into Ben a little. He put his arm around her shoulders. She relaxed into him. She was pulled back to reality a few moments latter by a knock at the door. She opened her eyes, and looked at Ben. She smiled at her brother. He smiled back, a very un Ben smile. It was Alec. She had done it again. And she was quite worried that she was sending Alec the wrong signals.  
  
"Come on Max" Oc said, "lets get the door. She pulled her off the couch and over the door. "What's with you and the pretty manticore boy?" She asked her quietly at the door.  
  
"What? Nothing" Max said. OC stared at her with a 'mmhmm' Look. "I was tired and I spaced out, it's been a long day" she said. She put a hand up on her head. " a very long strange day".  
  
She opened the door, took the pizza, and gave the pizza guy the money. She shut the door. "Maybe I should stay in tonight instead of going out" OC said.  
  
"I'm not a child" Max said, "I don't need you here to baby-sit me." She put the pizza down on the counter, and opened the box. She found herself lacking in the area of hunger. She put a hand over her stomach and sat down. She felt extremely noxious.  
  
"You okay Maxie?" Ben asked sitting next to her, putting a hand on her forehead. Max nodded. "Why don't you lie down" he suggested.  
  
Max followed her orders and laid down on the couch. Alec came over, and moved her feet making room for him. He began to eat his large slice of pizza in a very piggish manor. "What, they didn't teach you table manors at Manticore" OC asked him.  
  
"I'm not at a table" Alec said, continuing to chomp away on his pizza slice.  
  
"And this is the man who gets his nails done, and uses lotion to make himself more attractive to women. What, we don't count as women now? Show some manors" she said. Alec ignored the comment, however, Oc didn't.  
  
"What's this about getting your nails done?" Oc asked.  
  
"It's not like it sounds" Alec said.  
  
"It's not?" she asked.  
  
"Well yeah, it kind of is" he admited. Max laughed and then slowly drifted off to sleep, listening to the banters of Alec and Original Cindy.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Max woke up and found herself alone except for Ben. "They left" he said. She nodded, rubbing her eyes and sitting up. "What time is it?" she asked Ben. He shrugged, not knowing. She stood up and walked over to him.  
  
He picked up the tips of her hair again and twirled it around his finger. "Your hair really does look cute like this" She smiled at him.  
  
"I love having you here. When did they leave?" she asked him.  
  
"About a half hour ago" he said. "So, what do you want to do?" he asked.  
  
"I think I want to go to bed" she said. "I'm tired" He nodded and grabbed her hand leading her into her room. He pulled back the blankets of her bed and waited for her to get in.  
  
When she did he covered her up and sat on the edge of her bed. He brushed the hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. Max felt like a six year old being tucked into bed. "Good night baby sister, love ya he said.  
  
"Love you to, good night" she said. He stood up. "Your leaving me?" she asked him.  
  
He sighed and shook his head. He laid down next to her on the bed, and wrapped an arm around her. "Your getting to old for this Maxie" he said. She smiled at his remark and closed her eyes, content being with her big brother. Her brother she had thought she had lost.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Max woke up with the sun shinning down on her face. She felt Bens arm around her, and snuggled back against him. Something seemed a little off. She opened her eyes and saw his bare arm wrapped across her chest. Her bare chest. She sat up quickly and brought the sheet quickly up over her body. She looked down at Ben who was now stirring.  
  
He also appeared to be naked. Now, she couldn't of had sex with Ben, he was her brother. Well, like a brother. She knew that it never would happen, he wouldn't go for it, and neither would she. She shook her head trying to remember the night before. She remembered falling asleep with him. sleep, nothing else.  
  
He began to stir. He opened up his eyes and smiled at her, sitting up next to her. "Be, I... what?" she asked him, needing answers to what had happened.  
  
He frowned, "Max, no. You didn't think, Max, I'm not Ben, it's me. Alec". 


	5. God. Oh God no.

A/N-Okay, and here is chapter 5. Thank you for the reviews, and please review more. It helps me write, and if people are reviewing then I know people are reading it, and I'm not writing for nothing. Thanks:)  
  
Chapter 5.........God. Oh God no.  
  
Max brought her knees to her chest and closed her eyes. "No!" she said. I remember what happened, that's not what happened!" she said. She could remember Ben kissing her forehead. But at the same time she had flashes of being with Alec.  
  
"Max, that's what happened. I was going to leave, but you told me not to. You said you liked having me here" Alec said to her.  
  
"No, your lying. It was Ben. I told Ben I liked him being here" she said. But as she said this she remembered Alec putting on his coat to leave, and her stooping him. It couldn't be, he had to be lying. She was with Ben. "It was Ben. I-I asked him t-to stay" she stumbled over her words. "He laid down with me and I went to sleep" she said.  
  
"Max, no" Alec said. You came up to me, I asked you what you wanted to do. You took my hand and started kissing me. Max, please tell me you remember.  
  
As he talked, she remembered what he was telling her. She remembered wrapping her arm around his neck and kissing him. Backing him into her room. He had acted surprised awkwardly putting a hand on her hip. But then, it was as though something had clicked inside of them both. His hand that wasn't on her hip went up to hold her head, kissing her back deeply. They had moved together. They had fit together perfectly.  
  
She hated it. She could remember it happen, but she didn't even know it was happening at the time. "Max," he said quietly, "You have to remember" he said. he put a hand on her shoulder.  
  
She rolled off the bed away from him, bringing the sheet with her and huddled in the corner of her room. Alec sat under her thin blue blanket looking horrified. "No, NO NO NO!!!" she shouted. She sat curled up gasping in the corner. She couldn't tell what was true. She remembered what Alec was saying, But Ben was here, she knew it. But her memories of What happened between her and Ben were fading into her Alec memories.  
  
Alec swung his legs around the edge of the bed and put his boxers on. He walked over to where Max was. He put a hand on each one of her shoulders and looked at her. "Max, Ben is Dead, He has been dead since last year. I am not Ben, I am Alec. Alec, just Alec" He said to her.  
  
Max lifted her head up and looked into his eyes. His dark blue eyes that were full of shadows. Yet they were warm. She didn't often see him with this look, he looked concerned. She believed him. Ben was dead, she had killed him. "II.... your, I think" she didn't know what to say.  
  
She just wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself against him. He put his arms around her and rubbed her back comfortingly with his large strong hands. He put his other hand on her neck and stroked it slowly. "It's okay, as long as you know" he said. He pulled away from her a little and they looked at each other. They put there foreheads together and looked at each other.  
  
Alecs skin was warm against hers. She felt safe and warm. She didn't want to leave his embrace, not now, not ever. She moved her face so that her cheek was against his, and nuzzled his face a little, and then, acting on an impulse, she kissed him. His full lips were soft and tender against hers. The kiss was pleasant, and filled her with his warmth. She pulled back and stared at him. He pressed his lips to hers again. a few times, in simple delicate closed mouth kisses, which she returned.  
  
At last he fully pulled back, putting space between them. Her body ached and felt cold with the absence of his warmth. He would leave her now. Leave her with the knowledge that Ben was dead, and make her face it alone. "I think I should go back now, to Logans" he said.  
  
Logan. Logan. No, oh God no. What could she possibly tell Logan? Alec stood up, and reached a hand down to help her up. "Alec, Logan, please don't tell him. I mean, he can't, I can't-"  
  
Alec silenced her with a finger on her mouth. "I know" he said sadly. He found his pants and put them on. Max watched him do this. He was so beautiful. She had always been physically attracted to him. It was one of the reasons she found him so annoying. He was good looking, and he knew it.  
  
His torso was long and lean and muscular. His skin was such a nice shade, so full of life, hardly ever pale. He pulled his light blue sweater over his head, completely covering his beautiful body, though not making him any less attractive.  
  
She had never really thought of Ben as attractive. She knew he wasn't ugly, but he was her brother. But Alec. For some reason with Alec it was different. He moved in such way, with such a grace. She knew that it wasn't natural, that none of it was. It was from manticore. Just like with her. 'They know how to make 'em pretty' OCs voice rang through her head.  
  
He ran a hand through his hair, straitening it out. His back was to her now, and she had to admit she was enjoying the view. From head to toe. The way his sandy hair was messed on top of his head, poofing out over his ears a little as it sometimes did. He had been letting is get a little longer lately. She liked it. How it came down in small delicate little curls over his bar code. The bar code she had specifically told him to cover up. He never did listen to her. She admired how she could see the muscles in his back though his sweater as he moved his arm up in a last desperate attempt to fix his hair.  
  
"Do you have a comb or something I could use?" Alec asked Max.  
  
She laughed t his vanity, "Yeah" she walked over to her dresser, keeping the sheet wrapped around her body, and grabbed Silver comb off of it. It had been a gift to her, from some foster mother. She couldn't remember anymore.  
  
He took it from her, a look of disgust on his face, "anything less, feminine?" he asked.  
  
Max grabbed his hand and put her fingertips on his nails, "that say that again moisturizing boy?" she asked, "By the way, I do have lotion, it's in the bathroom" she added.  
  
He cringed and quickly ran the dainty comb through his hair. She smiled watching him. Her hand still healed one of his, and she laced their fingers. Alec put the comb down and grabbed the back of her head, pulling her into a kiss. She kept their hands laced through the whole passionate kiss, her free hand holding up the sheet, his free hand stroking the back of her neck. kiss was quick, but it left her breathless. He stepped back and left the room, holding on to her hand until the space separated their fingers. She was begging to see why he was so popular with the ladies, besides the obvious of course.  
  
It had been an interesting few days. She had found a file on manticore, which she still needed to read all of. She had found her brother, albeit from insanity. And at the peek of her craziness, she had slept with Alec, and now she didn't know how she felt about him. She opened her dresser and pulled out a long oversized dark green shirt. She shut the drawer to open another one. She grabbed out a pair of underwear and slipped them on.  
  
Out of the corner of her eye she saw a glint of something gold. She grabbed it to see what it was. It was Bens 'Blue lady' pendant. She had kept it when he died. As she looked at it, she was full of sorrow again.  
  
"You looked so happy together" Ben came up behind her and took the necklace, fasting it behind her neck. "You should wear this" he said. Max turned around. "Your not here" she said, "Your a figment of my imagination. Your dead."  
  
Ben looked truly hurt. "Maxie, if I'm dead how can I be here?" he reached out and touched her face. "Common baby sister, it's me, Ben, I'm right here. I said I wouldn't leave you and I'm not going to.  
  
Max shook her head, trying to cling to reason, trying to hold on to sanity. But she could feal him. She could see him. She could smell him. He had always had this scent that was only his. Maybe it was her feline DNA, but he had this indescribable scent that was simply Ben. She made a last desperate attempt to hold on to her sanity, shaking her head, hoping he would disappear. But it didn't help, she was to far gone. She fell forward into his arms, feeling all reason floating away from her, and not caring. She missed him to much.  
  
It had always been Ben and Zack over all else to her at Manticore. Zack was gone. She couldn't ever have him back with out causing harm to others. But Ben was hurting anyone. And she missed them both so much. If she had the chance to have one of them, why wouldn't she take it?". 


	6. The morning after

A/N-And here is the next chapter in my little adventure. Oh the things that happen in my mind. I tried to make this chapter slightly longer. There was originally another hunk of it. But Me, being the brilliant Human I am, forgot the cord to my laptop at the house I was baby-sitting at. They have still not returned my phone calls about getting it back grrrrrr. But, as I was thinking about it, I realized it was crap, and lucky you all, you get slightly less crappie writing. I of course always think my writing sucks however, so hey, it could be some of my best work. But no. You will get this. HA!!!! Now, please, review review review. You must boost my ego so I write more instead of once again thinking, 'why am I writing this' and end it, deciding to leave no closure, but with a promised sequel. No, I don't think that will happen to me on this one, I'm enjoying it to much. Wow, look at me, I'm babbling in an Arthur's note, to think, I promised myself I would never do that. Hmmm.........  
  
Chapter 6.......The morning after  
  
"Honey, I'm home" Alec said as he enterd Logans pent house. He looked around the apartment, Alec was at his little eyes only set up, his arms crossed, looking at him.  
  
"So" he said in a very stern tone, "Where were you all last night?" he asked.  
  
Alecs neck began to itch, as it always did when he was nervous. "Oh, I, uh, we fell asleep on the couch, all three of us. You know, some boring pre pulse tv show" he said. "They're all the same" he scratched the back of his neck.  
  
"Max? Max who hardly ever sleeps unless seriously injured, fell asleep, on a couch, with you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Well, ya know, I think she's been feeling a little ill lately. Mentally, and physically" he said, hoping that a 'smart Alec' remark would get Logans suspicions down. "Now, Dad," he said mockingly, "I'm going to go take a shower" he said.  
  
Logan watched him leave. He didn't believe Alecs story, though he didn't really think that anything would happen between him and Max. He didn't know what to think. He sighed and leaned back into his chair, and played BINGO on his computer.  
  
Alec stepped under the hot water of the shower and let it pour over him. Her ran his fingers through his now wet hair, trying not to think about Max. Big surprise, he failed. Alec had always had some feelings for Max that he knew he shouldn't. At first he just thought it was because she was from the outside world, exotic. But after he had been out of Manticore for a while, he realized that wasn't it. She had this way.  
  
He was so used to having women melt at the mere sight of him. But Max hardly ever looked at him in a way that wasn't annoyed. She didn't fall for his humble act, the tough guy act, of the 'I care only for me' act. She saw right through his every disguise.  
  
But lately, lately she had been acting so much more kind to him. At first he thought it was because she felt bad for kicking his ass in the ring, but, the way she had looked at him the previous night.  
  
FLASHBACK;  
  
Alec grabbed his coat to put it on. Max woke up and stood up. What time is it?" she asked Alec. Alec shrugged. "When did she leave?" Max asked him.  
  
"About half an hour ago, I'm about to head out myself, I think I've had my fill of pre pulse television for the day. I'll probably go Back to Logans and watch some pre pulse movie.  
  
Max walked really close to him, and Alec backed up a little. He was uncomfortable with the silence so he did the first thing that came to mind. He reached out and touched the ends of her hair, "Um your, hair, uh.. looks cute" he said, stumbling over his words. Max was really really close to him, and it was making him nervous. HIM.  
  
"Don't go, I like having you here" she said.  
  
"Okay, um, what do you want to do?" he asked. He was beginning to be annoyed at the fact that she was making him nervous. It should be the other way around.  
  
"I want to go to bed" she said grabbing his hand. Alec nearly choked at her words. She came up to him, her face was now not an inch from his. She smiled and leaned down and kissed his neck. Alec felt a shudder run through him at the light touch of her full soft lips.  
  
She moved her head back up and started kissing his mouth. She led him into her room a little. Alec was nearly out raged at himself now. It ended here, he would have the control. He wrapped his arms around her waist and began kissing her back as full as he knew how to. His kiss had made women melt before, but with Max, she just kept returning the kiss with full force.  
  
She pulled back for a moment, and he had a chance to look at her. Her eyes were large and darker then ever, slightly glazed over. She had the strangest look, like she was looking at him but not AT him. He stepped back, and reluctantly moved away from her. "I should go" he said, and turned to leave.  
  
"Your leaving me?" she said in a little whine. He was going to. Really. He had every intention to leave. But his body had a mind of it's own. He turned back around and rushed back over to her. He grabbed her waist and lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck and kissed him on the mouth. He returned the kiss, but then moved his mouth down to her neck, leaving a trail of kisses as far as her shirt collar went down, before moving back to her mouth.  
  
She moved her mouth to his cheek and laid kisses all over his soft skin. He kissed her forehead, then she pulled back slightly and looked at him. He put his face next to hers so they were cheek to cheek for just a moment. It was the most intimate moment he had had since Rachel. He had slept with many women, besides Rachel, but with them, it had been just that. Sex.  
  
But with Rachel, and now Max, he felt more. There was feeling behind every movement. They moved together, it was like a dance. He had first felt this rhythmical feeling with Max when they were fighting. It was like they both knew what the other one was going to do.  
  
It had been different with Rachel. He felt it with her as he was placing her small delicate pale hands on the piano, showing her a more proper form. She had looked at him, starring right into his soul. He hadn't felt it again until Max.  
  
And he loved it. He reveled in the feeling of being complete. He moved back and sat on Max's bed. She cupped his face with her hands and stared at him. He stared right back. Their lips once again met and He turned them over, so they were lying down now with him on top. "Max" he said in a shuddering breath as he came up for air. She simply pulled him back down and continued to kiss him.  
  
PRESENT  
  
Alec leaned his head against the wet wall of the shower. He hated that it was Max who had reawakened this feeling. Why her? Why the one woman that was off limits. And here he was, in the bathroom of the man who loved her. Mooching off of him. Off of his house, his money, his possessions, and His girlfriend.  
  
He stepped out of the water that was now running cold and wrapped a towel around his body. He cleared the steam off of the mirror with his hand and looked at his dripping wet form. her ran his hand through his hair, removing some of the water, and ran his hands over his face.  
  
When he had woken up this morning to her looking down at him horrified, he thought he would die. He smiled at her, hoping to wash the look away with his charm, it didn't work though. He hated what he saw in her eyes. Worry, disgust almost. And then she had called him Ben. She thought he was Ben. He was beginning to feal like she would never see Alec, Only her dead brother who had begged her to kill him.  
  
The pain he felt when she said that was unbearable. Then she had accused him of lying when he was simply trying to explain what had happened. She had flinched away from his touch. But in the end she did remember, and she realized that Ben was an allusion. Or did she? She had kissed him, and he was sure she knew it was him she was kissing, because when she though he was Ben, she was disgusted with the idea of having sex with him.  
  
But he wasn't so sure she could just snap out of it. He was beginning to doubt it more and more as the seconds past. She was sick. One does not just realize that there delusions are a delusion just like that. He quickly put on his clothes. He needed to go back there and see if she really was all right. They could ride their Bikes to work together, or something.  
  
He walked out of the penthouse, "I have some things to do, I'll be back soon" he called to Logan and shut the door behind him before waiting for a reply.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Max sipped up her Jam pony jacket up half way, and grabbed her messenger Bag. She her sun glasses on her head and Got her bicycle from her room and left her apartment. Alec was right outside of her apartment in the hall, waiting with his bike.  
  
"Hey Max, what's up?" he asked her nervously, his neck itching again.  
  
"Umm.... not much, just going to work, like you I see" she said. Alec nodded.  
  
"I thought we could go together, catch up ya know" he said giving her his most charming Alec grin.  
  
"What ever" she said pushing her sunglasses down over her eyes.  
  
Alec noticed something gold hanging from a chain around her neck. He reached out and touched it, studding the object. "Ooo, pretty, what is it?" he asked he looked at the small woman on the necklace, admiring it.  
  
"Oh, that's right, you don't learn about religion in manticore. Its the virgin Mary" she said. She looked down at his hand and waited for him to move it away from her. But he didn't, instead, he moved his hand over the exposed skin over the neck line of her shirt, and moved his hand up to cup her cheek. She leaned into the soft skin of his hand without thinking. "Max, are you okay? I mean really".  
  
"mmmhmmm....." she said, her eyes closing not really paying attention to the question, more to the warmth radiating from his hand.  
  
"Are you sure, because this morning, when you thought I was Ben" she pulled away from him, her eyes shot open and she looked at him. "And then you know, sleeping with me is pretty much out of character for you" he went on.  
  
"Alec I'm fine, I'm always all right" she said. Alec remembered saying the same words to her not to long ago. He had not been all right. "And about last night, that can't happen again. You understand right? I mean, I like you. More then I should probably" she said. He smiled at the second part of what she had said. "SOMETIMES" she added sternly. He frowned again. "But you and me, it just can't be. I'm with Logan" she paused as if wondering if she should go on, "I love him. And, I don't know, maybe if things were different.., but they're not. I can't be with you Alec. Not now, not ever".  
  
Alec nearly stumbled back in pain. "But Max, you can't BE with Logan either. Not with out killing him" Alec stated. He was expecting this from Max. He knew it was coming, but he hadn't dreamed it would hurt this much. He couldn't remember being rejected. Well, maybe a couple times. But he always comforted himself by choosing to believe they were lesbians. Like Asha. She was definitely Gay. Or so he chose to believe.  
  
"Thanks to you" Max said. Alec opened his mouth to apologize again, but she stopped him, "No Alec, I know your sorry, and I know it wasn't really your fault, you were just following orders. But my point is, Maybe I can't be with him physically, But, he's still there. And he loves me, and I love him. And as soon as we have a cure-"  
  
she was cut off by Alec, "A cure. A CURE!" he shouted. Always this stupid cure. Well, Maxi, wake up already, What if there is no cure. Or even if there is, what if you never find it. You'll be an old women, never knowing the love of any man But one that you could never touch. You'll wake up one morning, and realize that you wasted your life away. That's assuming that Logan doesn't leave you for some girl who's even younger then you, who he can touch with out dyeing. Come back to reality already Max, Maybe your just not meant to be with Logan?" Alec stopped talking, he had just let out months worth of anger and pent up frustration.  
  
"Oh" Max said now red with anger, "And who is the right person for me? You solider boy? Monty Cora?"  
  
"Well Manticore sure seemed to think so" he said.  
  
"Manticore" she spit out disgustedly. "Like they care about love, like they know anything about it" she yelled.  
  
"They seem to know more then you. Admit it, your just a confused little girl who doesn't know anything about love.  
  
"Oh, is that what this is about then? Love? I don't think so. Love has nothing to do with this. You know that and so do I. It was an attraction. A simple attraction, nothing more. An itch that needed to be scratched, well, believe me, that itch is gone now."  
  
"An itch, that's all this was?" how can you say that?" he said hurt.  
  
His words bounced right past her she continued her rant, "and who are you to point fingers about not know about love. About confusion. You killed the girl you loved, well I'm willing to put up more of a fight for the one I love", as soon as the words left her mouth she regretted them.  
  
Alec didn't say anything. He tightly griped the handle bars of his bicycle. He clenched his jaw tightly shut. He looked right at her. The pain in his eyes was more emotion then he had ever seen from him. He turned away. They were now outside and he hopped on his bike, riding quickly away.  
  
"Ouch" Ben said from behind her.  
  
Max turned into his arms and let her bike fall to the ground. "Oh Ben, what have I done" she said. "He loved Rachel, he tried to save her. I cant believe I said that. But, what he was saying about me and Logan",  
  
"Shhhh" Ben silenced her rubbing her back, "What he said about you and Logan is right" Ben told her. Max was ready to pull back but he stopped her, "Maxie, you know this is true, deep down inside or I wouldn't be saying this. You and Logan both are wasting your life away trying to find a cure. Don't you think if it was meant to be you would of found a cure by now" he asked. "Your putting Logan in danger just by being near him. You could slip at any minute, and just the tiniest touch is all that would be needed to kill him. Your putting him at the same risk Alec had Rachel at. Don't make his mistake. If you love him, then you need to leave him"  
  
Max thought about what he was saying. It sank to the bottom of her stomach. She couldn't bear the though that she and Logan could never be together. It was just to wrong. To cruel a punishment from the fates. "Maxie" Ben said compassionately, "It may seem like the end of the world now, but time heals all wounds, and so does love. You'll both find other people. And you'll both have your happy ending, just not the ones you were expecting".  
  
Max wiped her tears on Ben's shirt and left his embrace to pick up her bike. She really didn't want what Ben was saying to be true. But she knew. She had always know that things might not work with Logan. But her heart couldn't take the thought right now. She recoiled inside herself. She went back into the arms of Ben, sinking deeper into her insanity, and welcoming the mind numbing darkness it offered at the moment, and she fainted. 


	7. Surprise

Chapter7...... Surprise  
  
Alec had barely been riding his Bike when he heard the shocked gasps of nearby people. He turned around and saw a group of people crowding around where he had just been talking to Max. He didn't see her anywhere, so he turned around and went to see what was going on.  
  
"She just fainted" he heard some woman saying. He felt a sinking feeling. He jumped off his bike and let it fall to the ground. Who cared if someone stole it? It was the jam ponies not his. He pushed his way through the crowed of people. And he saw her. She was just lying there. She looked so small. when did she become this small he thought to himself. He never had thought of her as small, she was always in his face, threatening him.  
  
And she was usually so strong. Now she looked weak. Right now, he felt like he could just reach out and cradle her in the palm of his hand. Her face was pale, and it made her lips stand out as the only color on her face. Her dark eyelashes fell softly on her cheeks at the end of her eyelid which were covering her beautiful dark eyes. Her body was in a tiny heap on the ground, tangled slightly with her bike. Her hair fell out behind her. Her necklace stood out brightly on her chest, shining in the soft morning sun.  
  
For a moment, he thought he could just leave her. She had said something so horrible to him, that she deserved it. But he knew he couldn't. He would take her to Logans, and leave. He would never have to see her again, but first he had to get her to Logans. He really wished he had his car, it would make things allot easier, but he didn't. He was after all an x5 though so it shouldn't be hard.  
  
He walked over to her and bent over her small form. A woman was kneeling over her, nervously checking her pulse. She looked up at him suspiciously. "She's my wife, it's okay" he explained, saying the first thing that popped into his twisted brain, "She was a little sick today, but wanted to come out any ways, I'll take her home" he said. The woman nodded and backed away. Alec moved away from Max for a moment to lock their bikes to a bike rack in front of a building.  
  
He went back over to Max, and lifted her Small body. She was surprisingly light. It would make the walk to Logans much easier. Though telling Logan what happened wouldn't be. Let's see, how could he explain. 'gee Logan, I was telling Max that she's wasting her life with you, then she hurt my feelings so I left. I guess she just couldn't take the issue, so she fainted. Buy the way, your girl friend slept with me last night, and there's a very high chance she is insane., Well, I'm gonna go now, you understand, I'm just not comfortable being around her right now, see ya latter, after work I guess since I now live here, Bye bye'. No, he definitely wouldn't take that well. He would just say she fainted on their way to work. Then he would look for a new place. Living with Logan would not work for him, not at all.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Max woke once again in the soft sheets of her bed. The sun shone brightly, but it felt gray to her. She pressed the play button on the CD player by her bed and let the depressing pre pulse song come through the speakers. It was an old one, '94 or something. This morning was like every morning she had been having lately. the slow beat came in through the speakers, and the rhythmic voice of the female singer came out.  
  
The lines of my earth, so brittle, unfertile, and ready to die.  
  
I need a drink, but the well has run dry.  
  
And we in the habit of saying the same things all over again,  
  
For the money we shall make.  
  
This is the last song that I write  
  
'Til you tell me otherwise.  
  
And it's because I just don't feel it.  
  
This is the last song that I write  
  
'Til you tell me otherwise.  
  
And it's because I just don't feel it anymore.  
  
It should be our time. This fertile youth's black soil is ready for rain.  
  
The harvest is nigh, but the well has gone dry.  
  
And they in the habit of saying the same things all over again,  
  
about the money we shall make.  
  
This is the last song that I write  
  
'Til you tell me otherwise.  
  
And it's because I just don't feel it.  
  
This is the last song that I write  
  
'Til you tell me otherwise.  
  
And it's because I just don't feel it anymore.  
  
She rolled over and let the welcoming arms of Ben embrace her. She looked at the clock, it was 7:30. She moaned not wanting to go to work. Her life was a big mass of depression now. One she didn't want to face. It had been exactly 1 month, 2 weeks and 3 days since she slept with Alec. Since he stopped talking to her. He was still around, at the jam pony, but he never said anything to her, and if she went up to him, he would walk away. Since she had fainted. It had been easy to write it off to Logan, She just told him that she had been ill, and was still trying to recover. He had just smiled and said he was happy she was all right.  
  
But she wasn't. She had know idea why she fainted, one minute she was hugging her brother, the next she woke u at Logans. And, worst of all, it had been exactly three days, two hours and twenty three minutes since she found out she was pregnant. Life was anything but good. She continued to lie in Bens arms, letting some of her fear and doubt drift off for the moment. and listened to the song as it slowly came to and end  
  
This is the last song that I write  
  
'Til you tell me otherwise.  
  
And it's because I just don't feel it.  
  
This is the last song that I write  
  
' Til you tell me otherwise.  
  
And it's because I just don't feel it anymore  
  
The music played, reflecting the dryness of her soul at the moment. OC came into her bedroom, with out knocking. "Okay, boo, tell me what's wrong, every morning for the past three days you have been playing this depressing song by 'six pence none the richer', you only play it when your really upset. So, what's got my girl in a mood?" she asked, "You still haven troubles with your boy?".  
  
"He's not my boy" she said. "And I'm fine, can't I just listen to a song that I like?" she asked. Oc raised an eye brow at her. "Fine, I'll tell you. You can't tell anyone though" Max said. She really didn't want to have this conversation. She was kind of hoping that if she stayed in bed long enough that she would just wake up and find that it was all a dream. "Oc, remember that night that Alec was over, a little over a month ago?" OC nodded. "Well, I kind of accidentally, on a big huge lack of good judgment slept with him" she said. She waited for a reaction.  
  
"Oh....." Oc said. She didn't say anything else, but Max could tell she was freaking out eternally.  
  
"It gets worse, Three days ago, I found out I was pregnant" she said.  
  
This time OC didn't hold back. She stood up and stared at the X5, mouth open wide. "You're what? you did what? does Logan know, Does Alec know? What are you gonna do?" she said in one breath.  
  
Max shook her head. "I'm not sure yet," she said, "No body knows. Especially not Logan. I guess I should tell Alec though" she said.  
  
"Oh, ya think?" Oc said sarcastically. "Listen, You get your ass out of Bed, get dressed, and go to work. You are telling Alec today" she said authoritatively.  
  
Max didn't like this new harsh side of Oc. She was waiting for the kind words and the 'it's okay boo'. Oc looked down at her, and saw the sad dejected look on her face. She sat back down. "She put an arm on her shoulder, "Listen Boo, it will be okay. Everything. It will all work out" she said.  
  
Max sat up in hugged her friend. "I hope your right" she said. Oc hugged her for a moment before leaving the room to let Max get dressed.  
  
Max stayed seated for a few minutes. Ben sat up and put an arm around her should, "Common Maxie, you've got to go to work, and you have to talk to Alec" he said.  
  
Max nodded and stood up. She walked over to her dresser and pulled out a pair of corduroy pants, and a black top. She got dressed quickly, wanting to get things over with. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, and looked down at her stomach, lifting her shirt up to expose her skin. She put a hand on her stomach, and thought. She prayed to the blue lady that her child wouldn't be messed up like her. That it wouldn't make stupid mistakes. That it would always know who she loved and who she didn't.  
  
She made a silent pray to herself that she would never let any of the Manticore people or any of Whites men get there hands on her child. Ben came up behind her and put a strong hand on over her own. "It will be okay" he said. Max nodded. Yet some how the comfort of Ben seemed obsolete, lacking in a way. And with that thought, an idea sprung into her head. She pulled her shirt down and grabbed a pack from her closet. She put some clothes in it and some money she had stashed away. Ben said nothing.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Max looked at Alec. He was over at his Locker, getting out his lunch. Max watched him sit down on the Bench, a leg on each side, and lay his food out in front of him. She had to smile at his choice of food. He had in front of him a peanut butter sandwich, some gram crackers, and a carton of chocolate milk. It was cute really. He could be like such a little boy sometimes.  
  
She took a deep breath. She had delayed this half the day already, she couldn't any longer. She walked over to him, and sat on the bench in front of him. He looked up with a grin, but it disappeared when he saw it was her. "I'm sorry" she said, wanting to start this conversation right.  
  
"That's nice, but please Max, I can't be around you right now" he said. He had a stiff look on his face. It was cold.  
  
Max swallowed, "Well, you need to be for a minute." she said. Alec looked annoyed and confused. She quickly continued, "Alec, there's something I need to tell you, and your not gonna like it" she said. She grabbed his hand, he pulled back but she wouldn't let go, "Alec, I'm, I-I'm pregnant" she said. She waited for his reaction.  
  
"Wha', how, what? WHAT!?" he yelled. Eyes turned and looked at them.  
  
Max didn't know if she could handle the complete rejection of her and their child. "Give him a minute" Ben said. He laid a comforting hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Alec, Listen, I know that you didn't want this, and I'll understand if you want nothing to do with me, but please don't take anger out on this baby. It's yours, it comes from your messed up genetically engineered blood" she said.  
  
But Alec didn't reject her. He reached out to her and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry" he whispered into her ears.  
  
Max wrapped her arms around his neck and relaxed into him for a few moments, but she had something else to say. "I'm leaving" she told him.  
  
He immediately pulled back and looked at her. "Forever? no Max you can't" he said.  
  
"I'm only going to be gone for a little while" she said.  
  
"Where are you going?" he asked.  
  
"Home".  
  
A/N-Okay, I hope you all enjoy this chapter, sorry, it did take me a little while to get it up. But, the important thing is that it's up now, and that you (hopefully) enjoyed it. Now, leave lots and lots of reviews, or I'm going to stop posting new chapters. I hate to say that, but I really want reviews, so thanks. Please Please Please REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	8. Going home

A/N-Okay, I feel the need to dedicate this chapter to the writers of dark Angel, for finally acknowledging Ben's existence. It's about time, and they did it in such a lovely way. That scene with Alec, oh no, now I'm gonna cry again.  
  
Chapter 8.........Going home  
  
Home. To some home is where there's always a fire in the fire place. Where there's always a pie in the oven. Always a plate for you on the dinner table. To some home is where the heart is. Well, if that was the case, then to Max home was inside of her. Because to Max home was not a building, home was not a plate, or a fire or any other little embroidered clichÃ©s. Home was a man. A brother. One who she desperately needed to be with at the moment. She had Ben, but she still needed Zack. And Zack was who she was going to see.  
  
She missed him so terribly. She remembered her twisted child hood more and more since Ben. When she had been little, and didn't sleep. Ben would make shadow puppets on the ceiling to amuse her. And sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, she would climb in bed with Zack, and he would slowly rub her back until she fell asleep, he himself half asleep at the time. She had to have her brother, she had to.  
  
She knew where he was, Logan had told her when he left. He was staying at a farm right outside of the city. She speeded up on her motorcycle. Something inside of her just told her that he would solve everything. She would rekindle his memories, tell him about Ben, about her pregnancy, and everything would be right again. Ben rested his cheek on her shoulder, "Are we there yet?" he asked. Max laughed at his impatience, he never could wait for things. Soldiers were supposed to have certain qualities, but Ben lacked in a few.  
  
She ignored him and chose not to answer him. Twenty minutes latter they were there. It was an interesting place. Homely. A barn shaped mail box stood at the end of a long dirt driveway. Hanging from it was a welcome sign. At the other end of the long drive way she could see a nice little house. It was blue but the paint was chipping, this in no way made the house look ratty. To the side of the house, there was a nice old fashion red barn. There was many acres of land, with a few horses roaming.  
  
Max drove down the long path until she reached the end at with the house. There were a few chickens roaming around, pecking at the ground. Max turned of her bike and hopped off, Ben right behind her. She went up to the door and knocked. She was taken slightly off guard when Zack himself answered the door.  
  
Max had been expecting him to look at her with a blank stare, wondering who the stranger was, maybe slight distant recognition. But the minute he laid his eyes on her, they were full of Zackness. He reached out and hugged, showing emotion that he didn't often show. "Max" he said, burring his face in her neck.  
  
Max was so taken by shock at his recognition of her that she just stood there, trying not to cry. "Zack, how.. how do you remember?" she asked when she could form a thought. She wrapped her arms around him in return.  
  
He pulled back from her and reached into his pocket, grabbing out a small picture. Max was surprised to see that it was a picture of herself. "I must of put it in my pocket before, you know" he explained, "Over time, it just came back, everything" he said.  
  
Max nodded. If it all came back, then why didn't you come to find me, or one of our other brothers or sisters?" she asked.  
  
"Well, I didn't come see you, mostly from embarrassment" he admitted shyly, "As I said, over time I remembered it all, and well. I don't know why I didn't contact anyone else. It's just, it's nice here, ya know? I've kind of been putting it off" he said. Max nodded understandingly. "Why are you here?" he asked after a moment. Her scent was intoxicating to him. He still loved her more then ever, and having her here, though pleasant, was also difficult.  
  
"Oh Zack" she said. She clutched at him, sobbing wildly. "Zack I'm pregnant" she said.  
  
"Shhhh, it's okay Max" he said, he clenched his jaw tightly, and rubbed her back slowly, "Is Logan the father" he asked rather coldly.  
  
"No" she said quietly, her voice squeaky. "He doesn't even know I'm-" she couldn't even finish the sentence. "We, we still can't touch" she explained.  
  
"If Logan's not the father, then who is?" Zack asked. He was a little taken aback by the fact that Logan wasn't the father.  
  
"Alec" she said quietly.  
  
Zack looked in his mind for the face of Alec. He couldn't quite remember it. But then a face he did know popped out in his mind. Ben. No, not Ben, Ben's twin. Alec. "You slept with Bens twin?" he asked shocked. She nodded into his shoulder. Zack stepped back from her, "Max, behind the house, there's another little house, that's where I live. Go there and wait for me" he directed her.  
  
Max nodded and went behind the house. There was a tiny little building, like a little cottage from a fairy tale. She entered the small home. It was a comfortable place. Small but cozy. It was basically one room. His bed was in a corner, with a blue blanket over it. It was neatly made up. Always the good solider Max thought to herself. In another corner there was a small kitchenette. There was a door off to the side that Max assumed was either a bathroom, or a closet.  
  
She sat down on the bed and waited for Zack. This little 'house' was nice. It didn't really scream Zack, but it did have the feel, a scent of Zack. She could understand why Zack liked it here. "So this is where our brother lives" Ben said sitting next to her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Zack closed the door as he left the house, After explaining to buddy the situation. It couldn't believe it. This is why he had always looked out for his brothers and sisters. So they didn't screw up their life's, or get killed. He's away for a couple of months and boom. Now his favorite, the on he loved above all other, more then he should, was in trouble.  
  
He opened the door but she didn't notice him. She appeared to be talking to herself. "Everything will be okay now" she was saying, "Zack will make everything better, you'll see" Zack was thinking that maybe Max was a little bit insane. He felt horribly guilty. He should of been there for Max. "Yes, I know Ben" she was saying.  
  
Wait a minute, Ben?  
  
Remember: Review review review!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	9. Brother Zack

Chapter9.......... Brother Zack  
  
A/N- Oh well, heres the next chapter. It's short I know, and I'm sorry. But I've been busy, busy watching a certain scene from HG over and over again) and tired. Oh yeah, and a short disclaimer; The song that was used in chapter 7 was 'Lines of my earth' by sixpence none the richer. Remember, review review.  
  
Ben? Could it be? Zack wanted to believe that his younger brother was with Max, in this room. And the three of them could stay the rest of the night in his tiny home talking, catching up. But Ben was dead, Max had seen his death. But Zack had died also, and they brought him back. He walked in the room and looked around. "Ben?" he said.  
  
Max stood up suddenly shocked, "Zack, I didn't see you there" she said.  
  
"What? Where, I-I thought, You were talking, and I heard you say Ben" Zack said. Ben wasn't there. Zack felt the little amount of joy he had let come up sink back down to the bottom of his stomach. "He's not here, is he?" Zack said.  
  
Max Looked down, "But Zack" she said, quietly, "He is" she finished in a whisper. If Zack hadn't been a transgenic, he probably wouldn't of even heard it.  
  
"Max, no" Zack said, "He's dead, you saw him die, remember?" Zack said. Max shook her head, her dark curls drifting across her face. In doing so, She exposed her neck for the first time to Zack. Zack saw the gold glimmer on her neck and knew instantly what it was.  
  
He remembered the last time he had seen Ben. Ben had been 17. FLASHBACK;  
  
Zack walked up to the small white house. It had a pale green trim. The house looked perfect. The lawn was green and there was a trail of tulips around a white picket fence. You didn't see many places like this since the pulse. This house was definitely maintained by a perfectionist. He reached out his fist and knocked on the pale green door.  
  
A tall male answered the door. His handsome face had boyish features that made him look younger then he was. He had changed since Zack had last seen him. He was taller and his hair was darker. His face, though boyish, had matured. His eyes had a glint in them. Something Zack hadn't recognized at the time. The young male stepped out and closed the door behind him. "Zack" he said.  
  
"Ben" Zack said back to him. Bens flawless face formed a smile. They always had had this ritual of greeting. Zack smiled right back. He hadn't seen his brother for a year, and it was nice to be in his presence again. "So, what's new, besides your foster home, honestly Ben. It gets harder and harder to find you every time you switch houses" Zack scolded him.  
  
"Oh come on now, in a couple of months I'll be eighteen and I'll live on my own" he said.  
  
"That's what I'm afraid of" Zack said.  
  
Ben played with the pendant on the chain around his neck. He looked up in the sky, his expression completely blank. After a moment he snapped out of it, and looked back at Zack, "Have you found Max yet?" he asked him, a hint of sadness in his voice. Zack shook his head. "That's okay" Ben said, "You will. And if you don't, then I will" he said. He smiled, "She's bound to show up sooner or latter."  
  
PRESENT;  
  
Zack reached out without thinking, and grabbed the chain around her neck, pulling the pendant out from under her shirt. "Zack" she protested.  
  
"What is this, was it Bens? where did you get it?" He held the pendant in his hand and stared, remembering his brother. The necklace was painful to see. "Give it to me" he demanded. He didn't feel right about someone wearing it.  
  
Max jumped back and held the necklace close to her, clutching it to her chest. "No, it's mine, you can't have it" she said.  
  
"Max give it to me" Zack demanded once again.  
  
Max shook her head, "No Zack, please. You don't understand. You saw Ben" she started to cry, "You saw him before, before he lost it. I didn't. The only time I got to see him since the escape, he was Crazy Zack. But you, you saw him when he was a teenager, when he was young beautiful, and he still was Ben. I didn't. But now I have him and I'm not letting him go, and I'm not letting you have my necklace!" she sobbed, "NEVER!" she yelled.  
  
She continued to move back until she hit his bed then fell back onto it. She scrambled back onto the bed, into the corner and brought her legs to her chest. She wrapped her arms around her legs and buried her face in her lap. "You can't have the necklace, and you can't have Ben" she cried. Her shoulders were shaking with her sobs.  
  
Zack walked over to Max and put a hand out on her shoulder. "Max, you can keep the necklace" he said to her. Max looked up at him. He wiped away some of her tears. She let him, which made Zack realize how much she had changed. His Max, the one he remembered, would not of done this. Something was wrong. "Max, Ben is dead. The Ben you see, he's not real" Zack said.  
  
Max looked at her brother. Zack looked down at her with concern in his eyes. Ben stood behind him. "He doesn't understand Max" Ben said to her.  
  
Max looked back at Zack, "No" she said. He's here, he really is. I can see him, I can feel him. I can smell him Zack, remember how he used to smell, of happiness, of of-"  
  
"NO MAX" He said loudly. "He's not here" he said slightly more quietly, "He's dead".  
  
She shook her head, "Zack, he can't be. I need him to be alive" she said. She couldn't let Zack take this from her. "Zack, you were supposed to help. You were supposed to make everything better. But you don't understand. I need Ben. I need him. If he's dead, if he's dead then it means that I, that I ki- NO!" she pushed him away and ran out of his house. She ran out to her bike and jumped on and drove away.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	10. chapter 10

Chapter 10...........  
  
Zack watched his baby sister ride off into the night. He was worried about her. She was crazy, just like Ben. Though she wasn't killing people. But Ben wasn't at first either. Ben. He missed his brother so much. He and Max had always been different to him. He had always loved them the most. Which is probably why he had developed these feelings for Max.  
  
Zack almost wished that they had never escaped. That he had never thought of it. They would be soldiers, and wouldn't be the happiest people that ever were, but they would be together. A team. A whole. Ben never would of died, and they wouldn't of lost anyone else be it for any reason. And Ben would of remained sane, and Max wouldn't of fallen down the same tack as Ben. Not to mention she wouldn't be pregnant by Ben's twin.  
  
Zack sat on his bed and remembered more of his last encounter with Ben. Flashback;  
  
"So, why don't cha show me around the new neborhood. Got any friends?" Zack asked him. He hoped he did, it was important for Ben to move on from manticore, like everyone else had. And Ben still wasn't moving on. But that would change, he would find Max, and the three off them could stay together.  
  
Ben shook his head, "I don't need any friends, I have you, and soon we'll have Max. And I'll always have the blue lady" Ben said.  
  
Zack looked down at his hands. The 'Blue lady'. Zack didn't think that Ben should still believe in that, after all that had happened to them. But what was the harm, if it made him feel safe. Zack decided to save the blue lady for another day. "Ben, you need friends." Zack scolded him.  
  
"How many friends do you have Zack?" Ben asked him.  
  
"That's different. I can't have friends, I'm to busy looking after all of you" he said.  
  
"Whatever" Ben said. "When you find Max, You'll tell me right? Where she is? How to find her? How she has changed? Because I need to know Zack. You won't let me see anyone else, but Zack, I NEED to see her. It's Maxie. My baby sister. I always had more in common with her then anyone else. You'll let me see her won't you? If you don't then I'll leave, and I'll find her any ways" Ben Pleaded with Zack.  
  
Of course I'll let you see her " Zack said. "I"ll find her and we can all move to Canada or something" Zack said. Ben nodded.  
  
Present;  
  
Zack choked back a small tear that threatened to fall. He remembered what had happened after he found Max. How telling Ben where she was had gotten him killed. Damn Manticore! Killing his brother because he wasn't perfect.  
  
FLASHBACK;  
  
Zack walked around the small abandoned building in Chicago. He saw Ben Sleeping on a small bed. "Ben" Zack said loudly. Ben sat up with a start. His eyes were almost un recognizable. The looked crazy. But Zack had been to excited to notice to much. "Ben I found her!" Zack said.  
  
Ben looked confused, "Found who" he said. His voice was almost cold. Lacking in Ben-ness. He stood up and pulled on his black jumper.  
  
"I found Max" Zack said.  
  
Bens expression changed slightly. He looked more like Ben for a second, "Where is she" Ben asked.  
  
Zack found himself reluctant to tell Ben. Ben had changed. He looked different, sounded different. He smelled different. He smelled of knowledge, of blood shed. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to see her" Zack said. He was now glad that Max had refused to come with him. His plan had been to surprise her with Ben, but he didn't think that this new Ben would be the best surprise. "She isn't safe" he was lying impart, Ben was the one that wasn't safe.  
  
"I don't care, tell me where she is" he demanded.  
  
"She's in Seattle, That's all I'm telling you. And I think it's a bad idea for you to go see her. Ben, she'll put you in danger. She's to wrapped up in this 'Eyes only' Guy to care that she herself is in danger." He was ready to beg Ben to stay.  
  
"You know I have to see her" Ben said. Zack nodded after a moment. "I just have a few things around here to wrap up, and then I'll go" he said.  
  
PRESENT;  
  
Zack walked over to the bigger house. He had to go after Max. He had left Ben out of fear. He had feared his little brother. If only he had stayed. If only he had gone to Seattle with Ben. But no. He tried to beat him there, which is when things really got complicated. When Brin called him. And then he had to save Max again, and then he had gotten captured by Manticore. He had never had the chance to tell Max. And by the time he got away from Manticore, He had actually forgotten. He couldn't remember at all. Until Max had told him how Ben had been in Seattle, and how he had been killing people, and how Manticore killed him.  
  
He want's going to give himself a chance to forget again. He was going after Max. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Max sped along on her motorcycle. She was going to Alecs new apartment, he had asked her to come see him when she got back. It began to rain. She went faster, but it was no use. The rain was coming down so hard that it only took about one minute for it to completely soak through her clothing.  
  
She didn't care that much though. It didn't bother her, it eased the pain a little. the pain of everything. Of Zack not understanding, of Ben. Of her pregnancy, of Logan, of Alec, of everything. Besides, she could now see Alecs new building. She pulled up alongside it, hopped off her motorcycle, and went into the building. She walked up the stairs, and found his apartment. She knocked on the door. It only took Alec a moment to answer the door.  
  
"Max" he said, "I wasn't expecting you back for a couple of days" he said, "Oh god, look at you your soaking wet, come in" he said. He stood back from the door and let her in. She walked in the apartment and looked around. It was smaller then his last place, but it was nicer. She took off her jacket, only to find that her shirt was just as wet. "Did everything go okay with Zack? He didn't go on a must-kill-Logan trip again?" Alec asked.  
  
Max shook her head, but didn't say anything She wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly finding it very cold. Alec noticed this and came over to her, "Max, your shaking" he said. He put his hands on her shoulders and rubbed her arms, trying to warm her up. Max looked up at the man with Bens face. He looked down at her, his eyes full of concern. She wrapped her arms around her neck, and buried her face in his chest. Alec wrapped his arms around her and slowly stroked her back. "Max, let's get you into some dry clothes" Alec said.  
  
Max let him lead her into his room. He went over to his dresser and pulled out a gray sweat suit. "Here" he said handing it to her, "It will be way to big for you, but at least you wont be cold." He smiled at her.  
  
She kin of smiled back, but didn't really move. She just stood there with a blank expression on her face. She was stroking the pendant on her neck, looking off into the distance at something only she could see. Her eyes were glazed over a little. After a moment she looked back at Alec, "this necklace was Ben's" she said after a moment. Alec didn't know how to respond. "It's not wrong is it? For me to wear it, for me to want him back? there nothing wrong in that, right?" she asked. A small tear was in the corner of her eye, waiting to fall.  
  
"No, of course you want him back, he was your brother, well kind of, let's just say he was like a brother" Alec said. He couldn't think of Max as Bens sister. Ben was his blood brother.  
  
"So if I had him back, and didn't want to let him go, that would be okay also, right?" she asked.  
  
Alec didn't know how to answer this. He didn't even understand the question. "Max, Ben is dead. He's not coming back. But maybe, IF it did happen, and it was like with Zack or something, then Of course you wouldn't want to loose him again." Alec hoped that that was a good enough answer for her. He still didn't get the question. Max knew that Ben was dead. He didn't even understand why she was asking him of all people something like this.  
  
Max nodded. She put the gray sweat suit down on his bed, and pulled her shirt over her head. She was wearing a tank top underneath it, but it still made Alec feel uncomfortable. He turned to leave, but she stopped him. She grabbed his and hand put it on her stomach. "Does it make you un happy? me being pregnant?" she asked  
  
Alec shook his head, "It doesn't matter how I feel, it's your body that the child is growing in" he said. She was acting really weird this evening, with her questions. But the truth was, it really didn't make him un happy at all.  
  
"It does matter" Max said, "This baby is yours to, and I don't want you to hate it" Max said. Her eyes were more solid now, looking directly at him.  
  
"No Max, it doesn't make me un happy. And I could never hate it. It's a little bit of you, and a little bit of me, all musshed together. And you know it's going to be beautiful, because, I mean, just look at us. And it will be ours, I could never hat anything that came from you Max" he said.  
  
Max looked up at him, "It wont be normal" she said, "It will be like us, Like Tingas boy, but worse, because it will come from two transgenics, not just one." she looked down for a moment, a tearful memory on her mind. "Damn it Alec!" she said loudly, "This is just what they wanted. Manticore. It's been over ten years since the escape, and they're still ruining my life" she said. She moved away from him. "Alec, what if there still out there, and they moved the operation. What if they'll find the baby and take it away from us, Or what if White and his little breeding cult kill it. "Alec, I cant loose it" she said, already attached to the life growing inside of her.  
  
"Max, no one is going to hurt this baby. got that? no one. If they look for us we'll run. In fact, we should go now Max. Well, not right now. But soon, before it's to late. We can leave the country, and we'll go some where where there's no Manticore, and no crazy breeding cult. Or if there is, it won't matter because we won't know and we can be naive, like everyone who is normal. And we can be normal. We'll buy some stupid little house and have a normal family" Alec said. She was right, if any of their enemies found out, they would be looked for.  
  
"Alec no" she said. "I can't leave Logan, and I can't leave OC or Sketchy. This is my home. I can't leave." she said. She began to cry, "When Manticore was destroyed, this, all of this, was supposed to end. But it didn't. It never ends." she said.  
  
Alec nodded in understanding. "We can't stay Max" he said. He knew it was true, and he knew that she knew it also.  
  
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A/N- And here's chapter ten. I hope you like it. It might take me a little while to get the next chapter up, but many reviews could urge me to hurry. But, I'm not quite sure what will happen next, so any input would be gratefully appreciated.  
  
  
  
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	11. Exit Logan

Chapter 11.........Exit Logan  
  
"Alec no, I'm not leaveing" Max said. She shook her head, "What you think that just because I'm pregnant, that I'm now suddenly deeply in love with you? that we'll what, get married? Buy a house? have a little dog running around? I don't think so. Alec, I still love Logan. And I still have friends here that I don't want to leave. And I still have to take care of Joshua." She said.  
  
Alec clenched his jaw again. "Max, what happens when Logan finds out your pregnant? What then. You may still love him, but will he still love you?" Alec questioned. Max looked away. "And If it's Joshua your worried about, I'm sure we can find a way to bring him with us. But Max, we can Not stay. It just isn't safe." Alec said. He had to make her see that she couldn't stay here.  
  
"What about my brothers and sisters? I'll never see any of them again if I leave" she said. "They all still think I'm dead" she moved away from Alec and walked over to look out the window at the broken city.  
  
Alec went over to Max and put a hand on her shoulder, he opened his mouth to say something, but she stopped him. "Do you really think that that's true, that he'll find out I'm pregnant and not love me anymore?" she asked him.  
  
Alec didn't know what to say. The truth was he didn't think that Logan would stop loving her. But with Logan here, then Max would never leave. "I don't know" Alec said. "But I do know that we Cant stay here. Not if we ever want anything approaching a normal life." he said.  
  
"But Alec, we're not normal. We'll never have a normal life. Never" she said.  
  
"But Max, that doesn't mean we can't try" Alec said. For a moment Max's expression changed. He knew he had her. just a few more words, a sincere look, and she was his. "Max common, how are you supposed to fight white if your pregnant?" Her face turned down a little, "How are you supposed to run assignments for Logan?"  
  
Oops, wrong words. At the mention of Logans face Max broke into tears. "Logan" she whispered. "Alec, I-I can't, I can't leave everyone, And I, I can't" she said.  
  
She was standing there, wet, shaking with the cold, and her sobs. She looked so small in her tiny tank top, and brown corduroy pants. He couldn't stand to see her like that. He wrapped his arms around her, resting his head on hers, breathing in the fresh scent of her rain soaked hair. She buried her head in his neck, and they stood there, taking in each others warmth. "Max, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got you pregnant, I'm sorry I've put you in this position, I'm sorry for being a jerk all the time, I'm sorry for everything. But please Max, just please tell me you'll think about it" he begged her.  
  
She nodded into his shoulder and Alec took that as a yes. He held her for a moment longer before pulling back. He looked down at her, her sobs had lessened, but she was still shaking with cold. I'll leave you to change? he said, and stepped out of the room. He walked over and sat on the couch, waiting for her to come out.  
  
After about ten minutes Alec got tired of waiting, and was wondering what was taking her so long. He got up and knocked on the door to his room, "Max" he said softly, no answer. He opened the door and looked in, she was sleeping on his bed, her hair falling over her face. She looked like a little girl, wrapped in his gray sweat suit, wet curls, that were barely curly anymore, covering her eyes, and mouth.  
  
Alec walked over and sat on the bed. He reached out a slightly shaky hand, and brushed the hair out of her face. He leaned down and brushed his full lips across her cheek. He stood up and took of his shirt and pants, he pulled on a pair of blue sweat pants. He laid down on the bed next to her, and pulled the blankets up over them. He wrapped an arm over her, and in her sleep, she snuggled back against his warm body. He sighed and nuzzled her neck a little, "Good night Max" he whispered to her sleeping form. He turned off the lamp on the night stand, and closed his eyes. He placed a possessive hand on her stomach, and drifted off into a peaceful sleep, pretending that they were normal. And that when they woke up, a news paper would be on their perfect porch, and a golden dog would be sleeping at their feet.  
  
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Max woke up feeling warm and safe. She opened her eyes, to look strait up at Alecs face. He looked completely at peace in slumber. She was on her side, and so was he, his arms were wrapped around her. She couldn't help but wonder if it would really be that bad to wake up like this every morning. She reached a hand out and stroked his face. His skin was soft like a child's. She ran her fingers over the perfect smoothness of his full lips. She moved her arm back down under his arm, and placed it on the back of his bare shoulder. She pulled herself closer to him, not wanting the moment to end.  
  
Could she do it Could she leave everything she knew? Zack, Cindy, her job, crash, Logan? Logan. She had to tell Logan. She could never be with Logan now. Not with the way fait was trying so hard to keep them apart. Her stomach felt heavy with the knowledge. She loved Logan, she knew she did, but she couldn't stay here with him. It wouldn't be fair to Logan, It wouldn't be fair to Alec, and it wouldn't be fair to herself.  
  
She rested her head on Alecs chest, refusing to cry, and to ruin this moment. After a little while, Alec began to stir. Max pulled back and looked at him. His Blue eyes shined with a glint of green, "Morning" she said softly.  
  
"Morning" he said back. She moved up to him and kissed his lips lightly. Just barely brushing them with her own. When she pulled back, he smiled at her. She smiled back at him. Their moment of peace was interrupted by a knock at the door.  
  
Alec groaned, but got out of bed any ways and went to answer the door. Max quickly got out of bed and followed him. They got to the door and Alec began to unlock the many locks. Max lifted her arms high up above her head stretching and yawning, a movement that much resembled a cats. Alec couldn't help but smile at her. He tried to focus on the locks, and not the exposed skin of her stomach. He opened the door, and they were both shocked to see Logan.  
  
"Logan" Max said, "This isn't what it looks like. I came by last night to talk to Alec, and I got wet in the rain, so he let me borrow some clothes. I was really tired and I fell asleep on the couch, and I just woke up, so hi" Max lied through her teeth. She felt bad about it, but she just wasn't ready to tell Logan. She wasn't ready to give him up yet.  
  
"Ah.....Hi" Logan said after an okward moment. Alec was standing next to him. Smiling. Max wanted to kill him, How could he smile at a time like this? He always smile at times like this Max thought to herself. "Well, It just makes it easier, you being here" Logan said. Max was surprised at this, "I have a mission for you two, I tried to page you Max, but you weren't answering" he told them.  
  
Max looked down at her feet, "Um, about that, Logan don't get mad, But I think I may of lost my Pager" she admitted. She hadn't lost it. She knew exactly where it was. It as siting on the small night stand next to Zacks bed.  
  
As if on cue, Zack turned the corner down the hall and appeared in Alecs doorway, behind Max, "Hey Max, you left your pager" he said holding up the small Black item. "It went off like twenty times in the last hour" he said.  
  
Logan let out a very unmanly yelp, and practically hid behind Alec. The three X5s all broke into laughter. "It's okay Logan, he's better, he's not going to kill you" Max said.  
  
"I would completely rule that idea out" Zack said. Max glared at him. Zack returned the glare, raising an eyebrow. Alec smiled. At this moment, they were acting exactly like siblings.  
  
He stepped between them, breaking off the starring contest, "Children children" he said with his cocky grin, "Can we please stop this child's play, and get back to business? Now, Logan, I believe you were coming up with another way for me and Max to get ourselves killed?" Alec said sweetly turning to Logan.  
  
Three glares met him. Logan, not being an X5, was the first to let off. "Okay, back to business" Zack and Max and Alec focused their attention back onto Logan. "A source of mine has notified me of a warehouse right on the border of Washington, leading into Canada. It's located in some woods, that aren't used for anything. This warehouse contains files from Manticore. It could have useful information" he told them. They all nodded at the same time. "Any ways, if we could get these files, it could answer allot of questions. Destroying the warehouse would prevent them from ever creating a new Manticore. At least not for a very long time. It wont be east though. You'll have to be up there for a few days, scope out the scene. I have blue prints, but I don't know how it's guarded. I assume that the area will be covered with guards however."  
  
Max, Alec, and, Zack all exchanged looks. They wanted this mission. "It will require allot of physical activity, you'll need to take out guards, climb through vents, run, all those other things your all so good at. It will be extremely dangerous. These guards could Be X5s, or X whatevers And even if their not, it will still be well trained soldiers, they'll be able to return blows strongly"  
  
Both Zack and Alec both looked up and said, "No!" at the same time. Max stared down at her feet. "I'll go, Zack can come, but Max stays" Alec said. Zack nodded.  
  
"I think that Max being there would help, I mean, the more of you there are, the better" Logan said.  
  
Max shook her head, "No Logan I can't go. I can't risk it" she said. She still kept her head down and refused to look up. Zack and Alec both moved close to her, as if to protect her from some unknown beastie.  
  
"Max, you've taken risks before, why is it such a big deal now?" Logan asked. He wasn't trying to get to her. He just wanted to know why everyone was acting so strange now.  
  
"NO" Zack said, "she's not coming. She's going to stay here, tuck herself in her warm little bed and sleep. Me and Alec can take care of it" Zack said.  
  
"But Max can-" Logan started before he was stopped.  
  
"NO" Alec interrupted him. Alec and Zack were both standing in front of Max, making it so Logan couldn't even see her anymore. "She's staying, I'm not letting her put herself at risk like that. Not while she's- NO, it's not happening." He practically growled at Logan.  
  
"Why are you all acting so strange?" Logan asked. "Things like this come up all the time, and you all just do it. Max is always in danger, why is it suddenly so different?".  
  
"Because I'm pregnant" Max said quietly. Her voice came out in a whisper, scratchy and scared. But everyone in the room heard it. Max pushed Zack and Alec out of the way, and finally looked up at Logan, "I'm pregnant" she said louder and clearer.  
  
Logans face held a pained expression. "What?" he asked.  
  
Max's heart filled with pain. She had wanted to put this moment off. She had wanted them to be alone. She had wanted to wake up one morning and find that she was no longer pregnant, that the virus was gone, and that everything in life was good. "Logan, can we go somewhere and talk?" she asked. He nodded, walking out the door, motioning for her to follow him.  
  
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"So" Alec said clapping his hands together. now, out of the presence of Max and Logan, he simply felt uncomfortable around Zack, "Nice seeing you again" he said trying to end the silence.  
  
Zack turned around to face Alec. His normally light blue eyes had gone dark. "So, Alec, your the boy who knocked up my baby sister" he said in an almost growl.  
  
"Oh no, your one of those types of brothers." Alec said. "Of course last time I saw you, you weren't acting very brotherly towards her" He pointed out.  
  
"That's none of your business. Besides, she's always going to be my baby sister in a way" he explained. "And I'd hate to see some punk like you screw up her life. I guess I'm to late to stop that though" he said. Alec couldn't help but shrink a little under Zacks gaze. He took a small step back. "You think that you can just carry her off on some grand white pony? Everything will be okay? Well Alec, let me tell you something. She's not in good health right not. It pains me to say it, but she's crazy" Zack said. Alec stared at him, his mouth opened in a 'o'. "She thinks that Ben is here, she thinks she has her brother back. And you all here are apparently just to stupid to see that" Zack said.  
  
Alec shook his head. He had known. How could he of just forgotten like that? He had seen her cry in a ball, she had called him Ben. She talked to herself, and she always seemed to be looking at something that only she could see. It all made sense now, how could he of been so stupid. "What do you want me to do?" Alec asked, "We can't stay here, it's too dangerous. And I can't just take her into a mental hospital and be all like, "Hey, here my pregnant girl friend. By the way, she happens to of gone insane. It's not her fault really. You see she's a genetically engineered super human, made to be a soldier. Insanity seems to run in her family, because the guy she always thought of her brother went insane, from the whole solider training thing. In the end she was forced to kill him, and she just lost it, she's now unable to accept that he is dead, and thinks he's taking care of her. Well, she's in good hands here, I'll come back to check on her latter. By the way, if she happens to have seizures, just give her some milk. Bye now" Alec waved his hand in the air.  
  
He didn't notice the change that came across Zacks face. "Max killed Ben?" he said, "No, she said that it was people from Manticore, that she couldn't stop them. She would never kill Ben. He was her big brother, she loved him. And he loved her. All he ever talked about was finding her. She wouldn't kill Ben" Zack told Alec.  
  
"Well, Ben was killing people. Innocent people. She went to stop him, and broke his leg. Manticore people were on their way, and Ben begged her to kill him. He didn't want to go back there. So she did." Alec explained.  
  
Zack still continued to deny the truth, "NO! Your a lier, you don't know what you're talking about. You don't know how the three of us were. She would tell me." Zack basically yelled at him.  
  
"Your so Blind" Alec yelled back at Zack, "Why do you think she's lost it like this. If Ben was still alive, then it would mean that she didn't kill him. She could feel free of all the guilt that's been building up. And of course she wouldn't tell you. the three of you were closest right? So how could she tell you that she killed your favorite brother?" Alec spat the word out at him.  
  
Zack looked down at the floor. He didn't know what to say. How could he of let all this happened. The day they all escaped, Zack had taken on responsibility for them all. And look what had happened. Ben had died at the hands of his little sister. His little sister who loved him more then anything. Max was now pregnant, by Bens twin. And, not to mention, she was insane. "Well" Zack said after a few moments, "Your right, you have to get her out of here" Zack new that Alec was right about that. "But, I'm coming with you. Only for a little while. Just so I can make sure she's okay, then I'll come back here, and catch up with all my other Manticore siblings. But, Alec, we have to go soon. I say we do this job for Logan, and leave" Zack said.  
  
Alec nodded, "Sounds like a plan, but there is one little problem. How are we supposed to convince Max into letting this all happen?" Alec asked. "I mean, Max is no push over, she already made it clear to me that she didn't want to go".  
  
"Leave that to me" Zack said. Then he took a very firm step towards Alec, and grabbed his arm, "But, if you ever EVER hurt my baby sister I will kill you. I'm not just saying that either. I will hunt you down, tie you up, and slowly torture you until you die. She is NOT going to be some conquest of yours" Zack threatened him.  
  
Alec nodded, "I would never do anything to hurt Max" he said. Zack glared at him for a moment longer, then released his arm. He went to the fridge and began to look for something to eat.  
  
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"So" Max said clapping her hands together.  
  
"So" Logan said angry, "Whose the father?" He asked.  
  
Max looked down, really not wanting to answer that question, but knowing she had to, "Alec" she said quietly, "But Logan, I didn't-"  
  
"No Max, I don't want to here this. I mean how long has this been going on? What, you guys just go get together after seeing me and go 'Oh that Logan, he's so clueless, always following m around, making little moon eyes, it's so pathetic'" Logan couldn't even look at her, he was to hurt. "I loved you Max, I LOVED you, and you just do this? Max if you didn't feel the same way, you should of just told me. Not let me make such a fool of myself" He yelled at her.  
  
"Logan no" she said shaking her head. She was crying now, she couldn't stand to have him think like that, "I do love you, I DO" she went up to him, as close as she dared with the virus, "but it is just so hard to be near you, and not to be able to touch you. It's driving me crazy. And what happened with Alec, was just one big BIG mistake. But Logan, now, now it's grown into something more. And as much as I love you, I have to make the right decision here. For me and the baby" she told him.  
  
He looked up at her, the tears running down her face made her look about ten years younger then she was. he reached out a hand to brush them away, but stopped, remembering the virus. "See Logan? Do you see what I'm saying? And I know you don't want to hear this, and I really don't want to say it. But, Alec, he cares about me, it may be hard to believe, but I know he does. And I care about him. And we're going to have a baby together. Logan, this may be the one chance I have at anything approaching a normal life. And He can protect me when I can't protect myself. And Logan, I can't stay here, I can't. It's to dangerous now. We're going to leave. I'm not saying that we're not coming back, but, I am saying that we can't stay here" She told him. He stepped back buried her face in her hands. "Logan, I wish that it could be different. I wish that I could touch you, and that I never slept with Alec. But I can't touch you. And I did sleep with Alec, and now, I have this whole new life to take care of. And I really think that I could be happy with him" she said.  
  
Logan nodded. She was right. She really was, and he knew it. Maybe in a different life they could be together. Maybe in a different life they were. But this life wasn't for them. "Just promise me that I'll see you again" Logan said.  
  
Max nodded, "You will" She said. Logan turned and left the building, and Max turned and walked back to Alecs room. She walked away from her old life, and walked into a new one.  
  
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A/N-Well, this chapter took me a while to write, but it's long so hopefully that will make up for it. I tried to end Max and Logans relationship on a somewhat good note, because I kind of like Logan, and if it weren't for Alec, I'd probably want them to be together. Any ways, I couldn't stand the thought of having Logan be some jerk or something, and I didn't want Max to be all, "I'm with Alec now you Fu** off. Ya know? Any ways, I hope you enjoy this chapter, Logan probably won't be in it much more.  
  
  
  
  
  
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	12. And now what?

Chapter 12................And now what?  
  
A/N-Okay, well, somebody left me a review that really upset me. It wasn't that it was a bad review. I don't mind constructive criticism, I appreciate it in fact. But I do not appreciate flaming. It is just rude. I right this story for people to read and enjoy. If you don't enjoy it, then please leave me a review, or an e-mail telling me why. But try to do it in a nice way please. And another thing, if you are a Max/Logan shipper, why are you reading this fanfic? It clearly stated in the summery that it was a Max/Alec. And if you are a Max/Logan shipper, then you most likely wont enjoy it, though if you do, that's great. I guess what I'm trying to say is, why the hell would anyone read a fic that they knew that they wouldn't enjoy, and then right a rude review telling them they were stupid? That type of person just enjoys causing other people pain, that's all I can conclude from it. And one more thing, Alec is so NOT ugly. Thank you. And please enjoy this next chapter:)  
  
  
  
Max opened the door to Alecs apartment and walked in. They were talking about her, Zack and Alec, Max could tell. They both got really quiet when she entered, and Alec completely gave it away. Zack kept his cool, but Alec was scratching the back of his neck. She had caught on that he always did that when he was nervous, or something like that. He could never keep his hands still. "I'll go with you" she said softly, looking at the floor.  
  
It took Alec a moment to catch on to what she was saying, but Zack got it right away. "Good" he said. "I'm coming with you, just to get you settled, make sure you're okay" he didn't want to say anything about making sure she got over her Ben thing. He didn't want her to run again.  
  
Alec walked over to her, "We're going to do the assignment for Logan, and then we'll leave. As soon as possible." Alec said. "Have you thought about where you want to go? I figured that Logan, if he doesn't completely hate us, could get us new identities or something. That's his thing right? he's good at that".  
  
"He'll do it" Max said. She didn't want to think about Logan at the moment. She knew that if she did, she would just lay down and die somewhere. But the feeling would pass eventually. It had to. "I don't care where we go, as long as it's far far away, and as long as you promise we'll come back some day" she said.  
  
Alec nodded. Max went into the kitchen, she was going to cook. She could become some stupid little house wife or something. Not really her ideal life, but she thought that maybe if she just kept on moving, and doing things, then she would be okay. "What do you want for breakfast?" she asked Zack and Alec.  
  
Zack and Alec stepped back in aww, "who are you, and what have you done with my sister?" Zack said.  
  
"Oh my, two miracles in one day, Max offers to cook, and Zack makes a joke" Alec said.  
  
They both glared at them. "Is he always this annoying?" Zack asked motioning to Alec.  
  
"Pretty much" Max said glaring at Alec. Her heart wasn't in the stare though, and after a moment her attractive features softened. "Now, I just figured, I need to cook or something. You Alec, eat horribly, when was the last time you ate something green, And I don't mean any form of candy" Alec said nothing, "And Zack, your used to home cooked meals, wouldn't want to make you all uncomfortable here with us, since your going out of your way for my well being" she said. She had pretty much blocked out the memory of her argument with Zack, not wanting to spoil his presence, and not wanting to give up Ben yet, who she hadn't seen for a while. She looked around for a moment, to see if he was anywhere near.  
  
"Looking for something?" Alec asked her. She ignored him. After a moment he went on, "how about pancakes, do you know how to make pancakes? I think I have pancake mix. I was dating this girl for a while who made panca- " He stopped talking when He saw that Max was glaring at him. but she searched in the cabinets for the mix any ways. "So, how about Australia?" Alec said.  
  
"Um..... I don't think so, it gets so hot there" she said. She preferred weather on the colder side.  
  
"South America?" Zack suggested. Max shook her head, it was too close.  
  
"Maybe We could go to Ireland, I've always wanted to go there, I don't know why" she said.  
  
"That's fine with me" Alec said. Zack nodded in agreement. I'll talk to Logan about new identities and stuff. Getting ids etc..." Max looked at him. "On second thought, maybe you should do that Zack. I don't think I'm Logans favorite person right now" He said.  
  
"That's a good idea, now let's stop talking about Logan" Max said. She thought she should go to her house and pack. She wanted to get out of the apartment as soon as possible. She didn't want to stay in that dark dank hole. She didn't want to wake up cold and alone. She wanted to stay here with Alec. But she didn't really even want to go back to pack. She wanted to say good bye to OC and all, but she didn't want to go to her apartment. She didn't really know why, she just didn't want to. "Zack, could you do me a big huge favor?" she sweetly asked Zack with her best smile.  
  
"Depends on what it is" Zack said, but his face softened as it always did at Max's face. And she knew he would do anything she asked of him at the moment.  
  
"Can you go to my apartment, ask OC to pack for me, and then have her bring my stuff over here?" she asked Zack. She didn't bother to ask Alec if it was okay for her to move in with him. She knew it would be.  
  
Zack nodded, but he still asked, "Are you sure you wouldn't rather do it yourself?"  
  
Max nodded, "I'm sure" she said. Zack nodded and left. Max got down some bowels and took some milk out of the fridge. She said nothing to Alec, she simply read the directions on the pancake mix.  
  
After a couple of minutes, Alec got tired of the silence. Max looked depressed making pancakes for him. And if there was one thing he couldn't stand, it was a depressed woman making pancakes. Especially if that woman was Max. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "You look unhappy Max" he said softly into her ear. She leaned back into him and rested her hands on top of his. "Max, are you sure your not going to regret this?" he asked her.  
  
Max looked at him and smiled. "Oh I'll regret it all right. At least five minutes of every day. But the other twenty three hours and fifty five minutes, you can spend making it up to me" she said.  
  
"Oh no" Alec said, "I think I might regret this" he whispered into her ear. She slapped his hands and turned around in his arms. She stared up at him, still looking sad. "Are we going to be okay Max" he asked, "Really, I mean, do you really think that the two of us are fit to raise a child. And are we really going to be able to tolerate each other?".  
  
Max shook her head and rested it on his chest, "I don't know" she said quietly, "But I hope so". She went up on her tip toes and kissed his cheek, she then turned around and continued to make the pancakes.  
  
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Max was sitting at the table picking at a peanut butter sandwich when OC and Zack finally got to Alecs apartment. OC was carrying two medium sized bags of stuff, and Zack had one large suit case and one small one. He tossed the small one her way, "Max, it's not practical to travel with all this stuff, I tried to tell Cindy over here but she wouldn't listen" Zack complained.  
  
"My Boos gotta have her things" OC said. She set the medium bags down. "The big one has your clothes in it. One of the medium has coats and shoes. The other, has personal items I thought you would want to bring, and the small has tooth brush hair stuff etc..." Cindy said.  
  
Max nodded, "Thanks" she said. "I'll try to thin things out Zack" she told him. She grabbed the large suite case, and went into Alecs room to change. She was getting tired of the sweat suit, it was way to big. The sleeves of the sweatshirt kept on falling over her hands, and she was constantly have to pull up the sweat pants. She went through some of her clothes and decided that a simple white T-shirt and jeans would be fine. She changed and went back into the living room.  
  
Zack was sitting on the couch with OC, they were watching some music video channel. Max wasn't to interested in tv, it was so dull to her. "Where's your boy?" OC asked.  
  
Max was about to say that Alec wasn't her boy, but she thought about it, and he kind of was now. "He's taking a shower" Max said.  
  
Right after the words left her lips, Alec walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. "Hey look, we have company" Alec said. Max looked at him. His body was wet, which was a very good look for him. His hair was messed up on his head, Max suddenly had an urge to go over to him and fix his hair, comb it down with her hands.  
  
She shrugged thinking why not and went over and did just that. It was, after all, okay to do things like that now. He looked down at her and smiled. She smiled right back, and gave his chest a quick pat, "Go get dressed" she said. He nodded and went into his room.  
  
Max went over to the couch and sat between Zack and OC. She rested her head on the shoulder of her big brother. His shoulder was stiff and buff. Not like the softer shoulder of Ben. Ben She looked around the room for him again. She still hadn't seen him. She was getting worried. But then there he was, in the corner, looking at her, smiling. She rested her head back on Zacks shoulder.  
  
Alec came out again and sat between Max and OC. Max noticed that Oc was glaring at him. "Did you talk to Logan yet?" Alec asked Zack, shifting uncomfortable under OCs glare.  
  
Zack nodded. Logans getting papers etc. ready for us. He's also looking for places in Ireland for us to live in, that are some what cut off. Nothing with a lot of people around you know?" Alec nodded. "And we're going to go up to this Manticore warehouse place tomorrow".  
  
Max lifted her head up at this, "your leaving me?" she asked sadly. She didn't want to be left alone.  
  
"You'll have me" Ben said from his place in the corner. Max smiled at him.  
  
"I'm gonna stay here with you Boo" Oc said. Max smiled at her. Oc smiled back but it was forced. She was staying here to watch her and she knew it. Zack had filled her in on Max's hallucinations. "It' will give us some time before you go off over seas. We can go to crash and all, you can say good bye to every one" OC said. "Which brings me to a point, how are you all gonna get money?" OC asked.  
  
"Well, I have some money, lot's of money actually, and I have no intention of telling you how I got it" Alec said. "And, we get our paychecks tomorrow. Logan can get us the plane tickets. Zack has some cash stashed away. I have a few things I can fence, And Max can sell her bike" Alec said.  
  
"What?" Max said sitting strait up, "No, absolutely not, I'm not selling my baby" Max said.  
  
"Max come on, I'm selling my car, and it's not like you can bring it with us" Alec said.  
  
"Fine!" Max said glaring at him, "Want me to cut off all my hair and sell it while we're at it?" She asked angrily, "Or maybe I can sell my teeth, or some vital organ? Huh Alec? Huh?" She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him.  
  
"Oh Max, you're completely over reacting to all of this. It's just a motorcycle, we can get you a new one" Alec said.  
  
"Whatever" Max said. She sat down on a chair and sulked for a minute, but then thought about something and stood up quickly. "Alec, what are we going to do about Joshua?" Max asked quietly. Shed didn't want to leave him, but there was no safe way to bring him with them.  
  
"Original Cindy can take care of Joshua, and Logan can help" OC said. Alec nodded as if to say 'good idea'.  
  
Max wasn't to sure though. She really didn't want to leave him. She wasn't sure that anyone else was fit to take care of him. But there was no other option. She hated that fact, but she new that it was the truth. She nodded silently and walked over to the couch and sat in silence, looking right ahead of her, at nothing.  
  
Alec motioned for Zack and OC to come close so he could talk to them. "Hey, I don't think Max really wants company right now" Alec said. "I think she's tired or something".  
  
"Max Tired? she never gets tired" Zack said. Alec shrugged. "Okay, I'll leave. But, I'm coming back, I got no place else to stay" he said.  
  
OC nodded. They went over to Max and said good bye. She smiled at them both and they left. Alec walked over and sat next to Max on the couch. Se laid down resting her head in his lap. He combed the hair back from her face, and tucked it behind her ears. And so they sat there for a while, Max closing her eyes in peace, though not sleeping, with Alec stroking her hair. Alec also sat in perfect peace, thinking about their lives. He didn't know how things would turn out for them. He was really quite worried about it actually. But if they had moments like this, even if they were few, it would all be worth it.  
  
She looked up at him, smiling softly at him. She reached a hand up and stroked his cheek a little, before resting her hand on his chest. "Thank you" she said softly"  
  
"Thanks for what?" Alec said.  
  
"For everything" she said. "For being here for me when I need you. For letting me lye in your lap like we're kids again, Thank you" she said.  
  
'Like we're kids again?' Alec didn't understand that remark. Not at first. But then realization struck him down. He had been hopping that she was better. It was stupid of him, but still. She had been acting some what normal, except for the cooking, and the silence, and the letting people do things for her. But she hadn't been talking to herself, or calling him Ben, until now. Though she had been looking around the room allot. "Max" he said softly.  
  
"Yes Ben?" she said sweetly.  
  
That confirmed it. Here he was sitting here thinking about how great this moment was. How wonderful it was. And she thought he was someone else completely. He wanted to jump up. He wanted to leave her there. He felt horrible and like a moron. But she was looking up at him, smiling. And he couldn't just leave her. She looked so young and innocent. Why did he have to have Ben's face? Why couldn't she of Met him first? Why couldn't she ever look at him with out seeing her dead brother? Why did she have to go crazy now? When he needed her. When it was important for her to be both mentally and physically healthy. "I'm not Ben, I'm Alec" he said softly. He tried to keep his voice kind, not letting the pain of her mistake show.  
  
She quickly sat up, "Alec I'm.. I'm sorry. It's just, sometimes when I was little, and I couldn't sleep, or I was having seizures or even if I had just had a really bad day, I would lay my head in his lap and he would stroke my hair back" She explained, "And when I looked at you just now, you just look so much like him, and-and" she stopped talking and looked away from him.  
  
Alec reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, "Max it's okay" he said. But it wasn't okay. She thought that he was Ben. He was the father of her child, and she couldn't see him as anything but her dead brother. How were they ever supposed to be okay. But, he still loved her. He had never told her so, but he did. And it tore him up not only to be seen as Ben, but to see Max in this state. She was obviously in pain. That was why she had lost it. She couldn't deal with the idea of being responsible for the death of her favorite brother. And looking at her right now, all he wanted to do was wrap her in his arms and be Ben. So she didn't kill him. So she could be at peace. If he could be Ben for her, then she would be happy. But he wasn't Ben, and he couldn't be Ben. And they were in trouble.  
  
"Alec, I'm sorry" Max said. He couldn't see her face, she was looking away, and her brown curls formed a curtain over her face. "You've been so good to me, and here I am, thinking your Ben, it's so, I'm sorry" she said again.  
  
"Shhh, Max, it's okay" he repeated. He pulled her over to him, so that her was sitting with his legs stretched out in front of him on the couch, and Max on his lap, curled up with her body pulled against his chest. "Everything is okay" he said it for himself as much as he said it for her. After a few minutes of lying like that, Max's breathing began to slow, and Alec assumed she was asleep. He closed his eyes and tried to revel in this moment. But it was hard. He couldn't shake away the idea that she could be thinking he was Ben again. But he did fall asleep after a while, though it wasn't the most peaceful sleep.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	13. At Alecs place

Chapter 13...............At Alecs place  
  
Zack walked into the apartment, and was surprised to find the sound of silence. He walked over to the couch, to Find Max curled up against Alec on the couch. Zack felt a small stab of pain in his heart at the sight of Max curled up with someone who looked so much like Ben. He reached out and brushed the hair out of her forehead, "Max" he said quietly.  
  
Her dark brown eyes snapped open. She shifted in her position, waking Alec up in the process. They sat up together, Max still in Alecs lap. "What time is it" Max asked noticing the room had grown darker.  
  
Zack looked down at his watch, "It's about 8:30" He told her.  
  
Max shook her head. It used to be she would hardly ever sleep, but now it seemed she was always tired. Maybe it was some effect from being pregnant or something. She really didn't know, she didn't know much about all this pregnancy stuff. "Maybe I should get one of those baby book things, you know with those corny titles like 'The miracle of pregnancy' something like that" she said. She looked over at Alec, "I don't suppose you know anything about pregnancy" she said to him.  
  
Alec shook his head, "I don't know any more then you do" Alec said. I'll pick one up a book tomorrow for you" he told her. She smiled at him. "Maybe I should get one of those 'how to be a daddy' kind of thing" he said.  
  
"That would be smart" Max said. Then she looked off into space. She couldn't believe she was having a discussion with Alec over baby books. "I'm hungry" she said. She hadn't really eaten much of her sandwich at lunch, and she was really hungry now. And she was still tired. "How about, since I made you breakfast, you make me dinner" she suggested to Alec.  
  
"I guess that's fair" Alec said. He moved Max off his lap, stood up and picked up the phone. He then picked up the phone. and ordered a pizza. He walked back over to the couch and plopped back down next Max on the couch, "wow. I really should give you more credit for cooking, that's hard work" he said.  
  
Max glared at him. She stood up and stretched her arms above her head letting out a cat like yawn. "I'm gonna go shower" she said to Zack and Alec, and she disappeared into the bathroom.  
  
"Hey Zack buddy, can you get me a beer?" Alec asked Zack. Zack nodded and went over to the fridge. He grabbed one for Alec, and one for himself. He went back to the couch and sat down next to Alec, handing him his beer.  
  
"So how is she?" Zack asked him. He was worried about Max. she just wasn't acting like herself. He kept thinking that she would snap out f it, but she hadn't.  
  
"She thought I was Ben" Alec said, lifting up is bottle of beer and looking at it. "I sat next to her and she laid her head in my lap. Next thing I know, boom, she thinks I'm Ben" he took a long drink from his bottle. "I love her, I really do, but it's so hard to have her seeing me as him".  
  
"I don't know what to do" Zack said. "How am I supposed to make this better. They've all had problems, I've almost always known how to fix them. But how am I supposed to fix this? I couldn't fix Ben" he said. They sat in silence, waiting for the answers to come to them. After a few minutes he turned the tv on, to break the sound of silence. There was some strange show on. It was about this girl who was born with out the ability to fear things. So she went around doing all these reckless things. And there was this guy who was in love with her, who was always following her being all worried. It was a pretty stupid plot line, but they watched it any ways.  
  
Max only took about ten minutes in the shower, then she came out and went into Alecs room to get dressed. She came out of Alecs room wearing black sweat pants, and a blue tank top. She sat right in the tiny place between them. "Alec can we please see if there is anything else on?" Zack said, being sure to say his name so Max wouldn't have a slip up.  
  
"I like this show" Max said. She turned her attention to the tv. The guy that was in love with the girl, his name was Jack or Jake or something, Zack couldn't really remember, something with a j, was telling the girl how he didn't like seeing her getting so close to getting killed or something. She was all like 'oh it doesn't matter, I don't fear death' and then he said something about her not being afraid of anything. It was pretty pathetic. The girl didn't even realize that the guy was in love with her. "Okay, never mind, your right, it's stupid, lets change the channel" Max said.  
  
Alec happily changed it to another tv show. It was a pre pulse show, 'the x-files' or something. It could be decent sometimes. It was definitely better then the other show. A knock at the door signaled that the pizza was there. Alec got up to get the door. "How are you feeling Maxie?" Zack asked her.  
  
"I'm fine Zack" she said. He looked at her, reaching a hand up to touch her face. This girl he had loved in so many different ways. But now, now he saw her as the sister. The youngest, lost, scared, needing her big brother to make things right,  
  
FLASHBACK:  
  
Zack felt her small hands shaking him gently. a distant part of his mind wondered how she could be so strong, yet be so gentle. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to come completely out of sleep, since they got so little of it. Not that he needed a whole lot of it, but even he got tired sometimes. "Zack, I know your awake" Max said to him softly, being careful not to wake up everyone.  
  
Zack finally gave up and opened his eyes to look into the large brown eyes of his 8 year old sister, "Max, go back to bed, your bed, not my bed, not Ben's bed, your bed" he told her. He really thought that Max should be sleeping on her own, she was, after all, a solider.  
  
She pouted, "Zack, I can't sleep" she said. She made her voice quiet, sad, and, small, "Your bed is softer then mine. It's not my fault they gave me the bad bed, don't make me suffer".  
  
He groaned and gave in. Usually he would tell her no, and she would go wake up Ben, who was softer then Zack, and convince him into letting her sleep with him. Ben didn't mind, he didn't really like being alone any ways. But tonight he felt like the company of his baby sister. He had had a slightly disturbing dream. He scooted over in the small bed to let her climb up next to him. Max smiled at him before resting her head on his shoulder and falling asleep. He stroked her face a little before falling asleep.  
  
PRESENT;  
  
Max tilted her face into Zacks hand. She wasn't fine. She couldn't be, she thought Ben was there. Zack brought his hand back to his side. Ben, another death he should of been able to stop, but failed to. But maybe Max wasn't crazy, maybe Ben really was with her. He shook his head. He wanted to believe to much that Ben wasn't gone.  
  
Alec came over with plates in hand. He handed Zack and Max their pizza, then sat down and began to eat his own. Max picked at her pizza a little, but wasn't really eating it. Zack was about to say something to her, but Alec beat him to it. "Max eat you pizza, remember your eating for two now" he said the last part somewhat sarcastically, rubbing her stomach, grinning at her. He looked like Ben at that moment, laughing at a joke that only he thought was funny. Max glared at Alec. The look alone was enough to reassure Zack that she knew it was Alec. She never looked at Ben with that kind of annoyance. But her features softened after a moment, and she began to eat her pizza.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N-Well, I hope you all liked that chapter. I've been thinking allot about the path the stories taken, and I know I need to make a decision Now, Ben is either going to be dead, and Max is just completely insane, or I could do some corn thing where he was alive, and his spirit was lost, blah blah blah. I of course would try my best to make it as un corny as possible. So just give me your opinion on what you would like to see. I'm actually leaning towards Ben being alive right now, so if you all don't want that, I need to know. I really love Ben, so of course I'll want him to be alive, because I miss him :(  
  
  
  
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	14. The gift

Chapter 14............ The gift  
  
Disclaimer-The song used in this chapter is 'do what you have to do', by Sarah Mclachlan  
  
Max woke up in Alecs bed for the second day in a row. There was no sun this morning though. It was gray and raining, Max felt cold and sick to her stomach. She moaned as she felt bile raise in her throat and ran to the bath room, throwing up in the toilet. She flushed the toilet and went over to the sink to brush her teeth, washing away the foul taste. She looked up at her reflection in the mirror. She hated what she saw. Her face looked pale, and worn. She felt awful.  
  
"Max, are you okay?" Came Zacks voice with a knock at the door.  
  
"I'm fine" she called out to him. She splashed some water on her face, rinsing some sweat away, and came out of the bath room. Zack was drinking a glass of water, wearing only his boxers, not caring for modesty. He smiled at her as she came out, she returned the smile in full. Zacks smiles were few and far between. But when he did smile, his whole face softened, his jaw unclenched and he looked beautiful. Memories of being with Zack and Ben, laughing over one of Ens stupid jokes flew through her mind. Max always laughed at them, even when she didn't think they were funny, she had to laugh when Ben did. Zack would hold out for a while though, trying to keep the strait face. But every now and then he would give in and laugh. It was always nice being with Ben at Manticore, he made the whole awful environment a little less horrible.  
  
"Max?" Zack said. She could tell by his tone that he had been talking to her and she had spaced out.  
  
"I'm sorry Zack, what did you say?" she asked him.  
  
"I said don't you and Alec need to be getting off to work" Zack repeated.  
  
"Oh, um yeah" Max said. She resisted the urge to groan, she didn't want to go to work today, but she should. She needed to get her pay check, and she needed to tell Normal she quit. Besides, one last day delivering her packages could be comforting in a strange way. She went onto Alecs room, their room now, and got extremely annoyed to find that Alec was still asleep. She sat down on the bed next to him and brushed some hair out of his face. She then pinched his nose between her thumb and index finger, cutting off his breathing.  
  
His eyes popped open his mouth opened taking a deep breath. Max removed her hand and smiled down at him. "I can't believe you, your such a wimp. It used to take Ben and Zack over twice as long to wake up from that" she told him.  
  
He glared at her, "What an annoying little sister you must of been" he said to her while climbing out of bed. He yawned and stretched a bit, then dropped to the floor and started doing push ups.  
  
"Are you kidding? They loved me" she said, "I can't believe your doing push ups first thing in the morning, is this like some kind of ritual of yours? should I get used to it?" she asked him. She went over to where her suit case was and grabbed out a pair of jeans and a long sleeve black shirt.  
  
What can I say, old habits die hard" Alec said. He did a few more push ups before going over to his dresser and pulling out a pair of brown corduroys and a blue T-shirt. "So after I finish my runs today, I'm going to see if your around Jam pony, to say good bye. After that I'm heading back here to grab my bag, and Zack. After that, we're off. I estimate we'll be gone for three days, at the most. Three days of me and Zack," he stopped getting dressed for a moment and looked off into space, looking a little disturbed, "Just me and Zack. I changed my mind Max, I don't want to go" he told her.  
  
"Why would you not want to be with Zack? he's great" Max said. Alec simply looked at her and blinked. "Oh come on Alec, he's nice really, he's never been real mean to me" she said.  
  
"He loves you. Me, I'm just the guy who knocked up his baby sister. I'll be lucky if he doesn't kill me" Alec whined.  
  
"I'll talk to him before we leave, tell him not to bully you" Max told him. "And when you said love, you better of meant brotherly love, 'cause if you were implying anything, I'll kick your ass" Max said.  
  
Alec shook his head, " Just listen to yourself, 'I'm gonna kick your ass' honestly, I don't know how I ended up with a woman who is so un feminine." Alec said mocking her.  
  
"Simple, you thought with little Alec instead of your brain, and now your stuck with me. Now get over this whole distaste for the tough chick thing, because I'm not changing anytime soon. Besides, I don't think you'd like me if I wasn't the way I was" she said.  
  
Alec came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He lifted her off the ground a few inches and buried his face in her neck. She humored him and allowed him to hold her for a moment. He put her down and turned her so she was facing him, "Don't ever change" he said to her.  
  
"I wasn't planing on it" she told him, "Now go put your shirt on, I'm gonna go have a quick chat with Zack" she said. He smiled at her and nodded. She exited the room.  
  
Zack was bent over looking in the refrigerator when Max came out of the room. He now had a pair of jeans on, but his shirt was still off. He heard her enter the room and looked up at her, "Hey Max do you think Alec has a shirt I can borrow, I spilt juice on mine" he said.  
  
Max tried not to laugh at the image of Zack spilling anything on himself. "Um, yeah I'm sure he'll be okay with it" Max said. "Hey Zack, listen, you behave with Alec. Play nice okay?" she said.  
  
"I'll be good" he said.. "If I'm gonna be staying with you guys for a while, then I might as well get along with him" he said. Max raised her eyebrow at him, knowing that he wouldn't usually care about getting along with any one. "Hey, I promise I'll be nice okay?" he told her.  
  
"Okay" she said. She walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a box of pop tarts out of the cabinet. She put two in the toaster, one for her, and one for Zack.  
  
"You take care of your self while I'm gone, okay" Zack said looking at her.  
  
"Zack, I'm all grown up now, I can take care of myself, I've been doing it for a while now" she said annoyed.  
  
Zack raised an eyebrow at her, "Oh, and what a fine job you've been doing of that" he said motioning to her stomach. She glared at him for a moment. But her put an affectionate arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him, "Just be careful 'kay?" he said smiling down at her.  
  
"Okay, I'll behave here, and you behave with Alec" Max said. She leaned her head on him for a moment before pulling away. Alec came out of his room, hair now brushed, and body now fully clothed. "Hey Alec, Zack needs to borrow a shirt okay?" Max asked.  
  
"No problem buddy, my clothes are your clothes" he said. he walked into the kitchen as the pop tarts popped up in the toaster. "Oooo, breakfast is ready and everything. Your so good to me Max" he said.  
  
Max slapped his hand way from the food, "Sorry, those are for me and Zack" she said. She grabbed them, handing one to Zack, and keeping one for herself.  
  
Alec sulked as he realized that there was no pop tarts left. "I invite you both into my home, give you beds to sleep him, and this is how you repay me" he said shaking his head a little.  
  
"I'll get you a muffin on the way to work" Max said to him. He looked up and smiled. He grabbed her by the waist and kissed her. Max kissed him back to. A part of her brain was thinking about how it was kind of funny that she was pregnant with his child, had spent the past few nights in his bed, and was going to spend her life with him, yet she still felt weird kissing him. Not that she didn't enjoy it, but, everything with Alec just felt strange, it was still so new. She pulled back from him after a moment, "Put your shoes on" she said, and he obediently went to the couch and put his boots on.  
  
Max quickly ate her pop tart, then put her own shoes on. She put on her Jean jacket and stood impatiently by the door waiting for Alec to finish brushing his teeth. She looked at Zack, who was standing by the window, looking out at the gray morning, and walked over to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tightly hugged him. "I'll see you in three days big brother" she said.  
  
He smiled down at her as Alec came out of the bathroom, "Okay let's leave Max" he said. She followed him out the door and they went to work.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Max walked in the door to the apartment, a bag of groceries in one arm. She turned on the light, and looked down at the ground, a little sad. Alec, being the golden boy, always got less deliveries. So of course he finished a while before her. So she missed him, and didn't get to say good bye. Se flipped the light on and shut the door. She went into the kitchen and set the bag down. She smiled as she saw a book on the counter. It was blue, and was decorated with rattles and bottles. It was called, 'Parenting for new parents, from pregnancy to toddlers'.  
  
She opened up the book and a note fell out, it was from Alec, It read;  
  
-Max,  
  
Sorry I missed you, but I found this book and thought you might enjoy reading it while I was gone. I Hope this is what you were talking about, they had shelves full of books so it was hard to choose. Anyway, some where in the house we have hidden another book for you. An actual novel. Zack bought it. He said that Mary (the woman who owned the ranch with her husband) was always talking about it. But you'll have to search the house to find it. I Thought it would be amusing. Well, for me any ways. It's really more for you to read when your belly gets all big and you don't feel like moving much. Well, I don't want to turn this note into a big long ramble, so I'll end it here. I'll give you a call as soon as I get the chance. OC should be there soon. go out tonight with her, it might make you feel better.  
  
Love ya  
  
-Alec  
  
Max put the note down on the counter and began to put away the groceries. It didn't take her long to see that Alec ate nothing but junk food. His kitchen was full of chips, sugary cereals, and, chocolate. He had things like microwave burritos, and hot pockets in his freezer, and the frige was full of left over pizza, and beer. The most healthy thing he had was chocolate milk. And he probably only had that around in case he got seizures. She had gotten some real food. She bought fruit, and vegetables, and orange juice. She loaded the fridge with tofu, and regular milk, along with some stuff she had bought for a dinner.  
  
She thought they should all sit down for a nice meal before they left. It would be a good bye thing, Oc, Zack, Alec, Joshua, and even Logan if he wanted to come. They were the dearest people in her life, and she wanted to have them all together one last time. She leaned against the counter an her elbows and put her face in her hands. She tried to hold back the tears that came up at the thought. They were leaving everything. Bringing only what they could pack. They would just abandon all their things. Maybe sell the tv. Yes they should sell the tv. That could bring them some more money.  
  
And the stereo system. Alec had allot of nice things, which made Max mad in a way. Many of his things he had stolen, and many of the others belonged to Brain. She had been a little upset when he had just taken over the apartment like that, after he died. But, he didn't live there anymore so it didn't matter.  
  
Max began to look around the apartment, partly to find this book Alec had written about, and partly to see what they could sell. She didn't see anything else that she thought would bring them much money, and she couldn't find the book. She sat down on the couch frustrated. After a moment the phone rang, and she rushed to answer it, thinking it must be Alec, "Hello" she said.  
  
"Hi Max" the voice that said her name so gentle and tenderly was not the voice of Alec, but that of Logan.  
  
Max closed her eyes at the pain of hearing his voice. She felt as though she had a deep gash in her stomach that had been struggling to heal, only to be ripped open before it got the chance. "Hi Logan" she said. Her voice cracked a little over his name, as she struggled not to cry.  
  
"Max, I have some news for you. I found a place for you guys in Ireland. I still can't believe your leaving for Ireland. Any ways, I thought that maybe you could come over and I could show it to you, there's a picture. And there's a few other possibilities. I thought I could cook you dinner, you know, one last time" his voice sounded strained and full of desperation, "you know, tonight it will of been exactly two years since we met" he said.  
  
The tears Max had been struggling to hold back came rushing down her face in rivers. She hadn't even realized it. She knew that she should say know. That seeing him alone would just add to her pain, but she couldn't say no to him. Not when he had done so much for her. "Okay, I'll be there soon" she said quietly and hung up the phone. She slid down against the wall to the floor and brought her knees up to her chest. She gave herself a few moments to cry. She felt wrong, as though by seeing Logan she was betraying Alec. But it wasn't how she meant it. When she had met Logan, he had reawakened her to the world. She had felt new to it again. Fate had been cruel to keep them apart, but the blow had been softened by Alec. She cared deeply for Alec, and he made her feel happy and safe. Weather or not she loved him, she didn't know yet. but she did know that to be able to live a a happily ever after, she needed to have on more dinner at Logans. On more late night conversation. She dreamed of one more dance, of one more touch on her face, but this she knew she could not have.  
  
Happily ever after. The thought stuck with her for a moment, and she shook her head. No, happily ever after was what happened in fairy tales. She had always wanted the Disney ending, but she wouldn't get it. Instead she got this weird warped x5 ending. But she could have a happily ever now, and make it last as long as possible. And no one would be able to take it way, she would have it with her forever. But before she could have the happy now, she had to have a meal with her first love. The love that showed her that a happily ever now was possible, even with out him.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
For the first time since she had met Logan, she knocked at his door. He answered the door quickly after she knocked, and smiled at her. She gathered up the strength inside herself to smile back. "Hey you" she said.  
  
"Hey" he said back. He moved from the door so she could enter. She walked into his nice apartment, and looked around it. It smelled of cooking pasta. She breathed the scent in deeply, knowing that it may be the last time. She took in the site of his nice furniture, and expensive computer equipment. Logan led her over to his computer and brought up some pictures of a house.  
  
"It's real old" he told her, "It's far out there to, so you don't have to worry about any neighbors or anything. There's a hospital not to far out of reach, so you don't have to worry if something happens with the baby" as he mentioned her unborn child his voice caught in his throat a little. "You'll need to find a doctor there that you can confide in. One you can trust." Max nodded in understanding. "It has three bedrooms, one bathroom a kitchen, and a living room. That should be enough space for you all. He showed her the pictures of the inside of the house. It really was old. Like a cottage she had scene in an old pre pulse movie. It was stone on the outside with flowers growing all around. There was a big field behind the house, with trees around it. The rooms, though not that large, were a comfortable size. She fell in love with the house as she looked at it. "The house does have electricity, though it's heating system isn't very good, so it will get cold in the winter.  
  
"I want it" she said. "I want that house" she said again.  
  
Logan nodded, "then you'll have it" he said. "I'm giving it to you, it's owned by my family, and was left to me." he told her.  
  
Max shook her head, "Logan, I can't take this from you" she told him.  
  
"Yes you can" he told her, "It has furniture and everything. It will save you allot of money, and allot of trouble. Think of it as a baby gift, or a going away gift, or a wedding present" he said quietly.  
  
Wedding? For some reason the thought of living with Alec, and raising a child hadn't equaled marriage in her mind yet. Not that she was ruling the idea out, just it was to much to think of at the moment. She looked at Logan, his face was begging her to take the house, so she gave in and accepted, "Okay, but think of it as lending it to me. I'm coming back. I swear." she said.  
  
Logan nodded, "Well, dinner should be about ready now" he told her. She smiled and followed him to the kitchen.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The dinner was sitting in her stomach and she found herself strangely content sitting in Logans apartment. She had a hand resting on her stomach. She was studding her stomach, thinking about her small frame, and how pregnancy wouldn't be easy. "You think it will be different there?" she asked Logan, "Like, will they have all this technology and stuff since they were never hit by the pulse? Will people still care about other people there?" she asked Logan.  
  
Logan shook his head, "I haven't been there since I was six" he said. He smiled at her "I don't know." he looked down again, and to break the science came up with something to say, "I'd offer you some pre pulse wine or something, but I guess your not allowed to drink or something" he said. Max smiled and nodded. She leaned back, listening to the soft song that was playing. She didn't recognize it, but the woman who was singing had a beautiful voice, and the song was hitting her heart.  
  
What ravages of spirit  
  
conjured this tempestuous rage  
  
created you a monster  
  
broken by the rules of love  
  
and fate has lead you through it  
  
you do what you have to do  
  
and fate has led you through it  
  
you do what you have to do ...  
  
and I have the sense to recognize that  
  
I don't know how to let you go  
  
Logan appeared in front of her, and healed out a gloved hand. "Dance with me Max? just one last time?" he asked.  
  
Max started at his hand in front of her. She knew that she shouldn't, that there was a million reasons that she couldn't, but she wanted to. She had thought that this would never happen again. And she saw no harm in letting it, as long as she was careful. Her own hands were already wearing gloves, like always. She reached out and placed her gloved hand in his, and stood up. They didn't stand to close, because there was to many reason not to. But they did dance. And they looked deeply into one another eyes, knowing that this really was the end. Max knew she was loosing him forever, she amy see him again, but not how she had wanted.  
  
every moment marked  
  
with apparitions of your soul  
  
I'm ever swiftly moving  
  
trying to escape this desire  
  
the yearning to be near you  
  
I do what I have to do  
  
the yearning to be near you  
  
I do what I have to do  
  
but I have the sense to recognize  
  
that I don't know how  
  
to let you go  
  
I don't know how  
  
to let you go  
  
a glowing ember  
  
burning hot  
  
burning slow  
  
deep within I'm shaken by the violence  
  
of existing for only you  
  
I know I can't be with you  
  
I do what I have to do  
  
I know I can't be with you  
  
I do what I have to do  
  
and I have sense to recognize but  
  
I don't know how to let you go  
  
I don't know how to let you go  
  
I don't know how to let you go  
  
As the song came to a soft sad end, a thought occurred to Max. With the thought came sadness, but peace. The powers that be, or the blue lady, or whoever ruled her life had chosen a different path for her to go on. A harder path. Logan had been given to her to teach her to love. Teach her to trust, and to prepare her for the long path that lay ahead of her. He had given all those gifts. And above all he gave her his love in return. She could never repay him for all he had given her. She could only wish him a world of happiness.  
  
"I love you Max" he was saying to her. "I know that we can't be together, but I want you to know that. And nothing will ever change that" he said.  
  
Max looked up into his sad brown eyes and realized that there was something she could give to him. "The knowledge that though their time together was brief, and at an end, she loved him. "I love you" she said. Her voice choked over the words slightly, but Logan knew that they were true. And now it was time to do the hard part, "Thank you Logan. I hope you come to dinner. Good bye" she said, and she left. This good bye was the real good bye. She would see him again if he came to dinner, but not in the same way. As she left the apartment though, instead of feeling torn apart, she felt an odd sense of peace. And she knew that she had now started on her path of life.  
  
A/n-Okay, I know this chapter came dangerously close to Logan/Max, but understand that it was not meant like that. It was supposed to be Max kind of realizing, that though she had loved Logan, she didn't belong with him, and he could never have any part in her life past friendship. I promise the next chapter will have More Max/Alec stuff. The next chapter will be the last chapter to take place in Seattle also. I feel like I'm kind of dragging this story out, but there is so many things left that I still want to put in, so it probably will go on for a while longer. I hope everyone is enjoying it, and I beg you all for more reviews :)  
  
  
  
  
  
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	15. The last supper

Chapter 15...... The Last Supper  
  
Disclaimer: the song used is this chapter is 'What's on my mind' by the cranberries  
  
"I know" Ben said, his voice desperate.  
  
"Ben, I can't" Max said. She wouldn't do it, he couldn't be asking her what she thought he was asking her.  
  
"Please, you know what they'll do to me" he said. His eyes glistened with tears, "They'll put me down there, with them.... The nomalies. Please" he was begging her now. Pleading with her, he couldn't bear the thought of going back to Manticore.  
  
Max looked down at her big brother. He had always been so kind to her at Manticore. He had been the person who made the whole dreadful experience bearable. But could she do this for him? Could she kill her brother whom she loved more then life? "Tell me about the good place" she whispered down to him.  
  
"He smiled a little bit looking at her, "Where no one ever gets punished?" he said. His voice sounded so young right now. So clear of the insanity that had plagued him only moments before. He sounded young again.  
  
"And no one ever gets yelled at" she said frowning. She couldn't look at him any more. If she did she would see her 9 year old brother who used to tell her about the good place when she couldn't sleep. When she was curled up at his side. No, she couldn't look at him. If she did, then she wouldn't be able to do what she was about to do.  
  
"And no one ever disappears" his voice took the tone it had always held during a story telling, off and slightly distance, as if he himself were already in the good place, looking back to tell her about it. "And when you wake up in the morning, you can stay in bed as long as--"  
  
Max snapped his neck. The sound of cracking bone echoed in her ear as she gently laid his head down. He looked at peace in death, as if he were only sleeping, waiting for her to pinch his nose to wake him up. She sobbed uncontrollably. She brought her hands up to her chest and shook them as if to shake the death away from him. How could she of. It couldn't be real. She didn't just kill her brother. Not Ben. But the heavy weight of his body on her lap told her otherwise. She moved so she was no longer under him. She tried to stand up to run, but couldn't. She could hardly breathe through her sobs. She saw his necklace glistening at his throat, and moved back to him. She unfastened the necklace from around his neck and held it close to her. She wrapped his arms around his dead body and held him to her, wishing she could simply will him to be alive again. "I'm sorry Ben, I'm so sorry" she cried into his neck. The sound of men approaching brought her back to reality, and she went into solider mode. She stood this time, and ran. She ran as fast as she had run the night of the escape, her tears continued flowing, and burned paths down her cheek. She stumbled out of the woods and onto road. She fell at the side of the road, and stayed there for a few minutes, crying, softly repeating apologies to her now dead brother.  
  
Max felt strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her away from her dream, "Max, shhh, Max, it's just a dream Max, shhhhhh" Ben, no Alec was saying. "It's okay Max, it was just a dream" his smooth voice comforted her. He had gotten home late that night, she had already been asleep.  
  
"No Alec" she said through the tears that had come to her in her sleep, "It's not just a dream. It will never be just a dream because it actually happened. I killed Ben. My big brother. I killed him and he's dead. And now I'll never have him again". She said. But as the words escaped her lips, she saw Ben in the corner, looking down at her. She closed her eyes, repeating in her brain that he was gone. But when she opened her eyes, he was still there. "Alec, "she said trying to compose her self a little, "Can you please get ma a glass of water?" she asked of him.  
  
Alec nodded and got out of bed, and left the room to go get her water. "Ben leave" she said softly. "Your not real, you can't be real. Please just leave" she said.  
  
Ben walked over and put his hands on her face, "How could you say that Maxie, it's me. I'm here" he whispered.  
  
She shook her head. "No, your not here, you can't be here because I killed you" she said softly. She brought her hands of onto his and pulled them down away from her face. "Please Ben, leave me alone. I know your not real. It's impossible" she told him firmly.  
  
Ben stood up and stepped away from her bed, his hands slipped out of hers. She watched him as he disappeared. The moment he was gone, she felt awful. She didn't want him to be gone, she wanted him here with her. She didn't care if he wasn't real. "Ben" she said into the dark empty room, "Ben I'm sorry, come back" but he didn't.  
  
After another minute Alec came back into the room with a glass of water. Max took it from him and drank it slowly. She set the glass down on the table, and rested her head on her pillow. Alec climbed back into bed next to her, and she curled up against his body. She didn't say anything else to him. She could tell him about all that had happened while he was gone in the morning. She closed her eyes and drifted off into dreamless sleep at his side.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Alec woke up with the sun shinning onto his face. He was alone, the space next to him, though warm, was empty. He rolled out of bed and on to the ground, and started his morning pushups. When he finished he saw Max standing in the doorway. She was carrying a tray of food, "You made me breakfast?" he asked her smiling.  
  
She shook her head. "It's not for you, and I didn't make it, Zack did" she told him. He frowned. She smiled at him, "But I might be persuaded to share it with you" she said walking over to the bed and siting down, stretching her legs out in front of her. She pulled the blanket up over the lower parte of her body and placed the tray on her lap.  
  
"Why don't we take that into the living room, we can eat with Zack, and I can watch my cartoons" Alec suggested.  
  
Uh oh. She had sold the tv. And his stereo system, and the microwave. And, sadly, her bike. "Alec, about the tv" she started slowly, "Well, remember how you were telling me that we needed the money, and we can't bring it with us so I sold it. But guess what, we have a house" she smiled, hoping to distract him from the tv with good news.  
  
No such luck, "You sold my tv?" he said horrified, "how could you do this to me?" he asked her.  
  
"Hey, I also sold my Bike, do you think that made me happy?" she asked him with a glare. He didn't answer her, he just looked out the window. Like a small boy who had just found out his dog died. Max put her tray down on the floor by the bed and walked over to Alec. She felt bad about everything. Alec was going out of his way to help her, and it really wasn't his fault that she had gotten pregnant. Most guys would of just taken off and said 'see ya', but Alec was moving to another country with her. She wrapped her arms around his waist from behind him, and rested her cheek against his bare back, "The first thing we can buy in Ireland is a nice big new tv for you" she said to him. "Now come on, we can have breakfast in bed and talk about our separate adventures while you were gone." she stepped back from him, and grabbed his hand pulling him over to the bed.  
  
Alec climbed into the bed next to Max, and they picked at the food in front of them. Max told Alec about things that had happened, the money she had made selling their things, and their new house. He was a little upset at Logan giving them a house, but at the same time he was relived. It would make everything easier. Plus, he was happy to find that they would now have more money for a tv. "And I went and saw Dr. Carr" she told him.  
  
"Oh, I missed the first baby appointment" he said a little sadly.  
  
"You'll be there for the next ones" she said. "any ways, he said everything looked all right. Me being an X5 should make pregnancy a little easier apparently. The one good thing about being made in a test tube" she said jokingly. "He was very interested in every thing. I guess that to him this is like some big science experiment or something. Us to being like, super humans, and having a baby. He wants me to send him information on the baby and all." Max put a nice red strawberry in her mouth and savored the sweat taste. She also brushed over the subject of her encounter with Joshua. It had been painful though and she hadn't really wanted to talk about it. She didn't tell him about dinner with Logan though.  
  
"Well, it sounds like you had a much more interesting time then me" he said. Max raised her eyebrows at him. "Logans loosing his touch Max" he said smiling, "there was some type of old abandoned warehouse, but it wasn't a big hid out for Manticore or anything. We got there hours latter then planed because some one got lost after he insisted on driving" Alec raised his voice as he said this, so that Zack would hear. "And the ware house was just what it looked like, and old abandoned warehouse. Or so we thought until we looked around. We think that Manticore might of been there, but cleared out for some reason, we don't know why, but it appears they left in a hurry, 'cause they didn't do a good job of covering their tracks. They left a few files. We haven't looked at them yet, we wanted to wait for you, they appeared to be mainly about you, me and Ben, and some other X5s that I don't recognize" Alec said.  
  
"Really? us? why?" Max asked surprised. "I like this story. It sounds to unlikely. First Logan stumbles upon a chance to destroy Manticore forever. Then we find out that Manticore has cleared out, leaving loose ends, that just happen to be about us? something's up" she said.  
  
"Well, I guess we'll never no what, 'cause we're leaving in two days" Alec said. Logan gave us pass ports and plane tickets when we checked in with him last night. Don't worry, I paid him for them" Alec said. He grabbed a slice of orange from the plate of fruit and leaned over opening the drawer to his night stand. He handed her a passport along with some ids, drivers license etc. "you are now Cammy pierce, and I am your beloved husband Mark. Zack is your half brother Francis Edgar" Alec told her.  
  
"Cammy and Mark Pierce? Francis Edgar? God that's the last time I let Logan pick names" Max said disgusted.  
  
"Hey, I chose those names" Alec said, pretending to look hurt. "Like you and your siblings were so great at it. "Krit? Zane?" He said.  
  
"Oh, well while we're playing the name game, let's bring Ralph into it. Thanks to you there's a seventeen year old girl named Ralph, Alec" Max said to him.  
  
"If we're bringing the X6s into it, I think I'll have to throw bullet and Fixit into this conversation" Alec said.  
  
"Oh God, your right. How are we going to name are baby?" she said to him, "We're likely to have a girl named Bill" she said.  
  
"Have you thought about names yet?" he asked her.  
  
She shrugged. This was a weird conversation. She new it was unavoidable though. They were going to be parents. She was going to have a child at the age of twenty. She felt very young for a moment. "I read about the meaning of some names in the book you bought me" she said. "but I haven't put to much thought into it. Though if it's a boy, I'd like to name him Ben" Max said softly.  
  
Alec nodded, excepting the name. He could give her that, "I guess that name was pretty good for you all" Alec said.  
  
"We chose our own names" Max said. "Except for me, Zack chose my name, the one I had chosen was so bad it wasn't even excepted by them. I'm not even going to tell you what it was" she said.  
  
"Well, I have a nice long plane ride to talk it out of you" Alec said sweetly. Max glared at him. "I always liked the name Sarah" he said.  
  
"It means princess" Max said wrinkling her nose at the idea, "I guess it's kind of pretty though. I like Diana, it means goddess of the moon" Max said.  
  
"Can you picture having a little baby Diana?" Alec asked.  
  
She looked at him with a raised eye brow, "What's wrong with the name Diana?" she asked him.  
  
"Nothing, nothing at all. What about Ariel? what does Ariel mean?" he asked her.  
  
"I think it means lioness of god. How about Morgaine?" she said.  
  
"Morgaine's kind of pretty, I could see that, what does Morgaine mean?" Alec asked.  
  
"I don't know, but it's the name of the woman in the book Zack gave me. 'The mists of Avalon', it's interesting. I haven't really gotten that far yet, I just read the first few pages to see what it was like. I think I'm gonna take your advice and save it. Oh yeah, remind me to kill you for hiding it from me. It took forever for me to find it." she said glaring at him. "Any ways", she said taking the last grape from the plate, "We should get up and get moving, We need to start packing and stuff, and don't forget the dinner I have planned for tonight" Max said.  
  
"Can't we just lie down and do a cross word puzzle together, you know, Play footsie under the sheets. Couple stuff" Alec said smiling.  
  
"No" Max said smiling, "Not now, not ever, now get up and shower, you smell funky" she said.  
  
"That could have to do with the fact I haven't showered in three days" Alec said smelling himself.  
  
"Eeww, I can't believe I slept in the same bed as you" Max said disgusted.  
  
"Hey, leave me alone, I just didn't get a chance" Alec said. He looked at the clock on the night stand, "Oh I better hurry I have an uh.. Appointment" he said.  
  
"Your getting your nails done aren't you" Max said smiling at him.  
  
"Maybe" Alec said, and he hopped out of bed leaving the room.  
  
Max got out of bed and brought the tray to the kitchen. She smiled to herself softly humming a song. She smiled at Zack who was drinking milk form the carton. "you, my dear brother, are a pig" she said with smile.  
  
"Yes" he said smiling back, "I am a pig named Francis, remind me to kill that man of yours" he said jokingly.  
  
"We only need to call you Francis in public, at all other times you'll be Zack" Max said. "Besides, at least you don't have to be called Cammy" she said. She started washing the dishes they had used for breakfast. "thanks for breakfast" Max said, "It's always pleasant when someone makes me food" she turned of the water as she finished the dishes.  
  
"Well, your making everyone diner tonight, and I have no intention of helping with that, so I figured I might as well make you breakfast" Zack said flashing a grin.  
  
Max hit him in the stomach playfully, "Just like you to turn a nice gesture into getting out of something" she said.  
  
"Oww" Zack said putting and arm over his stomach where she had hit him, as if in extreme pain.  
  
"Oh please I barely touched you, Francis" Max said.  
  
"Well Cammy, you have to remember that you being an X5, a tap on the shoulder could hurt" Zack said.  
  
"You make a point Francis but you also must remember that you also being an X5, shouldn't be hurt by me hitting you in the stomach" Max said back to him. Zack hit her shoulder in a manor that was very brotherly. It hurt though, "Ow" Max said.  
  
"My point exactly" Zack said with a satisfied smile playing on his lips. The smile left his face when Max hit him again harder this time. "Hey, why did you have to do that, now I have to do this" he said. He grabbed her arm and twisted it behind her back. He brought his other arm up and pulled her against him preventing her from moving.  
  
"Hey, let me go" Max said. But he didn't. "Come on Zack, you don't want me to get out of this on my own, it will end in pain for you" she said.  
  
"Oh come on, I think I can take my baby sister" Zack said.  
  
"Oh need I bring up fights of the past?" Max asked with a devious grin.  
  
Zack let her go after a moment more. "I still say I could take you" Zack said, "I just don't fancy fighting my pregnant sister" he defended himself.  
  
"No excuses, we both know that I would kick your ass" Max said. Zack just rolled his eyes. "I see you have new clothes now" Max said with a gesture towards his shirt. It was a deep blue that matched the color of his eyes.  
  
"Oh, last night on the way back, we stopped at the ranch. I packed some clothes, said good bye, you know that kind of thing" Zack said.  
  
"What's this? Zack needs material items? And even more surprising, he said good bye to some one? Not possible. Who are you and what have you done with my brother?" Max said jokingly.  
  
"I just didn't want to be wearing the same clothes for the rest of my life. And well, they did let me live with them for months, I didn't just want to disappear" Zack explained.  
  
"Whatever, I still say it's strange, and unlike normal Zack behavior" Max said. "Now, If you'll excuse me, I need to go through the things I'm going to keep, and the things I'm going to leave behind" Max said  
  
"Oh no, I'm coming with you to pack. I'm going to monitor your packing. You must bring only what is needed, we can get new stuff when we're there" Zack said.  
  
"Max rolled her eyes and mumbled "You can take the boy out of Manticore, but you can't take the Manticore out of the boy".  
  
"How about Jane" Alec said as he came out of the shower wrapped in a towel.  
  
"Jane? are you serious? have you not heard the expression 'Plain Jane'? I don't want my daughter to grow up feeling plain" Max said.  
  
"Well, what does it mean?" Alec asked.  
  
"Wait, your what, like one and a half months pregnant, and your picking out names already?" Zack said.  
  
"Well, we're just trying to find a good name, it takes time Zack. Especially with me, you know I'm not good at picking out names" Max defended them.  
  
"You can say that again. What was it you had picked-" Zack was interrupted by Max.  
  
"God is gracious" she said quickly, "It means god is gracious. I think it's Hebrew or something" she told them. She turned to Zack, "And if you tell him the name I picked, I will kill you. I will sneak up on you while your asleep, and drive a steak through your heart" Max threatened.  
  
Zack put his hands up in defeat, "Okay I wont tell. How about Julia. I had a foster sibling named Julia one time. She was nice" Zack said.  
  
"What? You had foster siblings? I thought you were always on the run and stuff. Looking out for us. I don't know what I think of you anymore" Max said, "Your no different then me. And all those lectures about how it wasn't safe to stay in one place. Shame on you Zack. Shame. On. You."  
  
"It was for like, two weeks, and it wasn't by choice" Zack defended, "Now what does Julia mean?" he asked again.  
  
"Um, I think it means downy hared and youthful. I don't think I like it. Now, I don't know what every name means so hold on. If we're going to have this conversation, we're going to have it right" she disappeared into her room, and came out a moment latter with her baby book. "Now, Morgaine" she flipped through the book, and looked up a moment latter, "They don't have Morgaine, but they have Morgan, Morgana, and Morgance. I'm assuming that Morgaine is derived from Morgan. Any ways, it means from the sea, or sea creature, or something like that" Max explained.  
  
"Morgaine?" Zack asked scrunching up his nose, "that's a little unusual" he said. "I'm not exactly surprised that you chose it though" he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"It's a beautiful name" Max said. "Now, no more distractions. We can talk about this on the plane. I am going to go choose what will come with me, and what will stay" she walked to her room grabbing Alec and dragging him with her. "come on towel boy. If your gonna get your nails done, you have to get dressed first" she said.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Max sat at the table and looked around at the people that were seated around her. On her right was Alec, and on her left was Zack. Across from her was OC, and next to OC was Joshua and Logan. No one at the table looked happy. Alec Logan and Max would be leaving the next day, and though they said differently, everyone knew that there was a chance that they were never coming back.  
  
People hardly even spoke. They just looked at their plates, and picked at their food. "Oc, did you know that your name means moon?" Max said for no reason but to brake the silence.  
  
"Of course I knew that" She said simply.  
  
"How about my name, what does my name mean?" Zack said after a moment more.  
  
"Well, Zachary means something like remembered by god" she said. She decided that if it kept away the silence she would tell everyone what their names meant. "Joshua, your name means Lord is salvation. It's Hebrew I think".  
  
Joshua nodded, but didn't really look up. He was still upset about Max leaving. Logan however did say something, "What does Logan mean?" He asked quietly.  
  
Max cleared her throat, "From the little hollow" she said.  
  
Logan got a very strange look upon his face, as though he didn't know how to take it. Alec laughed. "What does Max mean?" Alec asked.  
  
Max smiled, "Well, the feminine form would mean-"  
  
"Great woman" Zack interrupted her with a smile. Max noticed he had been smiling a lot more since she was reunited with him. She returned his smile in full..  
  
"What does Alec mean?" Alec asked looking at her with curiosity in his eyes. Max looked away, trying not to think about how Ben always had curiosity flashing in his face. After a moment she looked back though and smiled, "No way am I telling you, your arrogant enough as it is" she said.  
  
"Max,, come on, tell me what my name means" Alec asked again.  
  
Oc stepped in, "well, Alec comes from the name Alexander, which means 'helper and defender of man kind" she said.  
  
Alec flashed a huge grin. Max rolled her eyes and glared at OC. "And you named me" he said.  
  
"For different reasons" She said. "trust me, if I had known what it meant, I would of gone with Dick" she said with a grin.  
  
"You wound me" Alec said putting a hand to his heart. Max just continued smiling. "What does Ben mean?" he asked. Max looked away. "I mean, you know, if we're gonna name the baby Ben, I'd kind of like to know what it means" he put his hand over hers on the table.  
  
"Son" she said softly. Ben means son. If its used as Benjamin, then it means Son of the right hand. What ever that means".  
  
"I kind of like the name Leah" Alec said bringing the conversation completely back to baby names. Max made a mental note to watch it, if they weren't careful the could be come one of those couples.  
  
"I don't, it's Hebrew for weary" Max told him.  
  
""I always kind of liked the name Mary" Logan said.  
  
"I agree with the man from the little hollow" Alec said mockingly, "I like the name Mary, what does it mean?" he asked.  
  
"I believe it means the perfect one" Max said. "How about Amy, it's Latin for beloved" she told them.  
  
"Maybe Kelly" OC suggested.  
  
"It means Farm by the spring" Max said. "Maureen maybe? It means great" she said.  
  
"Maureen? your joking right? I will not have a daughter named Maureen. How about Selene?"  
  
"Selene means Lunar glow" Max said. "But you know what keeps on coming back to my mind?"  
  
"Uh let me think. You bring up Morgaine in every conversation, so I'm guessing, Morgaine. I kind of like Morgana, or just plain Morgan" Alec said.  
  
"But I don't want my daughter to have such plainness in her name. I want her do have something that she wont run into, Like Morgaine" she said, "Or Morgana" she added after Alec gave her a look. "Now, let's change the subject from Baby names. I don't want to be the type of person who's always talking about her baby. So, Alec, how was your nail appointment? Your hands look lovely" she said.  
  
Everyone at the table laughed. Everyone except Alec. "You know, there is nothing un masculine about having nice clean healthy nails" he said, trying to remain dignified. "And I don't appreciate being made fun of all the time. Just because I do some things that could be considered slightly feminine" he said.  
  
"Like using moisturizing lotion?" Logan asked.  
  
"Or the way you put on chapsitck. Really, it's like watching a girl put on lip stick" Max added.  
  
Alec glared at them both. Zack was looking at him with disgust. "And this is the boy who is so popular with the ladies? Honestly, I'm against calling you a male" Zack said.  
  
"Oh, you who makes up your bed neatly every morning, folding all the blankets and pileing them up neatly at the top of the couch. You who refuses to have any type of stain on your shirt? You are calling me Girlie? I don't think so. I'm not girlie. I'm all man" Alec said smiling.  
  
"It's true Zack, you are weird about getting stains on your clothing" Max said. He gave her a brotherly stare of annoyance. She was happy that the mood had been lightened. "you'd think that Manticore would of made them a little more manly" she teased.  
  
They all ate their dinner, laughing and talking with each other. The conversations moved from different topics. Zack entertained them with stories aboutJondy and Zane and the other X5s. OC and Max told a story about some moron guy that was hitting on them one night. the mood remained light, and Max was severely disappointed when she looked up at the clock and saw that it was quickly approaching 11:00.  
  
Max felt that it had to be wrong. They were getting on a plane the next morning, and she wasn't ready to say good bye yet.  
  
Alec noticed the direction of her glance and frowned when he saw the time. She nodded and he stood up, "Well, I really really hat to do this, but it's getting late" he said.  
  
They took the hint and stood up and started to get ready to leave. Max gave Oc and Joshua a big hug good bye. Kissing them each on the cheek. "Good bye boo, you take care of yourself" she said. She then went to Alec and gave him a hug, "Okay boy, now you take care of my girl and the little Boo" she said. He nodded and smiled.  
  
Joshua gave Alec a hug good bye. But Logan got no hug. Max couldn't touch him, and he wasn't to fond of Alec, so he just smiled and left. Zack also got an awkward hug from Oc. And then it was just the three f them. Max, Alec, and Zack.  
  
Max walked over to Alec and wrapped her arms around him. He embraced her tightly, and she allowed herself to cry just a little bit. She looked up at him, he wasn't crying, but he did have a look of deep sadness on his face. She reached her hand up and stroked the back of his neck, playing with the soft downy curls that rested above his bar code. She stood up on her tip toes and kissed his mouth softly, then stood back down. He smiled at her, and leaned down kissing her more deeply. He slowly rubbed her back with one hand, and rested his other hand on her small waist.  
  
They were interrupted by the sound of Zack clearing his throat, reminding them of his presence. "I hate to interrupt this lovely moment, but I just wanted to stop you before you begin to grope on the couch I use as my bed" he said.  
  
"Some body's jealous" Alec mumbled under his breath. Not so lucky for him, he was in a room with X5s, and they both heard him.  
  
Max looked up and glared at him with a cold stare. She hit him hard in the gut. Zack crossed his arms, trying to act nonchalant. it didn't work. "Come on Alec, we are going to bed" Max said coldly to him, dragging him into the room.  
  
"Alec you are such a pig headed male" She said rather loudly once they were in the room. "I have told you time and time again to keep your opinions about Zack to your self. Okay? That's right, he in love with me. But he still loves me the other way also, and I love him. He and Ben were the closest thing to family I ever had. And he's going out of his way for us" she felt tears rushing down her face, though she didn't know why it was making her so upset. "Why can't you just leave this whole thing alone" she said.  
  
"Alec looked up, making puppy eyes at her. She had to smile when she saw it. He just looked so cute when he did it. "I'm really really sorry Max" he said putting his hands n her waist and pulling her towards him. "you forgive me?" he asked sweetly.  
  
She looked into those deep blue eyes, and found it really hard not to say yes. "This time, this time I forgive you. But next time you sleep on the couch. and you've only escaped that fate this time because my BROTHER is on the couch" she said. He leaned down smiling at her, and they kissed, taking up where they had left off. He moved his lips down her chin, and on to her neck. Max smiled and ran her hands through his hair. "Dance with me Alec" she said after a moment.  
  
"We don't have any music" he said looking at her with surprise written on his face.  
  
"Then you can sing to me also" she said.  
  
He shook his head, "Max, I don't sing" he said.  
  
"And what if our baby likes to be sung to, are you not going to sing to our little, Ben, or Morgaine, or Morgana?" she asked.  
  
"I will sing to Morgana, or Ben, when ever he, she wants, but I'm not going to sing at eleven thirty at night, so we can dance" he said.  
  
Max sniffed, "you love the baby more then me" she said. He laughed, and took one of her hands in his. He put his other hand on her waist. She leaned against him, and they slowly swayed. "Your not singing" she said.  
  
"Oh why do I get the feeling that the rest of my life is going to go by very slowly" he said. "Now this is the only chic song I know so don't laugh" he said. And then he began to sing, "Baby I would do anything for you Nobody's ever treated me quite like you do I've wasted too much time I've wasted too much time And I'm gonna tell you what's on my mind Yea yea" His voice was slow and deep. It was beautiful, she didn't know why he made such a fuss about singing. The tune to the song was bordering on slow, and happy. "I was wrong all along There could be somebody like thee Here we are finally I've found my I've found my Maybe it'll be quite sometime I love you forever and we will be waiting in time I'm wasting no more time I'm wasting no more time I'm always gonna tell you what's on my mind Yea yea I was wrong all along There could be somebody like thee Here we are finally I've found my I've found my".  
  
His song ended, but they continued dancing. His hand on her hip made Max feel warm and protected. she looked up at him and kissed him again. At his moment, she felt that they would be fine. That things would work out. For once in her life, she didn't dread the future, she looked forward to it.  
  
  
  
A/N-I hope you all like this chapter. I worked some what hard on it. Any ways, it might take me a while to put up the next one, though I'll try my best. Don't worry, Ben is not out the story for ever, though it may be a while before he comes back. I don't really know. I know how it's going to end, and some of the things that are going to happen on the way, but besides that, I make it up as I go along. :)  
  
Review, it makes me happy:):):):)  
  
  
  
  
  
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	16. New life, old past

Chapter 16...........New life, old past  
  
A/N-I would like to apologize to anyone I offended with names in the last chapter. I'd like to say that I don't think that there's anything wrong with any of those names. I happen to love them all. They're the names of my best friends, though not all of them. The name Maureen is a name I like a lot and the name of one of my very best friends. The same go's for any names in this chapter.  
  
"Come on Max, just let me have a little" Zack said from behind her, reaching his hand in front of her.  
  
"No Zack" Max said, swatting away his hand. ten minutes ago when she had started making cookies, he had wanted cookie dough. And since then, he had been trying to get some from her. "Zack leave me alone, you can have a cookie when they're done" she said. He didn't listen. He Reached his hand around her again, holding her back with his other hand, and went to take some cookie dough. She slapped his hand with the spoon she had been using to stir the dough.  
  
"Ow" he said. He noticed that the spoon had left dough on the back of his hand, and stepped back happily licking his hand.  
  
Max rolled her eyes, "Now out" she said. He left the kitchen. Max went back to putting the cookies on the cookie sheet. They had been in Ireland for two months now. Max hadn't seen Ben. Well not really any ways. Every now and then she would see him out of the corner of her eyes, but then she would turn and he would be gone. She dreamed about him almost every night though. She looked at the clock, it was 6:00. Alec would be getting home soon. He had luckily found a job as a bike messenger. Zack stayed home so Max wouldn't be by herself all day. She had wanted to get a job also, but Alec and Zack had convinced her that it would be easier to just wait until after the baby.  
  
Life had been simple and happy here. No one was paranoid, and she had nice neighbors. If you could call them that, their closets neighbors lived about two miles away. But they were nice. Andrea and George Mcfay. Andrea had streaming red hair, and freckles covered her face. She had bright green eyes. She was very pretty in an old faciendo Irish way. George had blond hair and hazel eyes. He was handsome. Neither of them were exceptionally beautiful, but they were nice people. Andrea was 5 months pregnant. They went on walks some times.  
  
Max heard the door open which signaled Alecs entry. "Honey, I'm home" he said coming into the kitchen. He was wet. His hair came down and framed his face, water dripping from it. His clothes were soaked through. Max hadn't even realized that it had been raining. But the fact that he was wet didn't stop him from coming over and hugging her. "And how is my beautiful wife?" he asked. He was in a good mood. She was now wet, but she didn't care because he was happy. And when he was happy, things were easier. He put a hand on her stomach, that was just now beginning to show signs of pregnancy, "And how is my Ben or Morgana?" he asked.  
  
"Your wife is fine" she said, she looked down and the gold ring on her finger. It had a very simple red stone on it, it was somewhat plain, but she loved it any ways. They had gone to a court house and gotten married in about ten minutes. IT was big, or special, but that had been all she needed. "And Our little Ben or MORGAINE, is fine" she said kissing his cheek.  
  
He sniffed the air, "Do I smell cookies?" he asked. He looked at the bowl of cookie dough and smile, "Yes" he said. He put his finger in the dough and pulled out a big clump of dough. He put it in his mouth and smiled with bliss.  
  
"How come he gets cookie dough?" Zack asked from his place in the entrance to the kitchen.  
  
"Because she loves me more" Alec said smiling.  
  
"Hardly" Max said with a laugh. "He gets cookie dough because he's smart enough to wait for me to let my guard down. But it's a worthless battle now. I can't fight both of you off, so go ahead, eat the cookie dough. At least I got some of them cooked" she said.  
  
Zack and Alec went right to the bowl, and began pigging out on cookie dough. Max rolled her eyes. Alec put his arm around her pulling him close to her. "If it's any consolation, It's really really good" Alec said. He shoved a bit of cookie dough into her mouth. She glared at him, but savored the taste any ways. Alec grinned and put his hand on her stomach. Max noticed that he did this a lot Ever since she first began to show, though it was just barely visible. If she was wearing something loose, you couldn't notice. But Alec who saw her stomach a lot, new the swelling of her stomach was there. And he always had his hand on her. As if to say 'my woman, my child'. Oh yes, he was definitely an alpha male. But he didn't mind, it was comforting.  
  
The buzzer on the oven went off signaling that the cookies were done. Max pulled away from Alec and went to take the cookies out of the oven. "Alec, go put dry clothes on before you track mud and water every where. And don't either of you touch these cookies. There for some stupid pregnant mommy thing that Andrea's dragging me to tomorrow." Alec and Zack smirked, and laughed a little with each other. "Oh don't even laugh at me you two. Look at you, your like two high school boys. Andrea thinks I'll enjoy this, and she wont leave me alone about this unless I go. Besides, I'd like to have some friends, besides two immature X5s" she said.  
  
Alec and Zack both put their hands to their chests over their hearts, "Max, you wound us" Alec said feigning hurt. Max rolled her eyes. The more time they spent together, the more like each other Zack and Alec were becoming. Alec grabbed her around the waist when she had her back turned and lifted her off the ground.  
  
"Put be down" Max demanded. Alec just continued to hold her and carried her into their room. When they got there he set her down. Max crossed her arms and looked up at him. "What?" she said annoyed.  
  
"Nothing, just felt like carrying you. So, what's for dinner?" he asked.  
  
Max let out a very annoyed sigh. "What ever you make" she said smiling. she took off her top, she might as well change while she was in here, Alec had gotten her pretty wet. Alec followed her lead and began to change.  
  
"I think I'll make Pizza" he said putting on a T-shirt. Max shook her head. "Okay, maybe not" he said disappointed. He changed into a pair of sweats, "How about spaghetti?" he said. Max nodded in approval "Okay, then that's what we'll have" he declared. Max, now in a tank top and sweats, went to leave, but Alec stopped her. He pulled her back over onto the bed and sat down with her.  
  
Max rolled her eyes, she knew what this was about. He wanted to see her stomach. She never would of taken Alec for such an obsessed dad kind of guy. But he always wanted to see the small swell of her belly. She lifted her shirt up a little bit so he could see. He got down on his knees in front of her and put a hand on her stomach. "It's so weird" he said. "I still can't believe it. I mean I've slept with a lot of women and all-"  
  
"Your such the sweat talker" Max interrupted him.  
  
"Before you" he said smiling. "Any ways, as I was saying, I've slept with a lot of women, but it never really crossed my mind, you know, that it could result in this. In the creation of a baby that's gonna come out in six months, and be all small and beautiful" he said looking from her to her stomach. Max smiled at him. She figured that if they hadn't had this same conversation every day for the past two months, then it would of been a lot sweater.  
  
"Yes Alec, I get it. We're going to have a baby, happy happy joy joy, now, if your done yet, I need to get back to my cookies, before Zack eats them all." Max said.  
  
Alec laid a kiss on her stomach and stood up. "Okay, I guess I'll go make dinner then" he said and Left their room. Max remained seated on her bed, fighting off the headache that had suddenly swept over her. Alec walked into the kitchen and grabbed on of the still warm cookies. "You see Zack, when you want a cookie, you just distract her. Then she forgets about the cookies, and your free to take as many as you want" he said biting down into the warm treat.  
  
Zack grabbed a cookie for himself, "yes Alec but what you don't realize, is that she will blame all the disappearing cookies on you, for I am her brother. The tough leader, who would never stoop so low to take one of her cookies, after she specifically asked me not to" he said taking a bite.  
  
Alec frowned, "I didn't think of that" he said. But he shrugged and walked into the main room of their small house, and sat down at the bench to the piano. He had been quite taken aback to find that their was a piano in this little home, but according to Max, Logans family was like, Money central, so it only made sense for them to have a piano. He ran his fingers lightly across the keys, and looked up at the music. It was a nice peace, 'Cannon in D' by Pachelbel ' he began to play. He didn't often like going near the piano, for it brought up quite painful memories. But Max liked it, and it put him at peace sometimes to play. It made him think of Rachel, but in a good way, not bad.  
  
Max came and sat next to him, putting her hand on top of his to stop him from playing. "You were supposed to be making me diner" she said, "And instead you eat my cookies and play the piano" she said.  
  
"Hey, Zack ate some of those cookies to" Alec said defending himself.  
  
"Oh come on Alec, I told him no cookies, he listens to me, unlike you. He's a little more grown up then that, and has better things to do then eat my cookies" Max said.  
  
Zack smiled behind Max, "I tried to stop him Max, he didn't listen though" Zack said crossing his arms, giving Alec a 'shame on you' look.  
  
Alec glared at him, Max smiled at him. She then turned back to Alec though. She looked down at her hand that was on top of his. "Why do you always look like that when you play? like your a million miles away. Is it because your thinking about her?" Max asked.  
  
He nodded and looked down at the ivory keys. His mood darkened a little. If he could keep his thoughts of Rachel inside his own mind, then they could remain pleasant, sperate from reality. But speaking about them brought back the reality, that she had been alive, and that she was now dead because she hadn't been able to save her.  
  
Max Put her comforting hand on his knee, and leaned against him. "I'm sorry" she said quietly.  
  
He put his arm around her and smiled, "Don't be, there's nothing for you to be sorry for" he said. He stood up and rubbed his hands together, as if hit by a big wave of energy. "now, time for dinner" he said.  
  
"Alec don't. Don't pull away from me like this. You can talk to me" Max said, grabbing his arm, preventing him from walking out of the room.  
  
"Max, there's nothing to talk about. I'm all right" he said with that smile. That smile she had seen before. It was different from his other smiles, his other grins just made him seem happy and free of worries. This smile, though a smile, was sad. The smile he was giving her right now, was an example of one of the few times when he couldn't mask his emotions when trying.  
  
But she let him go any ways. She could talk to him latter, but not now. If he was going to open up to her, it wouldn't be with Zack in the room. After a few minutes, she could smell onions and garlic cooking on the stove.  
  
"Who's this she you speak of" Zack asked siting next to her at the piano.  
  
"Rachel. Some one from his past. He was supposed to kill her father, but he fell in love with her. He tried to save them, but Manticore had suspected that he was going to do something of the sort, and he was to late. Or something like that, I don't really know the details" She told him. "He really did love her though, I saw him seeing her, in a coma, he was torn apart" she said.  
  
"Does it bother you, that he loves someone else?" Zack asked her.  
  
She shook her head, "Just because he loved her, doesn't mean he can't love me" Max said. "He's different now then he was. Before he got out of Manticore. For us, it was bad. For him, it was worse. He didn't even know what love was, what he was feeling for her, he didn't understand" she said. She began playing a peace on the piano that Alec had taught her. It was a duet, and she knew that Zack would join in, thus ending the conversation. she was right, he joined in after a moment, and the happy piece lightened the mood.  
  
If somebody had told her a year ago that she would end up in Ireland, pregnant by and married to Bens twin, and sitting at the piano with Zack of all people, she would of laughed at them. But here she was, running her fingers over the old white keys next to her big brother. She looked up at him and smiled, he smiled back. She was almost getting accustomed to seeing Zack smile, he did it a lot more since he had gotten back from the farm. He had changed a lot since he lived with Max and Alec. Some things, like his new Alec like attitude annoyed her. But the smiles, the laughing, and the piano, they were all good things. One of the things Manticore did good for them was the ability to learn things quickly, like the piano. Though it had taken them longer to learn then it had taken Alec. He made sure to rub that in their faces.  
  
All she needed now was for Zack to break out in song, then her happy little moment would be perfect. Just like in the movies. He shook his head, "I'm not singing" he said. She frowned, he always knew what she was thinking. It wasn't fare, she hardly ever knew what was going on in his mind.  
  
"Max, we're out of noodles, I'm going to go get it, I'm taken you Bike Max" Alec said walking through the living room.  
  
"Wait" Max said, she stopped playing the piano, and ran over to him. She wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him. "Get some milk while your out" she said.  
  
"I'll try to remember" he said and left.  
  
Max sat down on the cozy dark green couch and sighed. The aroma of cooking food filled the house, creating a warm environment. Max liked it here. She liked it a lot. Things were peaceful, friendly. She had Alec, and She had Zack. She missed Oc and Sketchy, and most of all Logan, but things here were just so much easier, less confusing. "Hey big brother" she said to Zack, who was still playing something soft on the piano.  
  
He stopped playing and turned around on the bench, he opened his mouth as if to say something, but changed his mind and smiled tightly. Max closed her eyes and sunk down further into the couch. She closed her eyes, and sighed again. With a hand on her stomach, she fell into a light sleep.  
  
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"Tell me about her" Max said coming up behind Alec and wrapping her arms around his waist. Alec tensed, and continued to look out the window of their bedroom, not answering. He didn't think he could have this conversation. "Alec, Please talk to me" she said.  
  
He took a deep breath. Denying her was not something he was good at lately. "She smiled a lot" he said, remembering her. "Her teeth were always white, and she was always smiling. It was weird, ya know? I wasn't used to people smiling. And she laughed a lot. Her laugh was beautiful, like a song. And it was like, just being around her was enough to make everyone else smile" There. He had shared a memory with her, maybe Max would leave him alone now.  
  
"What else?" Max asked him. She remembered seeing Rachel laying in bed unconscious, all color drained from her face. Max wanted to know about this girl. She wanted to know what was so special in her, that Alec fell in love with her.  
  
"She always smelled like roses" as Alec said this he could almost smell Rachel in the room. "And she loved her father. She loved life. She had been so free of worries. he was so innocent, and free of pain" he felt his eyes water at the memory of her smiles and happiness. "And she always walked freely. Not a march, not a strait up stiff walk, but a loose free walk" he said. A tear ran down his cheek as he remembered seeing her laying so lifeless in that bed. She would never walk again.  
  
Max moved in front of him, "I'm sorry Alec, I really am" she said. Alec wrapped his arms around her, and rested his head on her shoulder. She rested one hand on his head, and the other on his back. She kissed his head And ran her fingers through the soft strands of his hair.  
  
He looked up at her after a few moments, and Max could see that he had been crying. "I love you Max" he said, "I want you to know that. I never got to tell her, so I'm always gonna tell you" he said.  
  
Max smiled up at him. This wasn't the first time he had told her he loved her, but they didn't exactly follow each other around professing their love for each other. "I love you too" she said. He leaned down and kissed her.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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	17. Two men and a Pregnant woman

Chapter 17.............Two men and a pregnant woman  
  
Max sat under a large tree in the area of land behind their house. She turned a page in her book. It was an amazing novel, and she couldn't seem to stop reading it. She sat with the book balancing on her stomach. She was now six months pregnant, and eternally grateful for this book. She could just read through it in a few hours, thanks to manticore, but she'd rather read at a slow normal pace. She wanted to enjoy the experience of reading this book. Besides, she had a lot of spare time, and here wasn't a lot of things she could do.  
  
A strong wind came and blew the pages of her book. She groaned and looked up. Large gray clouds were forming in the sky above her. Rain was coming. She closed her book and tried to stand up, which, being six months pregnant, was easier said then done. "Zack" she called to her brother, who was sleeping a few yards a way. He didn't stir. She made a mental note to leave him out in the rain. After another moment she managed to get to her feet. She slowly walked back to the house, kicking Zack on her way, to wake him up. He grunted. "Rain" she said pointing up at the sky.  
  
He jumped up wrapped an arm around her shoulder, forcing her to lean on him. She did so happily, her legs had been cramping allot lately. According to the baby book it could be from lack of calcium. She made the mistake of telling this to Alec, who now forced her to take calcium pills, and shoved a glass of Milk in her hand every chance he got. The leg cramps, along with many other awful things, were all the lovely side affects of being pregnant.  
  
As they walked inside, Max groaned as a pain shot through her back. "I will give you ten thousand dollars to give me a back rub" she said to Zack.  
  
"No problem" he said smiling, "Assuming of course, that I get money" he said.  
  
Max slapped his chest with a smile, "How 'bout you just do it 'cause I'm your baby sister, and you love me" she said.  
  
"Okay, but next time I expect to get ten thousand dollars" he said. She sat down on the couch sideways, bringing her legs up and crossing them in front of her. Zack did the same behind her. "Next time you get pregnant, I get the job, and Alec stays home" Zack said rubbing her shoulders. She didn't answer, only softly sighed as his Manticore made hands worked magic on the aches and pains of her back.  
  
Max looked up at the clock. Any minute Alec would be home, and would want to know how her doctors appointment went. He was very disappointed that he couldn't get time off work to come with them. "So, am I going to have a little niece, or nephew?" Zack asked her.  
  
"Zack, I already told you, I promised Alec I would tell him first. When he gets home, I'll tell you both, now stop asking me that, because my answer is not going to change until he gets home" Max said.  
  
"This is so unfair. I take care of you, break you out of Manticore, save your life a countless number of times, and what do I get in return? Nothing that's what" he said laying on a guilt trip. "I mean, if it weren't for me you'd be dead, that's my heart you have beating in your chest, yet still, you can't even tell me a simple thing like the gender of your baby". He put a hand to his chest, "Sometimes I can almost remember what it's like to have a heart-".  
  
"Oh come on" Max said interrupting him. "Alec will be home any minute, and you'll both know" she said. "And don't think you can guilt me into telling you. Alec has saved my life also, of course he has also tried to kill me...." she trailed off. "Ya know what, he is lucky to have me. I should of killed him by now" she said.  
  
"Works for me" Zack said, "just say the word, and he'll be dead before he knows what hit him" he told her.  
  
Max laughed, "Now, you get back to rubbing my back, well get back to our plans of killing Alec latter" she said.  
  
"Who's planing on killing me?" Alec said coming inside from the now pouring rain. He closed his umbrella and shook the water off of it. He set it down by the door, and closed the door.  
  
Max smiled. A normal man wouldn't of been able to hear their conversation, but a transgenic could. "Hi honey" she said sweetly. "Don't worry, if you never try to kill me again, then we wont kill you" she said.  
  
"God, you make one mistake, and you never hear the end of it" he mumbled. He walked over and kissed her on her cheek. "So, Morgana, or Ben?" he asked.  
  
"Hmmmm, ya know, I can't remember, go get me the phone, I'll call the doctor and ask" she teased. Alec crossed his arms and glared. "I'm just joking" she said smiling, "in three months, we are going to have ourselves a little baby girl, named Morgaine".  
  
"Well, you'll have a girl to keep you company then" Zack said.  
  
Alec grinned, "I bet she'll look just like you" Alec said, "and we can dress her in pretty little dresses, and buy her those little porcelain doll things, and can have those cute little pink shoes that little girls always have. Oh, and we can get her a little pink blanket with Morgana embroidered on it" he said happily, sitting down in front of Max on the couch facing her.  
  
"Okay, first of all there will be no little dresses, no little pink shoes, the blanket will be lavender, and it will say Morgaine" she said.  
  
"You guys better figure out what your gonna call her before you have her" Zack commented, continuing to rub Max's back.  
  
"A little lower Zack" she said, and sighed when he hit just the right place. "Any ways, now that we know the baby's going to be a girl, we should start getting some stuff for her. I don't really know enough people to have a baby shower. My friends basically consist of you guys and Andrea" she said.  
  
"Don't forget your old friends, speaking of which, I have something for you" he said. He went over to the door and grabbed his messenger bag. He brought it over to her and grabbed a medium sized package out of her bag. I have a delivery for the most beautiful woman in the world" he said.  
  
"Some one is in a good mood" she said smiling. She took the package and began to open it. There was two letters in it, one from Oc, one from Logan. She set them aside, and looked at the present. I was a teddy bear, one of those really old classic kinds that looked like the older version of whinnie the pooh. She picked it up and looked at it smiling. She set it down in Alecs lap, and opened the letter from Oc, and began to read it.  
  
Hey Boo, how ya doing way over there in Ireland? Do ya know if it's a boy or a girl? I bet it will be a girl. I wish I could be there with you. How's living with Alec and Zack? they driven you crazy yet? just say the world and Original Cindy will be out there to kick both of their asses. Send my love to them by the way. Any ways, me and Logan picked out the cute little bear, there's a book to, unless the boy forgot to send it.  
  
Max put the letter down for a moment and looked in the package again. At the bottom, under some of the tissue paper was a book. A whinnie the pooh book. Max smiled, how appropriate. She handed that also to Alec, and went back to her letter.  
  
Joshua's doing fine, I know you hated to leave him, but he really is okay. A little sad sometimes, but okay. Normal is horribly upset however with out his golden boy Alec. I think Normal might be a little bit gay, but that's his business. You better send us lots and lots of baby pictures, and if you don't start writing to us, I'll fly out there and kick your ass.  
  
love ya lots  
  
~OC  
  
Max put the letter back in the envelope, "She sends her love" she said to Zack and Alec. She turned around on the couch and put her feet down on the ground in front of her. She didn't open Logans letter yet, she just wasn't sure she was ready. "Well, I should get dinner ready" Max said standing up. Alec nodded and leaned back. Zack did the same. "Oh no no honey, let me make dinner" Max mumbled under her breath. Zack and Alec chose not to hear.  
  
Max walked into the kitchen, and Alec looked over to Zack. "I can't believe your going to just sit there while your pregnant sister is in the kitchen slaving over a hot stove" He said, giving Zack a shame-on-you look.  
  
"Me? She's your wife" Zack said. "I can't believe how you let her prance around and be on her feet all day like this, if she were my wife-"  
  
"Well Zack she isn't your wife" Alec interrupted him. "She's my wife, now, I'm going to go help her cook dinner" He stood up and walked into the kitchen.  
  
"Alec, I'm not giving you any bits of food until dinner is ready, go and wait with Zack" Max said irritated.  
  
"I'm in here to help you" Alec said. He wrapped his arms around her from behind, resting his hands on her swollen belly. He smiled happily as he felt the baby kicking. "Oh yes, definitely an X5" he said jokingly.  
  
"Max turned around quickly, "No, no, no, don't even say that. This baby is going to be normal. One hundred percent normal. Like every other kid" Max said.  
  
Alec put his hands comfortingly on her shoulders, "Max, you can say that all you want, but you know as much as I do, that this baby will not be normal. She'll be better then normal. We're better then normal. She'll be special. She'll be strong, smart and she'll have hair, my eyes, and she'll have this lovely creamy tan like skin color. Oh, and hopefully my nose" he said.  
  
"And what is wrong with my nose?" Max said.  
  
Alec let out a small sigh of relief escaped Alecs lips. He had managed to distract her. "Nothings, nothing's wrong with your nose. It's just not my nose" he said grinning. She hit him. Hard. She smiled as he made a small oof sound. He stood up a moment later though and recollected himself. "So, what are we cooking?" he asked.  
  
"Burgers, frys and salad" she said. She went the the refrigerator and grabbed a bag of frozen French frys out of the freezer, and tossed it at Alec. "Put those on an oven tray, then put the tray in the oven" she said turning on the oven.  
  
Alec did as he was told. When he was done he leaned against the counter, watching Max forming the ground meat in to hamburger patties. "Nothing is more attractive then a woman cooking for her man" he said.  
  
She turned around and glared at him, "You are such a pig" she said. She had been going way to easy on Alec, she made a mental note to give him a hard time. "And if you don't stop with this piggish behavior, then you are going to get some raw meat chucked at you" she said.  
  
Alec put his hands up in defeat, mumbling, "so unfeminine".  
  
Max was not in the least bit amused, "We can't all be as feminine as you Alec" she said with a sarcastic smile.  
  
Alec looked at his wife. She was wearing a pale yellow sun dress with blue and powder pink flowers on it. It fell right above her knees. Her black curls were tied back behind her with a blue ribbon. Some trendils of hair had escaped the ribbon, and were now gracefully falling around her face. She looked young. Like a small porcelain doll that someone had added a little belly to as an after thought. "You do look pretty though, you've got that whole pregnant woman glow working for you" he said walking over to her and brushing some of the hair out of her face. He left his hand on her cheek, and brought up his other hand, resting on her other cheek. He leaned down and kissed her softly.  
  
She kissed him back, then pulled back and smiled. He could be so charming when he wanted to be, "You are forgiven" she said.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
When Alec woke, he heard rain lightly falling on their roof. He waited a moment before opening his eyes. It was a gray morning, the room was dark. He moved to get up, sticking his foot out from under their thick down blankets. His foot was kissed by icy air, and he quickly brought his foot back into the warmth of their bed. He rolled over looking at Max. Her dark curls formed a veil over the smooth skin of her face. She lay peaceful in sleep. He brought a hand over to brush back her hair so he could look down at her face.  
  
Alec decided that he definitely liked Max best when she was sleeping. She looked only of peace, and not of troubles that plagued her when awake. Plus, she insulted him less. He wrapped his arms around her, and brought the blanket tightly around them, protecting them against the cold. A soft noise escaped Max's lips as she awoke. She yawned and moved a bit in his arms. "Alec, what time is it" she asked quietly.  
  
"Seven thirty" he said back, closing his eyes trying to slip back into the peacefulness of sleep.  
  
"You're gonna be late for work" Max said softly.  
  
"I don't want to go to work" Alec said in a voice that resembled that of a young child telling his mother he did not wish to go to school. He was reluctant to leave the warmth provided by Max and the pile of blankets.  
  
"Okay" Max purred softly into his ear. "You can come shopping for baby stuff with me and Zack" she told him.  
  
Now here arose an interesting choice. Leave the warmth of his home and go to work, or stay here for most likely ten more minutes at the most, and go shopping with Zack and Max. Well, he figured he might as well have a say in the things that they bought. "Yeah okay" he said burying his face in her hair.  
  
"Okay, let's get up" Max said. Alec groaned. "Oh don't whine so much, rise and shine now, come on." Max said attempting to rise from bed. Alec held onto her though, refusing to let her go. "Alec, let go, we are getting up" she said sternly.  
  
"Come on Maxie, some of us need our sleep" Alec said in a whine.  
  
Max froze and tensed at his words. The sounded so familiar that it hurt, but she couldn't help remembering.  
  
FLASHBACK;  
  
"Come on Maxie, some off us need our sleep, we're not all like you ya know" Ben said coming out of sleep.  
  
"I know, but I can't sleep" she whispered softly to him.  
  
Be responded by scooting over in his bed and lifting up the blanket for her to crawl under. She did so happily. She closed her eyes and sighed. Her bed always seemed cold, or lumpy, of stiff. Ben's bed was always warm and soft and welcoming.  
  
Present;  
  
Max quickly jumped out of bed. Alec opened his eyes and stared at her. "What's wrong Max?" he asked her.  
  
"Nothing, nothing's wrong" she said. He didn't believe her. She stood hunched over a little bit. Her hair fell in her face, and stuck to her mouth. Her long white night gown graced the floor, beautifully framing her pregnant form. "It's just time to get up" she said.  
  
Some how Alec got the feeling that something was bothering her. But if she didn't want to talk about it, then Alec knew it was pointless to try to get her to open up to him. Alec mad a small groaning noise as he left his warm bed was chilled by the cold air. "I hate the cold" he protested softly.  
  
"Alec, your genetically engineered and trained to tolerate extreme temperatures. Why must you be such a baby when it's a little chilly?" Max asked.  
  
Alec didn't answer. He just got down on the ground and began his pushups. Max rolled her eyes, some things never change. she went into the bath room.  
  
She looked in the mirror at herself. She took a deep breath and backed up into the wall as she smelled him. She shook her head, trying to ignore it but it was there. The scent of her dead brother. That good old scent of happiness and sunshine. Of hope and care and love. It filled the room, it was everywhere.  
  
Why must he continue to haunt her. She wanted to be alone. She loved him, and she missed him terribly, but she needed to be normal, for Alec, and for Zack. she saw how Zack continued to look at her, with concern and worry. And when he thought she wasn't paying attention, he got the look. Every time she spaced out or looked off for a moment he got the look. The look full of fear. Fear that he was loosing her, fear that she would break like a china doll.  
  
She walked back over to the sink, and turned on the water. She rinsed her face with some cold water. She looked up into the mirror again. She dried her face off with a hand towel, and ran her silver comb through her hair. She began to brush her teeth. She could do this. She could get through the day and be normal. Well, as normal as an X5 could be. She took a deep breath, out on a big smile, and went out into the living room.  
  
She sat on the couch next to Zack, who was already up, dressed, and watching the news. "You guys are so boring. There is way more interesting things on then the news" Alec said coming into the room. He was wearing a pair of dark blue corduroys, and had no shirt on yet. Max noticed that he was wearing a pair of bright red socks. She shook her head. "What?" he asked, noticing that she was looking at him weird.  
  
"Nothing" she said. She got up and went back into her room to get dressed. Alec followed her into their room and put on a gray shirt. Max but on a long sleeve black shirt and a pair of blue overalls. She turned to find Alec looking at her. "What?" she asked him.  
  
"Nothing, you just look like such a.. a.. never mind" he said shaking his head.  
  
"No what" she said putting her hands on her hips and glaring at him. She tapped a foot on the floor, and raised her eyebrows up. Alec laughed at her. This just made Max angry. "what is so amusing?" she asked annoyed.  
  
"Well, it's just, I mean your Max. Tough chick Max. And your standing there six months pregnant, wearing overalls. And to top it off, we're going shopping for baby things. It's just kind of funny" he said with a cute little Alec smile.  
  
Max was not won over by his small smile though. She walked over to him and smacked his head. "First of all, you got me pregnant. Second of all, you got me these overalls. And last, the baby has got to have something to wear, sleep on, and play with" she said angry.  
  
"Okay" Alec said, "First of all, WE got you pregnant. Second of all, are you sure I bought you those overalls, it doesn't seem like something I would do. And last, well, okay, the baby does need stuff. You got me there, but still, it is kind of funny" he said.  
  
"You did buy me these overalls for the record" Max said. "And there's nothing funny about it. Next time, you can get pregnant" she glared.  
  
"Actually, I can't" he said. "I'm fairly certain that it's impossible for a male to get pregnant" he said smiling.  
  
"Oh I'm sure our old buddies back at Manticore could find a way" Max said.  
  
"you know, I don't think I really want to have another kid" he said back. "I mean, I never saw myself having any children, one is going to be more then enough".  
  
"Oh, well I'm sorry for getting pregnant. I'm sorry for.." she started to cry, "For making you settle down. I'm sorry for ruining your life, I'm sorry for letting you out of Manticore, I'm sorry for everything. EVERYTHING" she turned and walked over to the window ad looked outside.  
  
"What?" Alec said confused, "Where did that come from? One minute I thought we were joking around, and the next your yelling at me" he said walking over. "Listen Max, I'm sorry. This wasn't my plan, that's true enough, but that doesn't mean I'm upset that it turned out like this" he said putting a hand on her shoulder.  
  
She brushed his hand away, and went over to the door of their room, "I am going to be with my brother. He enjoys my company. And we are going to buy stuff for this child inside of me who is so unwanted by her father. Because it's not her fault that your a stupid immature child" she spat out at him. She stomped out of the room.  
  
Alec let out an exasperated sigh and stood still for a few moments. He took a deep breath and went out into the living room, Max was siting on the couch with her arms wrapped around Zacks neck, crying into his chest. Zack had his arms wrapped around her, and was rubbing her back, attempting to pacify her. "What did you say to her?" Zack said glaring at him.  
  
"Who knows what I said this time" Alec said. Everything he said had been making her mad lately.  
  
"Oh you know what you said" Max said turning and glaring at him. She turned back to Zack, "I'm gonna get my shoes on, lets go" Max said to Zack.  
  
"Um, Max there's not that many stores open this early in the morning" Zack said.  
  
"Max, Come on, I'm sorry, now I'm coming with you" Alec said.  
  
"What ever" she said. "Zack come on, it's already eight, we can get breakfast on the way. We'll go and sit down in some restaurant. Alec can wait in the car" she said. "Now, I'm going to wait in the car" she said and walked outside.  
  
Zack stood up and crossed his arms over his chest, and glared at him. "Alec, she's pregnant, is it to much to ask for you to be nice to her?" He said in an angry tone.  
  
Alec shook his head and crossed his arms, "Everything I say upsets her. I'm apparently just a stupid immature child" he said.  
  
"I heard" Zack said, "Any ways, come on, if your coming. I don't like Max waiting our there in he cold" he grabbed is jacket on his way out.  
  
"Are you sure you want us to do this shopping with you?" Zack was saying to Max as Alec climbed into the back seat of the car. "Andrea would probably be better company for this type of thing. Plus, she seems to know an awful lot about these types of things" he finished.  
  
"Andrea is eight and a half months pregnant, and prefers to stay home" Max said. And she knows about these things because she has another child. she figured it out on her own the first time, so can I. Here that Alec, she's going to have two children. I think maybe I'd like two children, or three, or maybe even four" she said.  
  
"Four?" Alec choked out the word. Four children. Four....  
  
"Oh she's just trying to scare you, you moron" Zack said. He started the car and they drove off.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
. 


	18. Somthing wonderful

Chapter 18............Somthing wonderful  
  
She was pregnant. Very pregnant. They were expecting her to deliver her baby two weeks ago. But here she stood, pregnant, sipping a lemonade, while watching Alec curse while attempting to put together a baby crib. She looked over at Andrea, who was just trying not to laugh. Andrea looked over at her and they exchanged a glance. "Mark, why don't you just let George or Francis help you" Andrea suggested in her heavily Irish accented voice.  
  
Max shook her head, "Don't even try to suggest it" Max said. "We've had that crib for about three months now, he started to put it together the day we got it" she told the red headed woman.  
  
"Come on Cammy, let's go sit in the living room and play with the babe" Andrea suggested. Max nodded and followed the other woman into the living room, where Zack and George were sitting with Andrea's baby.  
  
Zack was holding the baby, and Andrea's four year old son, John, sat next to him. "Cammy" he said when Max came into the room, "Look, a baby, so cute, come, hold it, her" he said. Zack wasn't really fond of kids. Though, John seemed to like Zack.  
  
Max took the baby from her brothers arms, and looked down at the little girl. She had a small feathery bit of red hair on her. Her skin was a pale creamy color, and she already had the smallest dust of freckles over her noes, which was right under a pair of bright green eyes. "Andrea she really looks like you" Max said looking up at the mother. The baby's name was Julia, named after Andrea's mother. Max handed the baby over to Andrea, who happily cooed to her child.  
  
"God damn son of a-" they could here Alec yelling from the baby room. After a moment he came out into the living room. "Max, our baby doesn't really need a crib, does she?" he asked smiling.  
  
"Yes she most certainly does" Max said putting her hands on her hips.  
  
"But we have that cradle thing" Alec whined.  
  
Max shook her head, "Okay, that's it. You had a chance, you can't do it. Francis, George" she said. The two Men stood up and went in to the room.  
  
"Max, come on" Alec said. Max just shook her head. Alec pouted and plopped down on the couch next to the small boy. Max had noticed that though Zack wasn't to fond of children, Alec seemed to get along with them fine. She told herself that it was probably because he was on the same maturity level with them. "They don't respect me at all" he said to the little boy, who smiled up at him. Max lowered herself down on to the couch next to Alec, and leaned her head on his shoulder.  
  
"Oh Max, your already tired and you haven't even had your babe yet" Andrea said. Max pouted. She never used to get tired, she could go days without sleep, and even then she only needed a couple hours. But for the last four or so months of her pregnancy, she had just been exhausted the whole time.  
  
"Oh I'll be fine as soon this the child gets out of my belly" Max said.  
  
"Or so you think" Andrea informed her "but that little girl is gonna have you up all night every night until she becomes a toddler, then she'll have you running circles chasing her around the house" She said smiling. Max and Alec groaned. Alec rested his head on Max's. "Do you want to hold the baby Mark?" Andrea asked Alec.  
  
"Uh... I don't really hold babies" Alec said. As the words left his mouth, he regretted them.  
  
Max and Andrea both looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "Well you better start holding them because this baby is coming out of me any day now" Max said in an angry tone.  
  
"Okay, I'll hold the baby" Alec said. He stood up and took the baby from Andrea. The weight of the baby in his arms made him feel uncomfortable. Like he would drop her. "Are you happy now" Alec glared at the two women.  
  
"Yes" Max said smiling.  
  
Andrea laughed at them, "You guys will argue over anything wont you" she said with a grin.  
  
Max smiled, "yeah, we really do" she said.  
  
Zack and George came out into the living room, a satisfied grin danced upon Zacks face. "We are done" he informed them.  
  
Alec frowned and pouted a bit, "I could of done it" he said, "you guys were just rushing me." he defended himself.  
  
"Sure you could" Max said smiling sweetly. Alec walked over and sulked in a corner, mumbling down to the baby how he never got any respect.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
From the moment Max had entered the hospital, half delirious from a painful contraction, she smelled him. And as she was brought to the delivery room, she thought she saw him. Standing in the door way to another room, smiling at her lightly. She had turned back, expecting him to be gone, but he remained there, she said his name, not being able to help it, but no one seemed to notice.  
  
She lay half asleep now. Looking at Alec holding their baby, standing by the window. This should of been a happy moment, there was her husband, holding the small little bundle that was her baby. And she was a beautiful baby to. Her skin was a creamy tan shade, and she had dark eyes like Max. And she did bring Max joy, as did the look on Alecs face as he stared down at their child. But she felt a great sadness. Her brothers presence continued to haunt her, no matter how hard she tried to put him behind her. She had to fight not to cry. She was glad that Alec though she was asleep, he was paying to much attention to the baby to notice the sadness in her face.  
  
She wanted to get out of bed and go back the room she had seen Ben at. As much as she was trying to push him away, there was still a part of her that wanted him back, that didn't care if she was crazy. Now more then ever. She wanted Ben to be here, she wanted him to hold her baby and to tell her stories about the good place. She needed him. Nothing compared to the pain of killing Ben that day. Not even when she had chose to send Zack to that farm. It had been painful, but Zack was still alive. She allowed herself to slip into an uneasy sleep after a while, hoping that the sleep would ease the pain. When she woke up, she was alone.  
  
"Alec, Zack?" she said into the empty room, to make sure no one was there. Her baby slept in one of the hospital baby beds in the corner of her room. Max climbed out of the bed, and walked over to see her child. It was dark, but she could see better in the dark any ways. She smiled at the baby, thinking happily to herself about how beautiful she was. She ran a finger over the baby's soft cheek, "I'll be right back love" she said, and tip toed out of the room.  
  
She was lucky, the halls were empty, except for the figure of a man. As she walked towards the man, she realized it was Ben, and he as still standing outside the same room. "Ben?" she said softly. He disappeared. "Ben" she said louder. Nothing. "Ben" she sobbed out his name, but he wasn't there anymore. She looked at the door to the room. She should leave. She should turn around and leave. She knocked softly on the door. No answer.  
  
She shook her head. She really had lost it. The room was probably empty But there was a chart hanging on the little space by the door. She picked it up and looked at it. John Doe. Admitted nearly two years earlier, with severe neck wounds. Had been in a coma, but they couldn't figure out why. Neck wounds had healed, and there was no apparent head injuries. Max put the chart back, and stepped away.  
  
It couldn't be. It had to be a coincidence. What were the odds? A billion to one. She slowly opened the door, keeping her eyes tightly shut. A soft beeping sound moving with a heart beat hit her ears. She stepped into the room keeping her eyes shut, until she hit a bed. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes.  
  
She nearly crumpled to the ground when her eyes fell upon his face. His smooth pale beautiful face. His dark eyelashes fell in an almost feminine fashion on his cheeks, and his light brown hair fell in bangs in his forehead. He looked much paler then she remembered, and his full pink lips were chapped. She resisted the urge to run her hand across his face. This wasn't real. It couldn't be. It was just another delusion. It had to be. She had killed Ben, she had felt him die in her arms. He was dead.  
  
So was Zack, but they brought him back an off part of her mind whispered. And if Lydecker did bring him back, he would have wanted to send him away. Max knew that that much was true. Lydecker had some sick twisted fatherly love for them, and wouldn't of wanted Ben to receive the fate that would have awaited him. If he had been found some how alive, then Lydecker would of sent him as far away a possible.  
  
But there was almost a zero chance that Ben was alive. Zack. She had to find Zack. If Zack saw Ben, then it would be real. Her enhanced hearing heard a baby cry down the hall. Her maternal instincts took over her little girl instincts, and she quickly raced back to her room.  
  
The babies face was wrinkled up as soft tears ran down her cheek. "Shhh" she whispered, "Mommy's here" she said and picked up the baby. She looked at the clock on the wall. She was wrong, it wasn't night, it was morning. She looked out the window and saw that sure enough the sun was rising. It was already Seven o clock. Max wondered how long she had stared at Ben, or who she thought was Ben.  
  
Max walked back over and settled down on the hospital bed, and began to breast feed her baby. "Poor Morgaine" she said to the child. "You'll grow up with a crazy Mom, and a Dad that calls your Morgana and has the maturity of a twelve year old" she smiled.  
  
"I heard that" Alec said walking around the corner. He came over, kissed Max on the cheek, then kissed the baby on her head. Max smiled up at him, and he kissed her sweetly on the mouth. Max scooted over a little and Alec sat on the bed next to her. She leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder.  
  
"How cute" Max looked up and saw Zack standing at the foot of the bed. "A nurse told me that you're being released today" he said smiling.  
  
"Zack" Max said urgently. Zack, you have to see something. She pulled the baby away, and little Morgaine made a soft noise of protest. Max pulled her gown up, and handed the baby to Alec. She got out of the bed and handed the baby to Alec.  
  
"What is going on?" Alec asked confused.  
  
"If I'm right, then you'll know soon enough" Max said. "Please Alec, just wait here" she pleaded with him. He finally nodded his head after a moment. Max grabbed Zacks arm and pulled him out of the room and down the hall, until they were outside of the room that had the man Max thought was Ben.  
  
"Max what is going on?" Zack asked. Max didn't answer, she opened the door and tried to pull Zack inside, "Max, I'm not going in to this strangers room" Zack protested.  
  
"Zack please, just please" Max begged him.  
  
He let her pull him into the room. He looked at the unconscious man laying in the bed and gasped. "Oh my god" he said. He quickly walked over to the brother, and placed a hand on his shoulder. He needed to be sure this was real.  
  
"Zack you see him, you see him don't you" Max asked. Zack didn't answer her. He couldn't think of anything but his brother who was alive. Alive and in front of him. "Please Zack. Please, tell me I'm not crazy, tell me he's there" she said through tears.  
  
Zack looked back at his crying sister. She looked small and young again. Like she was an inch away from breaking. Zack grabbed her hand and pulled her to stand next to him. He placed her hand on Ben's white cheek, "He's real Maxie" Zack whispered, afraid that if he would say it, then Ben would disappear. But he didn't,  
  
Max threw her arms around Zacks neck and began to cry into his chest. "It's Ben" she said through tears. Zack rubbed her back comfortingly, until she pulled away to look at Ben again. She leaned down and touched her full lips against Ben's forehead. She grabbed on of his limp hands in her and began to stroke it. "It's Ben" she kept repeating. Zack rested a hand on Max's shoulder, and his other hand on Ben's.  
  
"What are you doing in here" the old tight voice of a woman said behind them. Max and Zack both turned to see a small woman that looked to be in her late forties. She had her hands on her hips, and was taping a foot.  
  
"This is my brother" Max said quietly.  
  
"Her brother in law" Zack said when he saw the skeptical look of the woman. "He disappeared almost two years ago, and we hadn't seen him since. Now we know why" He lied. "It's true, her husbands down the hall, you wont be able to deny the family resemblance" he said.  
  
"I'll make that decision for myself" the woman said. "I f you know this man, do you feel like giving him a name?" the woman asked.  
  
"His name his Ben. Ben Pierce" Max said softly.  
  
"Okay, well why don't you take me to see this husband of yours, just to be safe" The womans face softened slightly. "I hope your telling the truth though. It breaks my heart to see such a nice looking young man in this condition. and with know one to claim him" she mumbled to herself. Max nodded and led the woman to her room. The woman took one look at Alec and nodded, "Well you're right, there's no denying the family resemblance" the woman said. "Okay, visit the room, it will be nice to have a name for this man" she said leaving the room.  
  
"Max, what is going on?" Alec said after the nurse left.  
  
"Oh Alec" she said, her face broke into a grin, now being able to accept the greatness of the situation, "something wonderful has happened" she said. She took the baby from Alecs arm and motioned for him to follow her and Zack.  
  
When he walked into the room, he nearly turned and ran. There he was. The infamous Ben. The good twin, at least that's how everyone else seemed to see him. Of course Max and Zack both seemed to be over looking the fact that there was a psychotic killer laying in this bed. "So this is your beloved brother" Alec said.  
  
Max nodded. "This is Ben" she said. she handed the baby back to Alec. She unclasped the golden chain that hung around her neck. She gently put it around Ben's neck. "And he's alive" she said.  
  
Alec looked at the man that had caused his life nothing but pain. He was alive all right. But he appeared to be in some sort of coma. Who knew if he'd ever come out of it? He didn't want to say any of this to Max though. She looked to happy. Alec looked down at his baby. He wondered if Max would still even want to be with him. Maybe she just kept him around because he filled in a gap that Ben's absence had created. Max leaned against him and put a hand on their baby's stomach, and smiled up at Alec.  
  
Well, he wasn't forgotten yet.  
  
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A/N- Ben's reappearance will be explained more thoroughly in the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy this. La la la. And Mickey, if you are reading this, Damn you!! you said you wouldn't read this one;) Lovies to all  
  
  
  
  
  
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	19. After

Chapter 19...............After  
  
A/N-Okay, the answers to some questions that were asked. First of all, when Alec was thinking that Max kept him around as a sort of a replacement Ben, it wasn't meant to suggest that Max was in love with Ben. It was supposed to show Alec's insecurities in the Ben area. you know, the whole, 'what if she still looks at me and sees Ben' type of thing. And second of all, Andrea and George don't know the real identities of Max, Zack, and Alec, I'm just kind of stupid, and made some mistakes in the last chapter. I can't think of anymore questions at the moment, but I might answer some more at the end of this chapter. So here it is, Ben probably wont wake up yet, but he will be in it. I hope you all enjoy reading it. And please review a lot so I know I made the right decision with the whole Ben thing. Oh, and sorry for the wait, but I'm also writing my other fic, which is giving me a much harder time then it was supposed to. I'm currently not on speaking terms with it, for it has angered me.  
  
Review review review!!!!!!!!  
  
Max looked down at Ben. She was alone with him now, Zack and Alec were getting her things ready to leave the hospital, and they had let her have a moment alone with her thought to be dead brother. She didn't know what this meant. Was she sane then? Was Ben actually there with her when she had been talking to him? Was she not crazy at all? She shook her head. no. Even she, who wanted desperately to be normal couldn't try to believe that the Ben she had been talking to was actually Ben's misplaced spirit. It was inconceivable. Not to mention all the other things. She had more then once been absolutely sure that Alec was Ben. She had even had sex with Alec without even being aware of it. those are not the actions of a sane person.  
  
But that didn't matter now. None of it did. Ben was here. She could reach out and touch him. And he was alive. Conscious? No. But alive? Yes. She reached out and cupped his cheek in her hand. His skin, though an unhealthy shade of pale, was still soft. she ran his fingers through his hair, which without proper attention had gone flat, and grown out to a longer length, like Alec's. She gently ran her fingers over the soft skin of his eyelids. She wondered what was happening in his mind right now. She wondered if he was dreaming, or if he was in a land of dark emptiness.  
  
She shuddered at the though of her brother being consumed by emptiness. He looked beautiful, as Max knew he always would, but he looked unhealthy. Malnourished. He looked thin and pale, lacking the color that had once danced across his face. She dreamed of him waking up, and making big meals for him to nurse him back to health. Of siting with him in the sunlight with him, watching as color slowly returned to his skin.  
  
What if he never wakes up? the unwanted thought echoed in her brain and haunted her thoughts. She couldn't bear the thought. When she had thought she had killed him, a part of her had died with him. She had slowly gone crazy. She knew that if he was given to her, only to be taken again, that there would be nothing slow about loosing her mind. She knew that the sanity she had been clinging to lately would simply snap, and she would recover again. Not even with Alec, Zack, and Her newly born daughter holding her to the ground. If she lost Ben again, she would simply loose it, and a part of her mind, a part that she tried to block out, knew that she wouldn't want to come out of it again.  
  
Tears began to form in her eyes as she thought of it. She took Ben's hand and held it between her own. "I'm sorry" she said softly, still trying to hold back her sobs. "I'm sorry for killing you. I'm sorry for running away. For not being strong enough to save you. I'm sorry for allowing them to do what ever has been done to make you like this" she held his hand up to her face, and pressed it against her cheek. "I'm sorry I failed you when you needed me. But please Ben, please don't leave me again" she was unable to hold back the tears any longer, and her body was soon shuddering with sobs. "I'll fight for you this time" she promised him. She moved her face near him and kissed his cheek softly.  
  
She heard a soft knock at the door, and quickly dropped his hand and began to dry her tears.  
  
Zack walked in a moment later. Alec was behind him with the baby. Max walked up to Zack and threw her arms around his neck, burying her face in his chest. He rubbed her back gently in what had become a comfortable movement. He thought back to the first time she had hugged him. He had been posing as Sam. She had hated him, not that she had given him a fair chance, but she had been rude to him that whole day. Thinking back on the day though, he recalled being pretty annoying. But when she found out it was him, everything had changed. He could remember the look on her face when she was asking why he hadn't told her. but she didn't care anymore. she hadn't cared because of who he was. She had thrown her arms around him in a hug. A hug. He hadn't seen her for a decade, but she hugged him any ways.  
  
He had Ben shocked, and didn't know how to react. so he did the only thing one could do when a beautiful woman threw her arms around them. He hugged her back. It was as awkward as could be expected. Zack wasn't exactly used to hugging people. But they way she had hugged him, with such unconditional love, had sparked something up inside of him. She had felt so small and warm against him. He had immediately wanted to be able to protect her, shield her against all evil in the world. More so then the other X5s. It was at that moment that he had fallen in love with her.  
  
But that wasn't what she needed, not from him. She needed him as her big brother, and that's how he would be. "Shh, come on Max, you can come back latter, the hospitals been instructed to contact us if there's any change. Let's go home" he said.  
  
She looked up at him, and nodded her head. She kept an arm around his waist, and he kept an arm around her shoulder, leading her out of the gray hospital room. Alec walked behind them, holding Morgaine. He felt slightly out of place. Max and Zack and Ben had something that he would never be able to touch. He looked down at the baby he cradled in his arms. Dark brown eyes looked up at him. He still found himself amazed every time he looked at this small child. She looked like Max, a lot like Max, well, as much as a baby could. But she also resembled Alec. And he couldn't seem to stop looking at her. He was in aww. Amazed.  
  
He heard continuing to sniff, as her tears continued to fall. He almost wished that Ben hadn't been alive. He felt horrible for feeling like that, but if Ben was alive, why would she need Alec? Zack would leave evntualy, Alec knew this. And so did Max. Alec ofton felt like she just kept him around so she wouldn't be alone. But if Ben woke up, then Ben might stay. And Max wouldn't be alone. But no. Alec wouldn't leave, and he wouldn't let Max leave. They had a baby. Ben's presence wouldn't change that. He felt like an idiot for being so insecure. Max loved him, she had said so.  
  
He sped up his steps a little so that he was walking next to Max now. "You feeling okay" he asked her tenderly.  
  
She looked up at him. Her face was slightly stained with tears, but she wasn't crying at the moment. Her lips formed a soft smile, "yeah" she said quietly. "Let me hold our baby Alec" she said. Her voice sounded like that of a child, asking to hold her new baby sister. Not the voice of a woman, telling her husband to hand over the baby. He nodded anyway, glad that she seemed to of remembered her child. Her carefully gave her the baby.  
  
She looked down at the small bundle with an expression that was nearly identical to the one that Alec had had a moment before. Something flashed across her face as she appeared to remember something important. As she moved the baby in her arms so that she could see the back of her neck, Alec realized what she had thought of. He was ready to scold himself for not thinking of it sooner. Truth be told, he had almost forgot about his own barcode, and the thought of the baby having one hadn't even occurred to him. Why would she have one. this baby, unlike Max and Alec, was not created in a test tube. She let out a sigh of relief as she saw the smooth flawless skin on the back of her neck. She looked up at Alec and smiled. Their baby may end up being stronger, smarter, faster and may have other amazing abilities, but she would have nothing on her neck telling people why.  
  
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Alec opened his eyes to the morning light. He felt warm and happy. He rolled over to find Max missing, he let out a small sigh of disappointment. Morgaine however slept peacefully like the infant she was at his side. He put his hand on her stomach, and stroked her face. He couldn't seem to accept the fact he was a father, it all seemed so strange. It had been exactly two weeks since she was born, yet he still couldn't get over it. "Oh Morgana, do you have any idea where your mother is? I fear that she has abandoned us" he said quietly. But a moment latter he heard the musical sound of Max's laughter from the other room, and remembered that now that she was no longer pregnant, she was back to not sleeping much.  
  
"Well," he said to the sleeping baby, "We still need sleep don't we" he closed his eyes, and attempted to go back to sleep.  
  
His attempt at more sleep only lasted about five minutes, at which point Max came in the room, "Alec, I know your awake, now get up and spend time with us" she said. He continued to pretend to sleep. He was a very strong believer in sleeping in on Saturdays. "Alec, get up" she said again. Once again he didn't move. She sat on the bed next to him, and turned him onto his back. She rubbed his chest with her hands, and leaned her face down, so that lips were almost touching his ear. Her breath was warm on his skin, "Alec, Zack said he'd take Morgaine on a walk with him, I thought we could spend some time together" she said seductively.  
  
Alec opened his eyes quickly and moved his hand to her waist. She kissed him sweetly on the mouth, then lifted her head up to look at him. "Good morning sunshine" she said smiling, "Now that your awake, come have breakfast" she said. She stood up, and walked to the other side of the be, and picked up the baby.  
  
"Zack isn't going on a walk, is he" Alec asked catching on.  
  
"Nope" she said shaking her head. She gently put the baby in the bassinet in the corner of their room.  
  
Alec jumped out of bed, wearing only his boxers, and ran over to the door, shutting it before she could go back into the living room. He placed his hands on her waist and pulled her to him, he kissed her right below her ear, then said, "We could be very quiet" in a mischievous tone.  
  
Max put a hand on the back of his neck, and began to kiss him from his collar bone to his ear, "I guess maybe" she said quietly. Alec smiled and kissed her mouth devouring her mouth with his own. He playfully lifted her off the ground, and she slipped her legs around his waist. She laughed softly into his mouth, then pulled back and looked down into his eyes. She moved her hands up to hold his face. She stroked his cheeks with her thumbs, "Your beautiful, you know that?" she said quietly to him.  
  
He smiled his cocky grin, "Yup, I'm quite the catch" he said. "Your not to bad looking yourself" He added.  
  
"And they say romance is dead" she said smiling and shaking her head at him. She went back to kissing him, and Alec moved them towards the bed, until they fell onto it, with Alec on top, slowly trailing kisses down Max's neck. Max ran her hands through Alecs feathery hair. Alec ran a hand over the silky skin of her back, under her shirt. She pulled his head back up to her face, and kissed the corner of his mouth. She ran a finger over his full pink lips, that were now swollen slightly from their kissing. "I lo-" her words were cut off by the sudden cries of the baby. They both let out a disappointed groan. Alec was reluctant to move off of her. "Come on Alec, give it up, it just wasn't meant to be this morning" she said pushing him off of her to go tend to the baby.  
  
"So, what's the plan for today" Alec said crossing his legs in front of him, and resting his head on his hands.  
  
Max came back to the bed with the baby, and began to feed her, "Well, I thought we would have breakfast, and I wanted to go to the hospital to visit Ben today, but that will only be for a little while" she said. Alec nodded, it had been a few days since she had visited Ben. "And I thought maybe we could go on a walk, to the park or something. I don't know, I'm not really to knowledgeable on what families are supposed to do, what do you think?" she said.  
  
"Park sounds good. Ice cream sounds better" Alec said with a grin, he raised an eyebrow, "and ya know what sounds even better then ice cream?" he asked.  
  
"There is a freezer full of ice cream, we don't need to go out for that. Hopefully this sun will remain today so we can go to the park after I visit Ben. And the other thing, well, we'll see about that" she said. "Now, you go make breakfast" she smiled.  
  
"Can I make anything I want?" he asked with a suspicious smile.  
  
"As long as it's not ice cream" she responded.  
  
"Damn" he said. He pulled himself out of bed, and put on some pants. "I'm off to do the slave work" He walked out of the bedroom, into the living room. Zack was sitting on the couch, wearing only jeans, like Alec, reading the paper, and drinking coffee. "Good morning Zack" Alec said pleasantly.  
  
"Morning" Zack grunted slightly less pleasantly. Alec had noticed that since Ben showed up, Zack had restarted the whole dark and sad thing, and fell deeply back into the whole over protective big brother thing. Alec missed the Zack that had become his buddy. Now he knew that every time Zack looked at him, all he saw was Ben. It was hoe Max used to look at him. Alec was really beginning to hate Ben, not that he had ever met the guy. Max paints him out to be a saint, besides the whole phsyco killer thing.  
  
"Wanna help me make breakfast?" Alec asked trying to get Zack to talk to him, or joke or something.  
  
Zack looked up and stared at him with a duh look, "Look who your talking too, how often do I volunteer to cook?" he said.  
  
"You gonna to visit Ben with Max today?" Alec asked. Zack nodded, he was back to reading his news paper, ignoring Alec. This made Alec angry. He didn't like to be ignored, and he had felt extremely neglected by everyone since Ben reappeared. "So, what do ya think for breakfast, Eggs? Fruit salad? pancakes?" he said trying to get the attention of Zack again.  
  
Zack just shrugged. Max however, who had been listening in on their conversation, if you could call it that, called out "Fruit salad".  
  
Alec groaned a little Since he had been with Max, he always had to eat healthy things. Like fruit, and vegetables. He was willing to bet that they didn't even have chips in the house at the moment. "Okay love" he called back. Maybe if he flaunted the fact that he had Max, and Zack didn't, then the guy would get so angry that he would feel the need to yell at Alec. At least then he'd be acknowledging his presence. But he knew that wouldn't happen. Zack was used to the idea that Max was with Alec, and even if he did get really mad, it was more likely that he would just go on a walk or something. Alec sulked and walked into the kitchen to make a fruit salad.  
  
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"Zack?" Max said breaking the cold silence of the room. She sat in a chair by the hospital bed, her hand covering Ben's. Zack stood next to her, with a hand resting on her shoulder. Alec stood in a corner of the room, leaning against the wall. He had Morgaine in a baby carrier strapped to his chest. It looked out of place on him. He still had that happy go lucky bachelor look to him. But he had a finely sculpted hand resting on the baby's bed, looking down on her with love.  
  
"Yes Max?" Zack responded softly. He gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze.  
  
Max took a deep breath, trying to find the strength to put it to words what had been plaguing her since they first stumbled upon Ben. "Zack, what if he doesn't wake up?" she choked out the words.  
  
"He'll wake up" Zack said flatly. "He has to" Some emotion escaped into his word this time. "He's strong. An X5, like us. He'll wake up. They made us good" He told her. Max reached her free hand up and put it over Zacks. She returned her gaze to Ben. The nine year old told her that if she put her fingers over his nose and cut off his breathing, then he would wake up. She was tempted to, and she probably would if it wasn't for the fact that that same part of her was saying that she could then climb into bed with him and listen to stories about the good place.  
  
Another thought occurred to her. "Zack, what if he wakes up, and starts killing people again?" Max asked now distressed with this thought. She had immediately assumed that Ben would wake up and be, well, Ben. But as she thought about it further, she realized that it was more likely that he was still crazy. But she analyzed it further and remembered their last fight. His heart hadn't been in it. And the way he had broken down before that. And right before he 'died'. He had looked up at her with those Ben eyes and-  
  
Her thoughts were cut off by Zack, "Then we'll get him help. Or we'll help him" Zack told her. "It doesn't matter how he comes back. It's still Ben, and if it's Ben, then he'll be able to get better" he walked in front of her and kneeled on the ground in front of her, "Max, no matter what, you have to remember, it's Ben" he said this slowly and deliberately.  
  
He reached out a hand and brushed a stray curl that had escaped her braid out of her face. "She closed her eyes and sighed, "I know" she said in a tired voice. "I know, it's just, I want so badly for things to be right. I want to be nine again, and I want to have you and Ben the way we were then. I mean, sometimes I think Ben was right. Everything did make sense there. I had you guys, and Tinga was alive, and so was Eva, and... and Brin wasn't brain washed and I had everyone" she felt tears coming again, but she was able to hold them back this time.  
  
"Max you know as well as I do, that past us, nothing made sense there. For gods sake, we were just kids, and they held us under water for like five minutes" he said.  
  
"Oh oh," Alec interrupted them, "Five minutes and thirteen seconds" he said smiling, obviously proud of himself.  
  
Max glared at him. "I had four minutes and fifty five seconds" she said. He raised a cocky eyebrow. She looked down at Ben, and ran a hand over his cheek. "Ben had four minutes and fifty seven seconds. He used to taunt me with that" she told them sadly.  
  
Zack nodded, "I remember that" Zack said smiling. He got back to his feet and walked over to Alec. He leaned against the wall next tom him. He touched the baby's face, much in the way Max had just touched Ben.  
  
Max smiled at the two men and her baby. "you wanna hold her don't cha?" She said. Zack hadn't held the baby yet. Max just figured he didn't like babies and he would only hold her if he had too.  
  
But he took Max and Alec by surprise and nodded. "But you don't like babies" Alec said in a somewhat shocked tone.  
  
"But this is different" Zack said quietly. He looked over at Max, "those were other peoples babies, this is yours" he told her. She nodded towards Alec, signaling him to hand over the baby. Alec carefully took her out of the pack on his chest and delicately handed her to Zack. Zack held the baby out in front of him, looking down at her. His features softened as he looked at her. "She looks just like you Max" he commented.  
  
"That baby has been out of my uterus for two weeks, and your just now noticing how she looks like me?" Max said in a tone.  
  
"Well, I haven't really looked at her" he said. This didn't make Max any happier, she crossed her arms and glared at him. "What?" he asked. "I'm not a baby person okay" he defended himself. He looked back down at the child. "Any ways, as I was saying, she beautiful" he said.  
  
"Of course she is. She's may off spring" Alec said grinning. Max cleared her throat, "And of course she also has a beautiful mother" he said quickly.  
  
Max went back to paying attention to Ben. It worried both Alec and Zack that she seemed to be more concerned about Ben then her child. But they both realized that Ben was a very big deal to Max. And it's not as though she neglected their baby, it was just that when they were visiting Ben, she didn't seem to think about the baby as much. "He looks so peaceful" she commented to them, "Before, when he was different he didn't have any of the peace he had had before. But now, he just looks so much like the Ben I remember. Like any minutes, he's going to sit up and be all like, 'what's wrong this time Max' or 'can't sleep huh Maxie?'" She squeezed his hand in-between her two own. She noticed to herself how the skin on his hand was soft as it had always been when they were children. Soft and Gentle. She moved her attention back to his soft face. She put a hand on his cheek. It was so strange, to Max, Alec and Ben no longer held resemblance to each other. Now, Alec was her husband, father of her child, beautiful man who she loved. She looked at Ben and saw her big brother, to her his features remained that of a child's, untouched by time.  
  
She almost laughed at herself remembering how not too long ago she had mistaken Alec for Ben an embarrassing amount of times. That time seemed so long ago. Like a different life. A different reality. Yet it still remained a part of her. She felt her mind telling her that Ben was just in a peaceful sleep. She had actually seen him open his eyes and smile at her a few times now, but both times, she had closed her eyes, shook her head, and opened her eyes again too only realize that it was in her mind. She refused to let her self slip into the comfort that her mind offered her though. She had too much to loose now.  
  
She stroked the way too pale skin on his face with her thumb. Ben, she thought to herself, Ben I'm sorry. Wake up now. Please. As if in answer to her prayer, Max thought she saw his eyes move under his eyelids. She looked closely. It could just be her again. She squeezed his hand lightly, thinking she could warm up his cold skin. "Ben" she said hopefuly. This drew Zacks attention. He gave Alec the baby back, and walked over to Max, putting a hand on her shoulder, his eyes, however, were focused on Ben. She really hoped that the movement she had seen was just in her head. Zack was over here now, and Max would swear that his hand was shaking. Just ever so slightly. hardly noticeable, but it was.  
  
There, she saw it again. Zacks grip tightened on her shoulder, telling Max tat he saw it also. She felt the smallest twitch of one of Ben's fingers. She moved her hand away from his face, and rested it on his chest. She felt the strond steady beat of his heart. She wanted to hug him, rest her head on his chest, hear his heart beat. Se wanted to loudly say his name until he woke up. But she didn't. She sat patiently waiting in her chair. Waiting for her lost brother to wake up.  
  
He moved his heads position that he rested on his ear a little more. Max almost jumped up and started crying with joy over this movement. She looked up at Zack, his jaw was tightly clenched, and she saw a watery glaze coating his eyes. She brought her attention back to Ben. She felt his hand move again. And then it happened. His eyelids opened just the tiniest bit, before closing, blocking out the cruel light of the room. A moment later they opened again though, revealing the bright blue windows of his soul. She could tell as his eyes came into focus on her. Max's eyes grew wide, starring into his. If this wasn't real she didn't care anymore. His eyes were so blue, so sparkling with life. So bright. His lips curled up into a small smile, He opened his mouth to use his scratchy voice to say, "Max".  
  
A/A/N-Many of you have already heard about dark angel being canceled. It's awful and I can't stand the thought of it. How else are we supposed to see Jensen Ackles? here are some web sites you can go to.  
  
http://adinfinit.net/danation/  
  
http://www.savemyshow.com/shows/darkangel.htm  
  
http://savedarkangel.cjb.net/  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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	20. Awake

Chapter 20............ Awake  
  
Max actually gasped when Ben said her name. He said it with such love, such tenderness, like he had always said her name before.....  
  
She blinked, and a tear fell down her face, she sniffed. She was on the verge of laughing hysterically, or breaking down completely. He was still looking up at her, that old boyish smile still softly playing on his face, but she couldn't say anything. She didn't know what to do. She still had his hand in hers, and she squeezed it tightly. She felt Zack closer behind her, her back was touching his chest now, and she thanked the gods that he was there with her.  
  
"Ben" Zack said after it was made clear that max wasn't going to say anything anytime soon. "Are you all right?" he asked it in his old big brother/soldier way.  
  
Ben looked at Zack like he had just now seen him. "Zack" he said, "I'm fine, except my head hurts, and my neck hurts" Max shrank back in guilt at this statement. she wondered if he remembered what happened, "My whole body hurts actually" he said. He brought his free hand up to his face and rubbed his eyes. He looked at Max again, "Maxie, your hurting my hand" he told her.  
  
Max realized she was squeezing his hand very tight, and quickly let go. "I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to" she said. She felt the guilt of what had happened in the woods almost two years ago weigh down on her more then ever. And now she was hurting him. Zack put a hand on her shoulder, reminding her not to freak out.  
  
Ben scooted up on the bed, into a sitting position, and his attention was drawn to Alec for the first time. Alec was standing in the corner, whispering into Morgaines's ear, and rubbing her back, trying not to be noticed. "That's a little weird" Ben said looking at Alec.  
  
Max turned and looked at Alec, trying to see him how Ben was. She wondered how she would react if she had just lost nearly two years of her life, and saw some one who looked exactly like her in the room. She couldn't begin to understand what was going through his mind. She walked over to Alec and put a hand on his arm. "Ben, this is Alec, your Manticore twin brother" she said.  
  
Alec cleared his throat, "Uh.. hi." he said shifting awkwardly.  
  
"And who's the baby?" Ben said crossing his arms. Max almost laughed at this. He looked like Zack, sitting there with a concerned big brother look. This was all so strange. This was how she had always pictured meeting Ben again. Before she actually did. and now, now she didn't know what he remembered, she didn't know how he was alive, and she didn't know if he was still crazy.  
  
But he seemed okay. There was currently no sign of the lost boy in a killers body. "The baby is mine" Max said. Alec cleared his throat and looked at her. "And Alec's" she said it so softly, that had Ben not had enhanced hearing, he might not of been able to hear. But he did, and a look of confusion crossed is face. His brow furrowed, and his body visibly tensed as he gave Alec an unaprooveing stare. "We're a, kind of married" she told Ben.  
  
"Well, I honestly don't know what to say" Ben said. He continued to glare at Alec, then turned his gaze to Zack, "You let this happen?" he asked.  
  
Zack gave him a look, "I was on a farm with amnesia, I swear" he said. Ben looked even more confused.  
  
"Can I have a moment alone with Ben?" Max said upset at the idea that Zack could control her.  
  
"You mean I get to leave?" Alec said smiling. His smile quickly turned into a frown as Max gave him a threatening look. She hit his shoulder hard, and pointed at the door. Alec walked out with the expression of a scolded puppy.  
  
Zack looked a little more reluctant to leave. But after a few moments of that same warning look from Max, he nodded and left. Max went over to the bed and sat on the edge, facing him. "You okay Maxie?" Ben asked, a look of concern on his face.  
  
Max shook her head. "Am I okay? Am I okay? The question is Ben, are you okay" she said frustrated that he was acting so, so.... Well he wasn't acting like he had gone crazy, killed a bunch of people, and died, kind of, and was unconscious in a hospital bed for almost two years.  
  
"I already said, I'm fine" Ben stated simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
"Fine. FINE he says" Max said. "How could you possibly be fine? Ben, do you remember anything?" she asked, her voice a little louder then necessary. Ben looked down for a moment then nodded. "Ben I killed you. I know I did" she began to cry again as she voiced what had been running through her mind this whole time. "I snapped you neck, I heard it crack. Ben I killed you and you died in my arms. And now suddenly your back, and everything is fine? How Ben? How is everything fine?" she cried.  
  
"Well Max, I think it goes with out saying that I'm not dead, so you obviously didn't kill me" Ben said. Max was shaking her head still. "Max look at me, I'm here, alive. Listen I can't explain it either. I thought I was dead also. Until I woke up with an awful pain in my neck, in some ware house With Lydecker" Ben said. He was still looking down, at his hands.  
  
"And then what?" Max said after Ben stopped talking for a while. She looked at him, he moved his hand out and put it over hers, but still didn't look up.  
  
"Then he asked me where you were. So I said that you were way out of reach of his weasely hands. So then I asked him where I was, but he wouldn't tell me. But he did say that he would find you any ways, and that I wouldn't be able to help you when he did. So I of course started attacking him, telling him that he would be dead first" He paused for a moment, and finally looked at her. "I couldn't let him take you Max" he said. "But, I had over estimated myself, apparently I was still weak or something. Any ways there was this big dramatic thing with Lydecker telling me how he didn't want to hurt me, then he called me insane, then I felt more pain in my neck, then I felt a needle driving into my arm. Next thing I know......" he let his sentence trail off, and motioned his arm around the room.  
  
Max couldn't believe how calm he was acting about all of this. This whole thing was just unbelievable. And she knew that she still couldn't be sure that he was okay. He had killed people. Lots of people. "Ben," she started slowly, this next part was going to be hard to say, but it needed to be said, "You killed" her words came out in an almost whisper.  
  
Ben looked down again wouldn't look up for a long moment. When he did, there was a small tear forming in the corner of his eye. She remembered this. It was deja vu. This was the exact expression he had gotten in the space needle, when he had broken down. "I was just trying to please her" he said, his voice had gone back to that of a boys.  
  
"But Ben, it was wrong. You know that right?" she was being harsh. And she knew it, but she didn't know what else to do. A part of her had broken that day that she 'killed Ben', and that part of her was coming back now. He nodded his head, and she squeezed his hand tightly. This wasn't over, she still had so many things to talk about with him. He was Ben, more of Ben then he had been before, but he was still weak, unstable. Not that she was one to talk, she wasn't too mentally stable herself.  
  
But right now, she hardly even cared. He was back, and that made everything that was wrong in her life right. She reached her hand out and cupped his face, "I can't believe you're back" she said.  
  
He put his hand over her hand that rested on his face, and he moved it down so that he was now holding both her hands in his lap. He pulled her to him, and she rested her head against his chest. She pulled her legs up on the bed, laying down on the bed next to him, in a peaceful state. And for a while, she allowed herself to be the young child again, living a life of hell, that all went away when she slept in her brothers arms. "Max," Ben said after a while "just out of curiosity, how did you come about marrying a man who looks just like me?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Zack nervously tapped his fingers on the small end table next to the chair in the hall out side of Ben's room. Alec stood with the baby, who was letting out some small cries. He was walking back and forth, rubbing her back, and quietly humming a song into her ear. Alec looked up at the clock, Ben and Max had been alone in the room for nearing twenty minutes now. He wanted to go in, see what was happening.  
  
"I think the baby might want her mommy" Alec said to Zack. He silently thought to himself that it was strange hearing words like mommy coming out of Alec's mouth. But he looked up at him. Alec was currently looking at the door, contemplating whether or not to just walk in and tell Max her baby needed her.  
  
"She needs time alone with him" Zack said, his tone emotionless. Alec glared at him for a moment.  
  
"Well Morgana needs to be with her. And so do I. Don't get me wrong, it's great that you guys have your brother back, but she still has a husband and a child" Alec said sternly, "She's had plenty of time with him" he opened the door and went in.  
  
He was taken aback by the sight that hit him. Max was on the bed lying down, her eyes closed, head resting on Ben's chest. Ben was stroking her hair slowly. He had been saying something before Alec came in, but he stopped talking when Alec entered. "Max, your husband is here" Ben's voice brushed over the word husband with a tone that could only be described as distaste.  
  
Max opened her eyes, as if waking out of a trance, though Alec was quite certain she wasn't asleep. She lifted up her head, and looked up at him, "something wrong?" she asked.  
  
Something wrong? of course something was wrong. His wife, mother of his child was lying in a bed with another man, who looked just like him. He didn't know what to think. He tried to tell himself that Ben was just a brother to her. But jealousy was tickling the back of hi brain, tempting him into believing it was more. Morgaine, let out a few more sobs, reminding Alec why he had come in the first place, "Morgana wants you I think" he said softly, wishing that he had listened to Zack and waited.  
  
"Oh, yeah, bring her here" Max said softly. She had really felt like a young child again for a while, telling Ben about Alec, and how they had come to be, (leaving out the insanity part).  
  
Alec walked over and almost reluctantly handed Max the baby. The way she was lying there, she looked so young. And Alec wasn't sure he wanted Ben to be around the baby. He was after all a psychotic killer, in Alecs eyes any ways. Because of Ben, Alec had to spend six months in psy obs. He could not forgive him for that. Max and Zack didn't understand, to them, this was there long lost favorite brother, they just assumed that since Alec was related he would also be happy to have Ben. He didn't even know Ben. Well, nothing good about him. To Alec, Ben was just some stranger who was stealing his new family away from him after being awake for half an hour.  
  
But As Max began to speak tender words to her child, rubbing her back, and cooing, she began look less like a child, and more like a mother... Well not like a mother, but not like a child.  
  
Alec felt uncomfortable, and he noticed that Ben was looking at him. There was a look in is eye, not a friendly one either. Not really a crazy one though. It was quite similar to the look Zack had had at first, shortly after he had found out that he was responsible for getting Max pregnant. He shifted on his feet feeling out of place. Ben was still looking at him. "What?" he asked after a moment. He didn't like people to stare at him.  
  
"How long have you known Max?" Ben asked. "How did you meet her?"  
  
"Umm.. about two years I guess, a little less" Alec said. He didn't really want to answer the second part. They hadn't really met under the best conditions. "We met back at Manticore" he finally said, hopping that Ben wouldn't ask anymore about it.  
  
At the word Manticore, a new look came across Ben's face. Alec couldn't read it well, fear maybe? Anger, regret? It left his features too quickly for Alec to tell. Ben turned and looked at Max, "Manticore?" he asked slowly. The word came out slowly, forced almost. His voice was steady, but it was obvious that he was trying hard to keep it so.  
  
"Burned to the ground, by yours truly" She said smiling. Ben smiled at this, and let out a small noise, it could of been a laugh, a sigh of relief, or a noise of disbelief.  
  
"Okay, tell me everything that happened" Ben said. His voice remained quiet, with the forced tone.  
  
Max shook her head, "Latter" she said. Ben nodded. Max didn't want to talk about Manticore with Ben, she wanted him to forget that it ever existed. That he was ever there. "You know, I just realized something. I married my brothers twin brother" she said trying to change the subject to a lighter note.  
  
"He's not really your brother Max. Just because you grew up together and called each other brother and sister, doesn't mean your related" Alec said. He didn't like the whole prospect of the idea of Ben and Max being brother and sister. It was weird. "And, I'm not really his brother either. I never met him before this, plus he's like my clone or something, not my brother" he added.  
  
"Maybe your the clone, what's your designation?" Ben asked.  
  
"Me?" Alec asked in mock shock, putting a hand to his chest. "How could I be a clone. I have more personality. I'm way better looking, and well, come on. There is no way that I'm a clone" he stated.  
  
"His designation is 494, he'd be the clone. But I personally don't think you're clones. You're way to different" Max said. "Oh, and Alec, your not way better looking, you guys look exactly alike, except the hair" she commented.  
  
Alec shook his head. "We don't look anything alike" he continued to insist. Max shook her head. "Well, nice to meet you Ben. Max, I think Zack is going to die if you don't let him in, so can I tell him to come on in?" Alec said changing the subject. Max nodded her head, dismissing Alec from the room.  
  
Alec walked out and sat in the chair outside of Ben's room. "You can go in now" he said to Zack. Zack jumped out of his seat, and walked into the room. He rested his head on his hand, and sat alone. She was wrong. He didn't look like Ben. He didn't look like Ben at all. And he didn't sound like Ben, or walk like Ben, or talk like Ben. He wasn't anything like Ben. Ben was crazy. Alec, was not.  
  
Of course, that didn't seem to hit the rest of them. Ben was in there right now. With his wife. With his child. And with his brother...... Alec shook his head, surprised at his own thought, of Zack, as his brother. It was over in a minute though. This wasn't fair. This was his family now, and Ben was taking them away from him.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	21. Away from here

Chapter 20................ Away from here A/N- OKay, this was not actualy updated, but some one has pointed out that chapter 21 had some problems, so I decided to fix that. So, Thanks to Mija, who brought that to my attention;)  
  
Max stood under the tall tree that stood in her back yard, facing the emptiness that had slowly been embracing her since she had started seeing Ben. She felt foolish and hollow. She had a loving husband, who she loved in return. She had a beautiful daughter, that out shine any doll. She had Zack, and she now had Ben. Yet she still felt empty, dark.  
  
She turned around and saw Eva in front of her. She held a gun in front of her, a look of determination on her face. A moment later a shot rang out and Eva fell dead to the ground. Max let out a small gasp. she shook her head, Eva had died over ten years ago. This wasn't real.  
  
but as she turned again she saw Brin. Her face looked weak, her eyes pleading "I don't want to die" she said "Please....... don't let me die" Max reached out to her sister, wanting to embrace her. But her face darkened, and grew strong and stiff. "You shouldn't of come here Max" she said with hatred. Max shook her head, "No" she said, her eyes beginning to water. Her face changed, into that of Tinga.  
  
"You take care of your self baby sister" she said smiling a little. Her face was warm, and shined. But it seemed to Max that it was growing paler, she crumpled to the ground. The face that seemed a moment ago warm, now was could, and an unhealthy color, her hair down and wet. Max fell to her knees, reaching out to Tinga, who also disappeared.  
  
She was alone only a moment, for Ben appeared before her eyes. She looked around, finding herself in the woods again. "Please" he said with tear filled eyes. "You know what they'll to me, they'll put me down there... with them, the Nomalies".  
  
"No, Not again" she said aloud.  
  
"X5-599" A deep, all to familiar voice said behind her. She turned, and saw Zack, towering above, holding a gun to his head. "I've got a heart for you" he said.  
  
"No Zack! No" she shouted. but a shot rang out any ways, identical to the one that had killed Eva. He fell down towards her, but disappeared before he hit the ground. A beep moved through the air. It came in again, louder.  
  
And again and again. It disturbed her, though she didn't know why. Her voice remembered though. "Turn it off" she said. the beep grew louder and louder. She clasped her hands over her ears, and squeezed her eyes tightly shut.  
  
"Turn it off" She said again, thinking that her voice could block out the name. She leaned forward so that her forehead touched the ground. "turn it off" she said it meekly now, and continued to repeat it.  
  
Strong arms wrapped around her, "Max" a deep voice she had heard but a moment ago whispered into her ear, "Turn what off?" he asked.  
  
Max looked up, seeing Zack on one knee before her. "Zack" she said through her tears. She through her arms around his neck, finding that the beeping had gone when he had come to her.  
  
"Max, what's wrong" Zack said rubbing her back.  
  
"Nothing" Max said. "Nothing now that you're here" Zack held her tightly in his arms, waiting for her sobs to subside.  
  
She looked up at him now, and dried her eyes, a little embarrassed. "I'm leaving Max". Her eyes grew wide, and she shook her head in disbelief. "Max, I have t-"  
  
"NO!" she said loudly cutting him off.  
  
"Max please don't make this any harder then it is" Zack said.  
  
"No, you can't leave me, not again. Please, listen, I'll-"  
  
"No Max you listen. I'm not staying. I was never going to stay here forever, you know that. I have other people to take care of" he said trying to reason with her.  
  
"Zack no. Don't go, I need you" she said, her voice squeaking.  
  
"No. That's the thing. You don't need me, not like they do. Your oceans away from the danger, look around you. You have a life. You only need me because I've been here so long. Max, look at your self. You're a shell of the person you once were. You've become weak. You were never weak before. All I'm doing by staying here is keeping you from going back to how you were." Zack stood up, and reached a hand out t her. She took it and stood in front of him. "Max, I can't stay" he said softly.  
  
Max shook her head "Zack you're wrong. I do need you here" she said. She looked at him with pleading eyes, using them to beg him.  
  
"Max," he said softly. He put a hand on each of her shoulders, and leaned his forehead against hers. Max knew that this moment took a lot out of Zack, who hated showing emotion in any form. "Max, you will never die, and never be hurt, as long as I can prevent it. But right now they need me" he didn't explain who they were, she knew who he was talking about. "You have Alec, and now Ben. You have the closest thing to a normal life any of us ever will. And you can live it with out me" he kissed her temple, and stepped back.  
  
But Max still was not willing to except it. She grabbed his hand, "Zack, please don't leave me" she whispered. The fact that she was acting like this, reminded Zack how much she really had changed. She stood before him a tiny child. The child that had been at Manticore. Strong, but dependent on him. Always expecting him to save her. He had to leave, she was a shadow now, and as long as he was there, she would remain so.  
  
"Maxie, I have to" he stepped back again, and she let him go this time. He turned around, and went back inside to where his already packed bag awaited him. He had a flight to catch in two hours, and he still needed to say good bye to Ben.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Zack, don't go" Alec said. He knew he would miss Zack, and he knew it. But his was not himself he was worried about. "Zack, you think you'll be helping her, but your wrong. She'll crack" he told Zack. He was standing by the window looking out at his wife, worried for her. she stood absolutely still. Her hair, that lay strait for the day, blew slightly in the wind. Her small figure seemed to be enveloped in Alecs thick woolen sweat shirt. She stared blankly forward, looking at nothing. Her expression was emotionless.  
  
He turned back to Zack, "Zack, she thought I was Ben, she thought Ben was with her, she was crazy. And I'm not sure she's completely mentally stable now. What I know is that when you came, things got better. She stopped seeing Ben and she was happy again. And just look at her now. She's breaking at the mere idea of you leaving. Zack, I don't know what's going to happen if you leave, but it wont be good" he said.  
  
Zack shook his head. "Happy? you think she's been happy? Alec, she's nothing like she used to be. She may seem happy on the out side, but deep down, she's practically empty inside. Ben being back, I don't know if that's going to help, or make things worse. But being here isn't helping. She needs to be independent again. She wont do that with me here. And why do you all continue to forget that there are other people that count on me. They don't even know I'm alive" he shook his head again. "I'm already gone" he said, and he through his bag over his shoulder, and left.  
  
The baby began to cry. Alec went into his room and picked her up, cooing to her softly. She continued to cry. her diaper didn't need to be changed, which meant she probably needed to be fed or something, which would require Max. He didn't want to disturb her, but some things, like their child, couldn't wait. He walked out side, and over to Max, "baby needs you" he said quietly.  
  
Max looked up at him, her face filled with sadness. She looked down at Morgaine. She reached out, but then stopped, holding her hands up, then waving them as if to say no. She shook her head and went inside. Alec stood out their, with his crying child, not knowing what to do.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	22. Hiding within myself

Chapter 22............ Hiding Within Myself  
  
A/N- The most lovely thing happened today. I worked for an hour on my story, making the story as good as it was back when I started it. It was wonderful. Then my computer shutdown, with no warning, before I could save.......... I want to scream, but I'm holding it back. My writing muse ALEC is calming me, putting me back into a state where I can write. Hopefully, you will all enjoy this very much, for it caused me great pain to write it.  
  
Alec awoke, the baby was crying. He looked over at Max. She lay flat on her back, eyes open, staring at the ceiling. The same thing she had been doing when Alec had fallen asleep four hours earlier. "Max, the baby" Alec said.  
  
Max responded by turning on to her side, and pulling the blankets over her head. Alec sighed and stood up. she had been like that since earlier the day before, when Zack had left. She hardly spoke, she hadn't eaten anything, and worst of all, she wouldn't touch the baby. Alec had had to go to the store to get baby formula, and a bottle, the baby crying the whole way through the store. He didn't even know what to buy. A woman there had helped him, giving him sympathetic looks, and asking where the mother was. Alec had responded that she was out of town on business.  
  
His wife was breaking, and he didn't know what to do. No. She wasn't breaking. She had been breaking for a while. Now she was broken. Max is a broken toy he remembered his words to Asha, so long ago. He hadn't known what was ahead of him.  
  
He climbed out of bed, and walked over to the cradle, lifting out the baby, gently caressing her cheek. He carried her into the living room, where he set her in her car seat. Her cries were less dramatic now, but they had not stopped. He carried the car seat into the kitchen, and set it on the counter. He began to prepare her bottle.  
  
He thought he heard Max moaning in the bed room. She had been doing it all day. Saying 'turn it off' and struggling against invisible bounds. He didn't know what was wrong. He didn't know what this meant. He wanted to help her but he couldn't. he wanted to go to her, to hold her and stroke her hair, and whisper into her ears, caressing her soft skin. But the baby needed him too.  
  
It was different now. Before, with Ben, he had always just thought it was the guilt. The pain of his absence. But now, Ben was back. Things were supposed to be good. Max was supposed to be better. But it continued. She was crazy, and there was no longer any denying of the matter. He had to find her help. He had to fix her. She may be a broken toy, but she was his broken toy.  
  
He brought the prepared bottle over to the baby, and picked her up, cradling the soft bundle. Morgaine rejected the bottle, crinkling up her face, and crying again. "shhh... Come on Morgana, drink it" he begged with her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ben's eyes snapped open, almost glowing in the dark room. He felt a pain, not physical, but emotional. The feeling of despair. Of surrender to emptiness. He shivered in the dark room. He remembered this. Back at Manticore. He would be happy, making shadow puppets for Max when she laid awake in bed. Then suddenly it would hit him. A sad feeling of loneliness. It had always been loneliness when he was at Manticore, which was strange, because that was the one place where he was never lonely.  
  
After the escape, the pain had turned more physical. Sometimes at night, when he slept, he would hear screaming. Then he would awake in a cold sweat. But the feelings had left when he started........ He shook his head. He wasn't going to leave. He wasn't going to run again. He wasn't going to loose himself. But he wanted to. More the anything else he wanted to leave. To move. To feel wild and free.  
  
He climbed out of bed, and stood up tall and strait. Like a soldier he thought to himself. He shivered as cold air hit the back of his legs where his gown ended. This hospital was like Manticore. the lumpy beds, the barren walls, the gray gowns and the stale air. It was comforting. But he was alone. Suddenly he longed for the place of his childhood. 'You mean the place that stole your childhood' the stern voice seemed to echo in the room, even though Ben knew it wasn't real, it was a memory. One he had lost with his mind.  
  
FLASHBACK:  
  
"Do you ever wonder what would of happened if we had stayed?" Ben asked timidly. Ben had grown more shy and quiet with his 18 years. He reminded Zack of a puppy that was used to getting beaten. Always flinching away from people. He stood tall and handsome in a soft blue sweater, that lightened the soft features of his face. He remained almost ageless, his face still that of a boys.  
  
"Stayed where?" Zack asked even though he knew what Ben was talking about. Ben Looked up at him, his eyes glittering with tints of blue and green. He was waiting for an answer. "No" Zack said flatly, and left it at that.  
  
"Come on Zack" Ben said. "It was where we spent our childhood. It was our home" he looked down at his feet.  
  
"You meant the childhood they stole from us?" Zack kept his voice soft, knowing that Ben would flinch and leave if he raised his voice. He wondered what happened to make Ben so timid So puppy like. "And this place you call home was a jail. We were it's prisoners. It was a hell, and we were the sinners. Ben, it was our prison" he took a step towards Ben.  
  
Ben turned away from him, and looked down from the porch at the white daisies that peeked up from the green soft grass. He wanted to take off his shoes and feel it between his toes, but he didn't. "But still, things were so simple. Everything made sense there" he said.  
  
"Ben, nothing made sense there. We were tortured, trained to crave blood. It was child abuse" Zack said.  
  
"How can you say nothing made sense there?" Ben yelled. Zack stumbled back away from him. He hadn't seen Ben yell for years. "We had family. Family Zack" he continued still yelling. "And we had my stories. Out here, none of them work. There's no blue lady out here, only Nomlies. It's out here that nothing makes sense"  
  
"Ben, your wrong. This is your family now" Zack motioned to the house and yards with his hands. Ben had been living with this family for a few years now, and he could tell they liked him. "Your lucky, these people care about you. Please Ben, forget about Manticore" Zack pleaded with him.  
  
Ben turned around so he was facing Zack again. His eyes were wide, and for the first time empty. "I can't" he said.  
  
Ben was knocked back into the present when his door was opened. And young nurse walked in. Her red hair was braided behind her back. Ben recognized her as Claire. She had a bright smile and a soft voice. She spent a lot of time in his room. She brought him his meals and blushed when he smiled in thanks.  
  
"What are you doing out of bed Mr.Pierce?" She asked in a concerned voice. Ben flinched a little at the use of his new last name. He had never had a last name before, it was Always just Ben.  
  
"Just stretching my legs" he answered quietly, looking at the floor. "I had trouble sleeping" he told her.  
  
"Would you like me to get you a pill?" She asked, her Irish accent decorating her voice like a song.  
  
Ben nodded, "Please" he said softly. She left the room and he climbed back into the uncomfortable bed, waiting for Claire to return with a pill that would take away all of the dreams that haunted him, allowing him to sleep in peace. 


	23. My good place

Chapter 23........... My good place  
  
Max looked down at Alec as he slept. His face enveloped in peace. She hoped he was dreaming that things were better then they were. She had to pull herself together. She had to. Sometimes she felt like this whole thing was just one big mistake. That they never should of left. That they should of staid and she should of never had her baby.  
  
When ever she heard the baby crying, her mind screamed for her to disappear into her mind. To get lost in the darkness. She wondered if it was this same darkness that Had taken Ben. Made him do the things he had done. Her hear cried to cradle the baby, but her mind told her that the baby couldn't possibly be hers. That she was still a young child.  
  
The voice in her mind was more tempting. She wanted to believe that things were hoe they were. That she had all of her family. That no one was dead. She wanted things to be simple again. She wanted things to make sense.  
  
Sense?  
  
Flashback:  
  
"We never should of left, everything made sense there" Ben said, his eye's watering, face cast down.  
  
"No" Max said taking his hand, "Nothing made sense there" she told him.  
  
"I'm a good soldier, I try so hard" Ben said. He was crying now. He was 19, and tears were running down his soft cheeks. It was clear now to Max that he had not developed emotionally past the age of 9.  
  
Max looked at Alec again. His face so much Like Ben's. She wondered what the inside of his mind was like. What he was thinking. Morgaine moved slightly. She laid next to him on the bed, his hand resting protectively on her stomach.  
  
It wasn't a mistake. None of it was. This was the good place. No one disappears, with the exception of Zack. No one got yelled at. And when she woke up in the morning, she could stay in bed as long as she wanted. This was the place Ben had told her about. Alec was her good place.  
  
She bent down and kissed the sleeping child on the cheek. She then Kissed Alec on his sleeping mouth. "Thank you Alec" she said, even though she knew he couldn't hear her. "Thank you for giving me my good place". She draped an arm over his stomach, and closed her eyes, falling gently asleep.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Alec awoke to the sun. The first thing he noticed, was that both the baby, and Max were missing. He heard a large crash coming from the kitchen, and jumped out of bed, and ran out to the kitchen. Max was cleaning up a clutter of pots and pans that were on the floor. "Oh good, you're up" she said when she saw him. "Have you seen the frying pan?" she asked him.  
  
He shook his head. He wondered what was happening. Last night she wouldn't leave the bed. It had been like that for almost a week. And now, here she was, looking for a frying pan. Sitting on the floor, wearing one of his blue T-shirts, with a bright smile on her face. "Good mood?" Alec asked, not knowing how to react. He was afraid that this was some type of physico faze thing, and that any moment she was going to jump up with a knife and kill Him, or something.  
  
"I'm okay, if you're wondering" Max said quietly. She stood up and walked over to Alec, placing a hand on his cheek. "I'm okay because of you" she said even softer.  
  
Alec tried to think of what he did to make her okay. Nothing came to mind. "Well, of course it was me" he said cockily. Max playfully slapped his shoulder. He smiled down at her. He reached up and hand to took hers, moving it down between them. "But just out of curiosity, what did I do to make you okay" he asked.  
  
"Everything" Max said, her eyes starring intensely into his. "Alec, you must understand, I was lost. Lost in memories of Manticore. I was letting them consume me. I was going to a dark place. I now get it, I think. Ben, he didn't represent my guilt, he represented Manticore. All the hell, all the evil. But he represented the good parts too. The love from my siblings. The heart. The good place we dreamed of" she paused now, and looked down.  
  
"That's what I got lost in the most. The part that was Ben. The part that was Zack. The part that was Jondy, and Brin, and Tinga, and Zane, all of them. This whole time, I was where Ben had been when he was killing people. I was cushioning myself from reality, by telling myself I was still nine. That none of this could be happening, because I was still a child" she looked up at him again. "But Alec, I was shielding myself from the wrong reality. The whole time, since I first started seeing Ben again, I was thinking that this was the bad place. That this was where the nomalies lived."  
  
Alec opened his mouth to say something, but Max stopped him, "No Alec, let me finish. You see, the truth is, Manticore was the bad place. the thing I've been running from my whole life. And Alec, this, right here, this is what I've been running to. You, are what I've been running to. You Alec, YOU, are my good place. I love you" she finally finished.  
  
Alec didn't know what to think. He didn't know if she was truly better. He didn't know if it was just a temporary fix again. But he knew that what she said made sense. He knew that he could see the old Max shining in her eyes. And he knew that he loved this woman, crazy of not. "I love you too" he said, his voice deep and husky. He took her other hand in his free one. They now stood much as they had when they were married. He leaned down and softly kissed her mouth.  
  
Max kissed him back with equal softness and tenderness. She felt like this was the real beginning. That from here on, their future could begin. There was just one last problem. One last floor to be swept.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Did you sleep well Mr. pierce?" Claire asked opening his curtains.  
  
Ben nodded, "Like a baby" he said smiling sweetly at her. He had grown to like this nurse. Her caring yet firm methods of doing things reminded him of Eva.  
  
She blushed at his smile, as she always did, and turned from him. "Now, I know that's not true, you forget I have night watch" she said looking at him.  
  
"If you already knew, then why did you ask?" Ben asked raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Just making conversation" she said. "Now, for some good news. You're being discharged. You are now free from this hospital" she said smiling.  
  
Ben looked down at his pale hands. A part of him was happy. He was free. He could see the world again with out the dark cloud over it. But a part of him was worried. "I don' know where I'll go" he said more to himself then the nurse.  
  
"You'll always have a home with me" Ben looked up to see Max standing in the doorway. She looked some how different from before. More alive. More like Max. Ben felt himself turning into a young boy again. "We have an extra room, and I'd like to have you near for a little while." She smiled her smile that she saved for Ben, "We could get to know each other again".  
  
"Well, I think I'll give you two some privacy" Claire said excusing herself from the room. Max smiled at the woman, then walked over, and sat on the edge of the bed.  
  
"I don't think that your husband would be happy to have me. I don't think he liked me" Ben said looking down. He traced the pattern of his blanket with his index finger, waiting for her response. But none came. After a moment, he looked up at her.  
  
She was staring intensely at him. She kept his gaze for a long moment, searching his eyes for the crazy man. It hurt Ben that she did this, but he understood why. She reached out and took his hand. "He hates that you have his face. He hates that he was treated like second best his whole childhood. He hates that my first words to him were your name, and he hates that he was punished for your wrongs"  
  
Ben looked away from her, and pulled back his hand, withdrawing from her. Her eyes were to dark, to full of emotion. Her voice was to gentle. Her hands were to soft. She wasn't the young girl he remembered. She had knowledge now. Knowledge of life, and love. She was no longer a child, she was now a woman. Ben wanted to run from her. He knew the little girl. Not the woman.  
  
"He doesn't hate you though. No matter how hard he tries, he can't. Your a part of him. A part he doesn't even know." Max's voice brought Ben's gaze back to her. "Ben, I can't just let you leave. I can't let you run away by yourself to sink back into a dark world of nomalies. Alec was my good place. He's saved me in more ways then you could understand. Please Ben, let me save you" Her voice was almost pleading now.  
  
Ben's youthful eyes shined blue, watering at the corners. Suddenly he wanted to stay with them so much it hurt. He wanted to know this woman before him. He wanted to know his brother. He wanted a family again. He knoded his head softly. "I'll stay with you" he said quietly.  
  
She immediately threw her arms around his neck, making him fall back. He remembered hugs. IT seemed so long ago. Like a different life, but in a way, it was. He felt reborn. He buried his face in the soft flesh of her neck, breathing in her fresh sent. A scent that was purely Max, un polluted by perfumes of scented shampoos, just Max.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N-There will not be many more chapters to come after this one. Just two or three more. Sorry for the long wait on this. I remember a time when I posted a chapter every other day. But that time has past. Oh well, I do what I can. I want to make one thing clear. Some of you may read this chapter and feal that there is something between max and Ben. But I'll tell you right now, Max will never feel anything but sisterly towards Ben, and he will never feel anything but brotherly towards her. Also Ben isn't supposed to be messing up anyone's life. He's just come back and doesn't know what's going on. Alec is jealous for no real reason, he has nothing to worry about.  
  
Also, Those of you who feel that Ben needs to step back might want to rethink the story. This story is very strongly Max/Alec, but it is also very centered around Ben. That's just the way it is. It's the plot of the story. I'm sorry if that makes some of you un happy, but it's kind of essential to the plot line.  
  
And, to answer Aoife's Question, I' Mostly Irish, but have a bit of Scottish blood in me. However, I was born and raised in America, which leaves me into a position to obsess over Ireland until one day I'll be able to go. Hopefully after College. If any of you have any further questions, please feel free to e-mail me at lovely_lady_igraine@yahoo.com 


	24. A little note

Sorry to disappoint, but this is not a chapter. I hat to do this, but apparently authors notes haven't been enough, so I'm forced to dedicate an entire chapter to it.  
  
Now, this messages goes out specifically to a certain person, they know who they are so I wont name them, cough lonely gurl cough  
  
Until my last update, I had always clearly stated in the summery that this was a Max /Alec fic. I forgot to repost that the last time, but it has once again been restored. My Bio, which I know this person has read since they referred to it, clearly states that I'm a Max Alec, or Max/Zack shipper. Plus, this fic was always Max Alec from the beginning, and obviously so. And Added to that, it has been made clear in many authors notes that I'm a HUGE Alec fan. So, this raises the question, why would some one who doesn't want a Max to be with Alec, read a Max/Alec fic? Does any one have an answer for this question? I still remain baffled by it.  
  
Now, I'd like to move to another observation, it seems to me that every one whose flamed my work, and all those who have flamed others work that I read, tend to sign reviews with out signing in. Maybe all people who flame are simply not writers, in which case they shouldn't be criticizing the work of other, or maybe they don't want people knowing who the are. Who knows?  
  
And another note to this 'lonely gurl' This fic is NOT a Max/Zack, it was never to be a Max/Zack, why did you bring Max/Zack into your review? Zack loves Max, that was something that none of us should be denying since it was written into the show. Does Max love Zack? maybe not in the show, but if some one wants to write it into their fanfic that she does, and let it be. If you don't like it, don't read it, it's as simple as that.  
  
Now, to defend Alec a little. Will all those that think that Logan is to old for Max please raise their hands. It was commented in a review that Alec was just a boy. I feel that I must comment that since Max was said to be the youngest X5, then really, Alec is older then Max. And if Alec is just a boy, then Max is just a girl, who shouldn't be wasting her life with an old man. It's nice that you, miss 19 year old would rather choose a 31 year old. I myself would rather be with Alec. I respect your opinions, but I believe that they would be better appreciated at a Max/Logan fanfic.  
  
As for my age, if some one wants to believe that I'm a 14 or 13 year old girl, that's nice. In reality I turned 18 in June, and go to a college in my home town. This probably wont convince some one who wants to still live under the belief that all Max Alec shippers are 14 year old girls, who ever made that up, but hey, most Max/Alec shippers believe Max/Logan to be old over weight pmsing women, I believe I've borrowed this term from Scarlet, I hope she doesn't mind.  
  
Thank you to those of you who read this Fanfic and enjoy it, or even those of you who don't like it, yet choose not to flame. But to the few that do, just stop reading the fanfic. I don't enjoy your comments, and none of the readers find them amusing either.  
  
-Igraine 


	25. The End of the Beginning

Chapter 24......... The end of the beginning.  
  
A/N-Once again, sorry it took so long. This story is coming to an end. If Asked how ever, I will write another chapter, an Epilogue type of thing. It will take place 15 years in the future, From Morgaine's point of view. I haven't decided. Just tell me what you want and I'll do it. And also keep an eye open for my next story, which will be Max/Alec, but will also focus on a few new characters. It will Be called Vivir.  
  
A/N/N, this one actually takes place a few weeks after the last one.  
  
~It's leaving time again I'm headed out With all my friends It's a roll of the dice I've never thought twice About the way I've been spending my time Trying my guts out For every dime Working in an Office building tall You don't know Who's next to you at all But being out here The blood, the guts, the beer Is a test Only time will tell It brings you close, man Closer than hell ~  
  
Alec walked in from the icy cold rain, with a few soaked envelopes in his hand. The days mail. He set it down on the counter. He took off his wet coat, and shook the water out or his hair. Max Had the baby in her arms, and was humming gently, "Hey stranger" she said, giving him a half smile.  
  
He smiled right back and walked over to her, putting a hand on the side of her neck stroking it gently, then leaning down. kissing her sweetly with an open mouth. He then leaned down and kissed his child on the top of her head. "Did you miss me?" he asked.  
  
"Nope" Max responded quickly. She walked over and put Morgaine in her Cradle. He pulled her towards him, and placed a hand on her back, and held her other hand in his, up at their sides in a dancing position. "Maybe a little she said, leaning her head against her chair.  
  
"Want me to sing to you again?" He asked. Max thought back to that night, which now seemed so long ago. Like a different life. She sighed as an answer. She expected the same song he had sang that once, but it wasn't anything even like it. Is nice deep voice jumped into a peppy tune "Do you remember when we used to sing, Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da Hey where did we go, Days when the rains came Down in the hollow, Playin' a new game, Laughing and a running hey, hey Skipping and a jumping In the misty morning fog with Our hearts a thumpin' and you My brown eyed girl,You my brown eyed girl." he stopped singing and returned his lips to hers, where they both felt they belonged.  
  
Ben walked into the room, then turned and walked right back to his room when he found Max's lips firmly locked to Alec's. He loved Max, And he was growing to like the brother he had never known. And he was glad that they seemed to love each other. He just didn't want to look at them.  
  
"Ben" he heard Max call after him. He turned around again and walked back to the living room. There's a letter for us, it looks like it's from Zack" she said. Ben watched her open the letter, and take out the paper. She shook her head. "Figures, leaves us out of no where, the first thing he sends us doesn't even take up half of a page" she passed the letter to Ben, and he read it to himself. Dear Max, Ben, and Alec, I hope you are all doing well. I'm going to try and make by way back there sometime next month to check up on you. I've enclosed a address where you can write me if necessary. And a number to call, ONLY IN EMERGENCY!!!!!!!!! I look forward to seeing my family soon again. ~Z  
  
Ben passed The letter pack to Max. "That was brief. But then again it is Zack, so I guess that was pretty long for him" he said.  
  
Max smiled. So did Alec. "Yup, that's Zack for you" she said. She put an arm around Ben, "I hope you never have the need to be brief" she kissed his cheek gently. "Now, my boys, what do we want for dinner. I'm feeling in the mood for Chicken" she said.  
  
Ben nodded his approvement of the idea. "Chicken sounds good to me" Alec said.  
  
Max smiled, "Then you wont mind making it. Everything you need is in the refrigerator. I'm going to go take a nice warm bath" she then kissed Alec on the mouth quickly, and disappeared into the bathroom.  
  
"That is so completely typical of a woman" Alec said shaking his head at Max. Ben smiled, though he didn't quite get the joke. Alec seemed to pick up on this fact. "You, have got a lot to learn my brother" he said.  
  
Ben nodded his head, as if in agreement. "I think we better cook dinner before Max comes out of the bath" he suggested.  
  
"I think you're right" Alec said. "Lets go" he went in to the kitchen.  
  
Ben looked over at the baby for a moment, reveling at the fact that she could look like him, when Alec was the father. He then went into the Kitchen to help his brother prepare dinner. It felt good to have a family. For the first time in his life, he felt truly, and completely happy.  
  
The End  
  
We're leaving, we're leaving again  
  
Can't recall where all we've been  
  
Guess we'll just go  
  
Go till we're too old  
  
Or we run out of road 


End file.
